First thing, this game feels like someone mashed together Pornhub search history and a political sim in Nutaku on a cracked tablet, and somehow it works way better than it should. You’re not the president, you’re the creep in the shadows tugging the strings while this poor bastard in the White House is basically your remote-controlled sex dispenser. One moment you’re forcing him to sign some “anti-drug” bill so your company can sell even stronger shit under the table, next moment you’re sending him to a “private negotiation” where he has to suck up to a foreign leader’s “secretary” who looks suspiciously like Tifa Lockhart with a bigger ass and that lazy ahegao smirk. There’s this scene where you blackmail him using a video where he gets milked by a domme that looks like a mix of Lady Dimitrescu and Lara Croft, towering over him in heels, slapping his face while he whimpers, and the game is like “approval rating down 5%” and I actually laughed because yeah, sounds American enough.

Touch controls on phone are super scuffed but in a hot way. You’re dragging dialogue options like “humiliate the president publicly” or “sell your own daughter to a lobbyist for influence” and it’s messed up, but the UI is light enough you can play with one hand on Chrome while pretending you’re checking Telegram. The scenes themselves use those 3dcg models with a lot of jiggle and shiny skin, and the camera really likes big tits and big asses. Sometimes you’re in an office corruption scene with some cyberpunk style escort that’s obviously a D.Va cosplay girl turned prostitute, sometimes it jumps hard into bestiality or tentacle stuff with no warning, like you’re in a normal blackmail route and suddenly the “experimental biotech partner” is tentacles teaching the president what “real diplomacy” is. My brain went wait, what, but my other brain already accepted it. There’s a really nasty incest subplot too, where you can push your “family protection” angle into full-on corruption, trading your own sister’s ass to a senator for votes, with a voiced line where she sobs and still moans a bit, and that hit a particular degeneracy button that Harem Hotel style games love. One thing that annoyed me: the game keeps teasing Judy Hopps and Cyberpunk 2077 style chrome hookers in ads inside the world, but doesn’t let you actually click into all of them yet, just little exhibitionism events where the president is forced to watch while you test new toys on some slave girl. Also they said no soundtrack, and yeah, it’s dead quiet, only voice and sex sounds, which weirdly makes the humiliation scenes feel more raw, like some leaked OnlyFans set, but my phone speaker clicking with every tap is still more immersion than I asked for.

Lara shows up on screen with that familiar “yeah, I’ve raided way worse than your browser history” attitude, and the whole thing is basically: dress her up, mess her up, repeat. It’s almost funny how small the game is, but my brain instantly went, “oh, this is like if someone took all the horny energy of old Tomb Raider fanfic from fanfiction.net, stripped out the fake plot, and left only the part people actually scrolled for.” You start flicking through outfits, tops, panties, stockings, that kind of thing, and it’s not super deep, but somehow it hits that exact teenage fantasy of “what if Lara Croft paused looting ruins and just let me decide what she wears while she bends over and waits.” She’s a brunette, of course, with those ridiculous big boobs that look like they belong to a different gravity system than the rest of the game, and the camera is basically a worship tool for her ass. There is zero pretense here. No puzzles, no clever stuff. Just “pick clothes, grab cock, put cock on Lara, watch what happens.” In a way it feels more honest than half of Steam’s adult RPGs pretending they’re about “morality systems”.

The dressup part is where I stayed longer than I want to admit. You flick between outfits like you’re in some horny Instagram filter app, except instead of chasing likes you’re chasing the exact combo of stockings + panties that makes your brain go “yes, that, ruin her like that.” At one point I spent way too much time trying to decide if stockings with no panties is hotter than stockings with those tiny panties that look like they’re there just to be pushed aside. It’s stupid, but that tiny choice feels like authorship, like when you’re reading erotica and the writer chooses one adjective that suddenly makes the entire scene sharper. This game does that with fabric. You click, she changes, and your mind fills in the missing narrative. You kinda start inventing your own scenario: she just came back from a tomb covered in dust, or she’s pretending to be your “reward”, or she lost a bet, whatever. The game doesn’t care. It gives you her body and a cock you literally drag over her until you line it up with her from behind. No foreplay, no romance, she just takes it like this was her actual quest objective.

Sex itself is very “ok, you got what you came for, now shut up and jerk.” You grab the cock with the mouse, place it on her, and suddenly it’s this crude but effective little loop of her being pounded from behind and you trying to aim where you want to finish. It’s like the old Flash era where interactivity was basically “click to fuck”, just slightly cleaner. There’s something funny in how you move the cock around her body before sticking it in, like you’re sketching your own cumshot composition. Do you smear her thighs, paint her ass cheeks, cover her back, all over her hair, or just blast straight on her big tits? And yes, the dev clearly knows that people who grew up with Lara in polygon hell want to see her bent over, back arched, that ass full screen. It’s not subtle. But the weird thing is: for a game that simple, your brain still starts connecting it to other horny media. It reminded me of all those old “Lara Croft XXX” comics where she ends up tied to some altar and used like a ritual offering, except here there’s no story, no altar, only your cursor and her body waiting. I kind of loved that brutal simplicity, then got bored, then came back again later “just to test another outfit” and ended up dragging that stupid cock across her skin one more time.

This thing feels like somebody took old Tomb Raider fantasies from a horny teenager’s brain, smashed them into a cheap visual novel, then just went “yeah, good enough” and hit upload. And somehow it works. You’re basically babysitting a very obviously-not-Lara explorer girl who has more tit than common sense, stumbling through some “ruins” that are really just excuses for her to end up half naked and fingering herself behind stone pillars. Plot is like: go here, poke this, puzzle maybe, oops, now she’s rubbing her swollen nipples because some trap sprayed her with weird liquid. Classic “ancient curse equals instant porn logic”.

The thing that hooked me is how the game keeps pretending it cares about adventure. You get dialogue about lost relics and secret tombs, but every choice is basically: do you make her behave like a semi-professional archaeologist, or do you send her straight into horny disaster. And yes, you always pick horny disaster, don’t lie. One second she’s talking about inscriptions, very serious, next second she’s sitting on a rock with her tits out, stroking herself hard because the “mystical energy” is making her extra sensitive. It’s stupid as hell, but in that cozy porn way where your brain shuts up and your dick just nods. There’s these CG scenes where her boobs are just… huge. Gravity stopped existing. She’s squeezed into that tight top that looks ready to explode, and when she starts masturbating you can almost feel how uncomfortable that outfit must be, riding up, skin sweaty, hairs stuck to her neck. I got stuck once clicking the same stupid stone relief three times because I thought it was a puzzle, but apparently the real solution was just “have her jerk herself off in front of it so the door opens.” Yeah, okay, sure, video game logic.

I keep telling myself I’m here for “nostalgia”, because it’s a parody and all, but then I catch how much time I spend zooming my eyes on the way her breasts press together when she leans over a relic, acting like she doesn’t notice her nipples punching holes in that top. The masturbation scenes feel almost too long, in a good way, like the dev was horny and refused to cut a single frame. She moans, slows down, speeds up, loses it completely, and I’m on the metro trying not to shift in my seat like a creep. Some of the writing is low-key terrible, like those weird lines where she’s trying to sound badass and just comes off like someone badly cosplaying in a hotel room, but then she starts touching herself again and I forget I was laughing. Sometimes the attempt at “adventure” gets in the way, like yeah man I get it, there is some lost idol, can we get back to her rubbing her pussy on a cold stone altar already. Still, there’s this one scene where she’s alone in the dark chamber, breathing heavy, fingers between her thighs, whispering to herself that no one will ever know what she’s doing down here. That shit hits different on a crowded train.

Game feels like someone took every horny teenage fantasy about “what if Lara actually lost for once” and just went with it, no brakes. You start with her already caught, tied up, all dirty from the jungle, breathing heavy like she still thinks she can get out. Spoiler: she can’t. That’s the whole mood. She’s not the smug badass here, she’s the trophy. Boobs bouncing all over the place, sweat on the skin, little details on her abs and thigh muscles that make her look strong but completely fucked at the same time. It’s that nasty mix of power and humiliation that hits kinda hard if you’re into sad endings. She looks like she should be the main character, but the game treats her like a toy, like the “game over” screen that never ends and just keeps getting filthier. There’s guessing stuff going on, little choices where you try things on her body and see how far you can push it, and half the fun is failing on purpose because the “wrong” answer just means more punishment scenes. Felt like a dumb hentai quiz show in my browser, but with Tomb Raider getting railed instead of winning prizes.

One thing that really got me is how the tools change the vibe. Click on something that looks harmless and suddenly she’s moaning through gritted teeth, trying not to react, then losing it when you keep going. There’s this moment where she’s trying to twist her hips away and you’re just like “nope, stay there” and keep pushing, and the animation sells it way better than I expected for this kind of thing. I had a Pornhub tab open in the background and just forgot about it completely because watching her go from pissed off to wrecked is way more entertaining than some random sex tape. Also, small thing, but the sound when her gear gets ripped off is so stupidly satisfying, like the game really wants you to enjoy stripping her more than the actual fucking. The rhythm of everything is weird too, in a good way: quick hits of interaction, then longer scenes where you just sit and watch her take it, then back to poking around for the next thing to use on her. I kept thinking “ok, one more click and I’m done” and then suddenly I’m trying every option just to see how many ways she can be used while tied up and helpless. And I still kinda wish there was at least one moment where she wins, but no, the game is like “nah, she’s ruined, deal with it,” which honestly makes it hotter.