Vault 69 feels like somebody took a Fallout parody, spilled a full Pornhub search history on it, and then said “yeah ok, this is the plot now”. You play as the only useful dick in an underground vault that ran out of common sense and condoms at the same time. The Overseer basically pats you on the shoulder and says “go breed, champ”, while the whole place is full of desperate, half-broken, half-horny people that somehow still find time to argue about rations and power supply. It’s not subtle. It’s not trying to be smart. It just throws you into a post-apoc mess where your cock is both resource and weapon. You walk around the vault, talk to girls who are clearly one bad day from snapping, and every choice is like a weird mix of dating sim and HR management, if HR was about who gets to swallow and who only gets it up the ass.

What I liked is that the game doesn’t pretend sex is soft or romantic. It’s rough, dirty, and sometimes a little fucked up in the head. You’ve got big-titted slaves, “volunteers” that are clearly not okay, raiders topside who think “negotiation” means forcing the protagonist to prove his value by breaking in new captives. One scene had me trying a pickup line like “Let’s save humanity together” and the girl actually laughed at me before forcing me to go down on her as “practice” for future breeding candidates. Another time I tried a more aggressive line, something like “Bend over the desk, I’m tired of talking”, and she just locked the door and went full dom on me instead, using my face on the chair and calling it “evaluation”. The game loves flipping your expectations like that. Sometimes your cheesy line works and opens a new hardcore scene, sometimes it gets you punched, sometimes it triggers a weird management event about population stress where you’re suddenly filling forms after filling holes. And yeah, those stupid little stat prompts that pop up on screen, they feel like Excel sheet made horny. I hated it. I also kind of liked it. I don’t know.

Outside the vault it gets nastier and funnier at the same time. You meet wasteland chicks who are way more dangerous than the gun they’re holding, and somehow the dialogue still makes room for cringe pickup attempts. Had a moment where I tried to be smooth with a raider girl, something like “You look like trouble, I like trouble”, and she just put a boot on my chest and told me I’ll “earn the pussy” by bringing her slaves to trade. Next thing I know, I’m back in the vault doing this awkward loop of cold resource management and hot, brutal sex, trying to decide who gets treated like a person and who gets used like equipment. The violence can be a bit much sometimes, honestly, but the world is so broken it weirdly fits. I wish there were more soft scenes where characters just fuck for fun, not duty, but this setting is not really about cozy cuddling anyway. It’s about mouths full, asses sore, power plays everywhere, and you stuck in the middle pretending your shitty pickup lines are actually saving civilization. At least when I alt-tabbed to check Discord after a particularly harsh anal scene, my brain needed a second to remember that in real life, people don’t usually ask “What’s your breeding quota today?” so I guess the immersion works a little too well.

Epifania looks like some luxury fashion week gone rotten in the sexiest way. Neon on wet concrete, everyone pretending to be high class while they’re literally lining up for a hole in the wall. You arrive as this nobody with big hunger and zero connections, just you and this building that looks like an abandoned outlet store someone forgot to bulldoze. Then that Devil Investor shows up, all smug and perfectly dressed, like the kind of client who sits front row at a fetish runway show and buys the entire collection with one bored click. She doesn’t ask if you want in. She just throws you the mission: turn this wreck into the most profitable and depraved brothel in the city. And suddenly you’re balancing spreadsheets and cumshots in the same breath, which, honestly, feels familiar to anyone who tried to run an Etsy store while doomscrolling Pornhub.

First thing that caught my designer brain: the girls are not copy-paste dolls. You start “training” them and it feels weirdly like fitting models for a very, very illegal lingerie line. You watch them change from shy little things clinging to basic underwear into total predators who know exactly how to use lace, heels, and a dripping mouth. Some are sweet mom-types with soft tummies and milk-heavy breasts, the kind you’d shoot for an expensive maternity fetish catalog. You push them into public booths where strangers use them like shared accessories. That whole gloryhole section? It’s like designing a collection where the face is irrelevant, only the silhouette of thighs and tits matters. I hated how it turned me on. I loved how it turned me on. It’s messy like that. One night I focused on a single “pure” girl, double-checking her stats on my phone between Instagram stories, trying to keep her first time special then casually booking her into a gangbang room right after because the numbers looked good. The game doesn’t guilt-trip you. It just quietly asks: more clients or more conscience? And you already know the answer, you capitalist slut.

The management part is sneaky. You think it’s just clicking upgrades, then you realize you’re planning who gets which kink like you’re coordinating outfits for a runway lineup: anal queen here, bondage star there, the tall milf with heavy lactation in the VIP lounge that smells like perfume and sweat. There’s this weird thrill watching your building go from dusty warehouse to multi-floor pleasure machine, with private rooms, voyeur windows, and that one office where you handle “contracts” with potential corporate partners who want their own harem branch. I kept pausing, thinking how I’d design actual lingerie sets for them: soft leather harnesses for the submissive accountant type, transparent body stocking for the market manipulator who ruins competitors while taking a footjob on her desk. At one point I was negotiating prices for public use sessions on one screen and sketching a crotchless bodysuit in Procreate on the other, and it all just blended. The game lets you push the girls into pregnancy deals like they’re limited edition drops, fill them up, send them back out, watch clients line up for that. It’s fucked up. It’s hot. I still wish the interface didn’t hide some details in tiny menus like some cheap fast-fashion site, but then I catch myself zooming in on a courtesan getting her ass filled and I forget what I was annoyed about. Anyway, the city doesn’t care. You start with nothing, you end with a building full of moaning, swollen, used bodies and a bank account that keeps climbing every time someone walks through your doors. It feels like running a fashion brand where the models never leave the show, they just keep getting fucked harder behind the curtain.

You start as this broke student drowning in debt, already kinda fucked by life before any actual fucking happens. Then this smug, gorgeous succubus basically walks into your shitty situation and goes “yeah, you’re a mess, but I can use that.” She throws you into this weird gig where your job is to sexfight girls from other worlds. Not “flirt then fade to black”, I mean full-on, turn based fights where every move is some horny bullshit. Strip her, grope her, tease her, get her horny enough that she can’t think straight, while she’s doing the exact same thing to you. If she makes you cum first, you’re done, and sometimes it really feels unfair because you’re there planning tactics and she just grabs your dick at the perfect moment and your whole “strategy” dies instantly.

The main loop is kinda evil in a fun way. You’re juggling money, training, and your stamina like some degenerate version of a mobile game. One moment you’re in a fight trying to decide if you focus her nipples or her thighs to break her composure, next you’re in her world visiting her on a casual date that starts normal and ends with her grinding on your lap in some alley. Fights are turn based, but they feel more like dirty chess, where every piece is either a mouth, a hand, or someone’s dripping crotch. You pick moves that focus different weak spots, stack arousal, push them closer to orgasm, all while watching your own bar go up and thinking “shit, I can’t take one more blowjob move or I lose everything.” I legit had one match where I was one turn away from victory, went greedy with a deep thrust option, she reversed, pinned me, and milked me with this slow oral scene that made me actually pause my Chrome tab because it was way hotter than I was ready for.

Each girl’s world is what hooked me more than I expected. You’re not just grinding them like generic NPCs; you go to their places, do small activities, and it weirdly turns into a messed up dating sim. One monster girl wants you to help with some “ritual” that’s pretty much an excuse to tie you up and ride you stupid. Another looks all tough in combat, then you hang out with her and realize she blushes the second you kiss her neck, and next fight she suddenly has new moves that are basically her trying to get you to breed her on the arena floor. There’s futa content thrown in, sometimes out of nowhere, like you’re expecting soft petting and then her cock is brushing against your lips while she pretends it’s no big deal. The art is simple but horny as fuck, especially when you finally strip them completely and the CG changes with their pose, drool, wetness, that kind of detail. It’s not all vanilla either: anal, oral, grinding, being overpowered by a monster girl who pins your arms, making a whole harem of different races who all want a piece of you, it adds up. And in the middle of all that, the game quietly reminds you there’s something darker going on with the succubus and the “contract” you signed, like your life actually depends on how well you make these girls cum, which is honestly the dumbest and also hot idea I’ve seen in a while.

You know that feeling when you open a One Piece porn game “just to check it out for five minutes” and then suddenly you’re juggling bounties, half-naked marines and trying to remember which island had the milf with the poison tits? That’s this thing in a nutshell. You start as this clueless guy who wanted to be a good little marine, then shit goes sideways and suddenly you’re eating some weird fruit, getting weird powers and everybody either wants to kill you or sit on your face. Sometimes both. It plays like a messy mix of RPG and sandbox: you run around ports and bases, click on icons, manage quests and money, train stats in some gym menu that looks way too innocent for what you actually use that strength for later. You pick a bounty, you travel, you get distracted by boobs, repeat. It’s all very “I’ll just do one more quest” and then you end up in a scene where Nico Robin is calmly ruining your self-control while you pretend you’re still here for the plot.

The girls are the real problem. Like, your productivity in this game will die. One second you’re talking tactics, next second Nami is teasing you, bending over a desk, pulling that “oh no captain, is this against regulations?” thing, and you’re clicking through dialogue with one hand. Tashigi shows up all stiff and serious, sword at her hip, then five minutes later she’s in a POV blowjob scene where her glasses are fogging up and you’re thinking “yeah, this is exactly how the Navy works.” Boa Hancock acts like a goddess, obviously, and when she finally drops the act and lets you mess her up, the game throws you a full ahegao cumshot with those animated facial twitches and it’s honestly more intense than most fighting in the actual anime. Reiju hits different though: pink hair, poison powers, big soft breasts, and she’s all smug while she jerks you off with one hand and explains casually how her toxins should have killed you if you weren’t “special.” I was like, girl, I’m already dead, emotionally.

There’s also this weird harem “management” vibe where you’re trying to keep everyone progressing, leveling up relationships, unlocking more pervy scenes, but you always end up neglecting someone because you got distracted by a new pair of tits. I kept telling myself I’d focus on missions, get my bounty level high, min-max stats and all that serious gamer talk, then Black Maria appears with those huge thighs and this lazy smirk, rides you in a POV scene and any plan goes straight into the sea. Sometimes the pacing is janky, like you grind random quests to unlock one specific anal scene with Zala and by the time you get there you forgot why you wanted it, but then she starts playing with your cock, teasing you, sitting on it slowly while keeping eye contact, and suddenly all that grinding feels very, very justified. The game doesn’t pretend to be classy. There’s vaginal, oral, anal, masturbation, corruption vibes where girls go from “I would never” to drooling, tongue-out ahegao, begging for more, and you’re just there clicking “next” like some pervert god of poor life choices. It’s trashy and horny and kind of clumsy in spots, but it knows exactly what you came for and it keeps throwing more thick pirate ladies and marines with big tits in your face until you forget what your original goal even was.