You wake up on this ugly rust bucket of a fishing ship, wearing an orange sweater that keeps trying to crawl up over your borrowed tits, and everyone is calling you Vilma like that is totally normal. You know that feeling when you're lying to every single person in the room and your dick is half hard at the same time? Yeah, that feeling is basically the whole game. The dev clearly loves Halloween junk and classic mystery cartoons, but everything is twisted just enough that it looks like the cheap porn parody DVD you find in the wrong section of the store. Scrooby keeps shivering, Saggy looks like he smells like wet dog and weed, and you are the “smart girl” with the big ass who is supposed to solve a murder in five minutes or get blown the fuck up by some letter bomb. And of course the real Vilma is naked and tied up in a storage room, annoyed, horny, and way too clever for her own good.

The fun part is how the timer hangs over your head while you are trying to decide if you should drag another clue out of Nymphne with actual logic or just bend her over a crate and fuck her until she starts talking. I wasted two full runs trying to see how much I could get away with before the bomb went off, just speedrunning bad decisions. Took me a bit to realize the “deduction table” is not just flavor text. You slap evidence on it like a crazy wall, except instead of red string you have your cock and some pretty mean dialog options. One run I focused only on interrogations, squeezed Ford until he spilled half the plot, solved the murder like some nerd god, and then realized I had barely touched Vilma in the hold. Next run I did the opposite: ignored half the questions, kept going back downstairs, playing good cop / very bad cop with her. Her reaction when you pretend to be her, while she is tied up and watching you strip off “her” sweater, is nasty in the best way. Also, the jiggle in some of the animated loops is honestly stupid good, then on the next scene a hand looks like it was drawn by someone using a mousepad in a bus. It made me laugh, then still made me horny, which is kind of impressive and also annoying.

What really sold me is how the voyeur stuff is baked into the whole structure. You’re pretending to be the smartest girl on the ship while the real one is naked furniture in the next room, and the game keeps tempting you to leave her there just a little longer so you can wander around and peek at everybody’s secrets. I kept pausing on the same detail: her glasses. When you put them on and walk into an interrogation, people suddenly trust you, but you know they actually belong to the girl who is currently gagged and getting her ass toyed with below deck. The contrast between playing the clever detective and then going downstairs to use her like a cum-dump clue dispenser is filthy in a way screenshots don’t show. Some of the humor hits hard too, like when Saggy tries to tell you he “respects women” while staring at your chest, or when Scrooby freaks out at the idea of anal like that is somehow worse than the murder. I had one run where I solved the case perfectly, unlocked a fancy sex scene with Nymphne, then realized I had missed a tiny conditional flag in the storage room so the Vilma finale variant didn’t trigger and I actually growled at my monitor. Still going back to clean up those last few CGs like a pervert completionist.

Empire of Heroes looks like somebody smashed Pornhub, a Marvel fanfic subreddit and a horny DeviantArt gallery into one long fever dream, then forgot to hire an editor. You start as this dude who is technically a “hero,” but honestly he feels more like a guy who spends half his time saving the city and the other half trying not to stare at boobs that look like they could file for citizenship on their own. The world is packed with powered people, but almost everyone you actually talk to either wants to punch you, ride you, or both in some weird order. One second you’re in a rooftop fight where your power is going off like a bugged-out Discord notification, next second you’re flirting with a girl whose costume has less fabric than my old gym socks. The mood keeps jumping from dramatic comic-book speech to “fuck me on this couch before the villain shows up,” which sounds bad, but somehow it kind of works, like watching The Boys on mute with Pornhub audio in the background.

The big charm is how dirty and stupidly playful it gets without pretending to be classy. There’s this scene where you rescue a heroine who’s supposed to be this serious, veteran type, and ten lines later she’s teasing you about how “stress relief” is part of a hero’s duty while she grinds on your lap in a torn suit. The camera is obsessed with asses, not gonna lie. Every time a woman turns around the angle zooms like it was made by a guy who grew up pausing Netflix to stare. Some choices matter too: if you act like a cocky bastard, some girls actually like it and push back, if you try to be “good guy” hero, you still end up with your face between huge tits half the time. Fights are there mostly to justify why everyone is half naked afterward, covered in dust and barely holding their tops together. It’s less “tactical combat” and more “foreplay with punching.” At one point I paused my Spotify because the sex scene was actually hotter than the porn I had open in another tab, which is a weird moment of self awareness.

What kills me is how the story pretends to be super serious with mystery and conspiracies, then throws in a joke about hentai or some meme-tier line like “this is not even my final form” during a boss fight, then five minutes later you’re balls deep in a villain girl with glowing eyes and a laugh that should not be turning me on. The humor is very internet: horny, dumb, sometimes cringe, occasionally perfect. They drop little in-jokes about OnlyFans, Twitter cancel mobs, even some cheap shot about people who still use Facebook, and all of that is happening while your character is trying not to explode in a woman with thighs like a Marvel budget. Not everything hits; some scenes drag, there are times where two girls argue like a bad CW show and you just want them to shut up and start making out already. The pacing is a mess, like eating a full pizza and then suddenly someone throws a cake at your face, but when the game leans fully into “superhero soap opera where everyone is horny and slightly unhinged,” it kind of nails exactly that trashy, late-night energy that makes you think “ok, one more scene” and then you realize your right hand hurts more than your mouse.

Subject 9 feels like somebody smashed a family vacation movie and a very horny biology experiment together, then forgot to add any shame. You’re this early twenties dude stuck in a mountain cabin for three weeks, “relaxing” with your relatives before your great aunt’s birthday, and it takes about five minutes before you realise this is less Hallmark, more Pornhub search history with a plot. The cabin feels small in a good way, like a pressure cooker. Every room is basically a trap for bad decisions. Morning coffee in the kitchen? Someone walks in with a shirt that clearly lost the war against her tits. Late night in the living room? Yoga pants so tight you can basically read the stitching with your dick. You wander around, talk, poke at choices, and suddenly a harmless “check on her” turns into you pressed against a door, her whispering in your ear, and you trying not to blow your load before the camera even zooms in properly.

What hits first is how thick everyone is. Not “oh she’s curvy” but “God was bored and overfilled every slider”. Huge tits, big soft asses that jiggle when they walk to the fridge, the whole family looking like they escaped from the “do not open at work” folder. You get these slow, teasing scenes where a character leans over the sink, top riding up, the curve of her ass just staring right at you. It’s not subtle. At all. There’s this one shower scene where the steam is still hanging in the air and you catch her drying herself, towel sliding down way too slow. She notices you, smirks, and instead of freaking out, turns her back, spreads her feet slightly and really takes her time. That moment right there, with the water still dripping off her nipples and you stuck between “leave like a good boy” and “stay and watch”, that’s when the game shows its teeth. And then later, you start noticing how often people touch him, how hugs linger, how “we’re family” keeps getting thrown around in a tone that is absolutely not family safe. It’s wrong in that way where your brain says “no” and everything south is just clapping.

The wild part is how lowkey the lesbian stuff sneaks in. It doesn’t scream “hey this is girl on girl now”, it just happens. Two of the women chilling in a bedroom, wine glasses on the nightstand, soft music, gossiping about the guys being idiots. You walk past and hear a moan that definitely isn’t from a funny TikTok. Door cracked open, you get a peek: one of them on the bed, shirt pulled up, the other between her thighs, hair all over the place, hand gripping that thick ass like it’s the last thing on earth. You’re stuck in the hallway, hand on the mouse, trying to decide if you barge in or watch from the shadows like complete trash. The best bit is how the game lets your choices twist the vibe. Be a passive little creep? You get more voyeur shit. Start pushing boundaries? People start pushing back in their own fucked up horny ways. Sometimes the pacing crawls, especially early on when you’re just doing cabin chores and flirting that goes nowhere, but when a scene finally snaps, it really snaps. Titfucking on a couch that was supposed to be for “family movie night”, hips grinding in slow motion, heavy breathing right in your ear, her hand guiding you exactly where she wants. It’s messy, it’s dirty, and half the time you’ll click a line of dialogue that sounds normal and suddenly you’re balls deep in a situation no therapist could fix. Honestly the only thing that annoyed me is how often doors magically stay unlocked when it’s convenient and locked when you’re actually trying to be a perv, but that’s just cabin life, I guess.