I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

This one looks innocent at first, like some cheap mobile drama game you’d find between Candy Crush and Duolingo, and then suddenly you’re stuck in this tiny apartment where everybody’s boobs and asses need their own postal code. You play as this young guy, stuck in a cramped place with “roommates” that feel way too close to be just roommates, if you know what I mean. The older woman in the house is clearly on the “I raised you, but now I’m bending over in yoga pants for no reason” side of things. Big tits, big ass, no personal space, and she keeps walking around the kitchen in a tank top that’s absolutely not safe for children. Or adults, to be honest. I was checking Instagram between scenes and felt weird even having this game open in the same room as my kid’s tablet. At the same time I kept playing, so maybe I’m the problem here. You get a lot of teasing: she leans too close when she talks, grabs your arm for tiny things, “accidentally” presses her chest on you when reaching behind your chair. They pretend it’s normal family affection, but it’s not the kind you talk about at Sunday lunch.

What gets me is how the game keeps asking you if you want to be the nice supportive guy or the controlling jerk. It pops up with these choices like “comfort her” or “lay down the rules” and you’re there thinking, ok, this is mature relationship stuff. Then two clicks later you’re staring at her ass in tight shorts while she does the dishes and the text is like “you can’t help but look.” It feels a bit like those trashy TikTok point-of-view videos, just interactive. The other girl in the house, the roommate, is younger and acts like she’s totally casual with walking around in tiny shorts, sitting on the couch with her legs open, pretending she doesn’t notice your eyes glued to her. She calls you out for being strict, then five minutes later she’s stretched over your lap to “reach something” and the camera angle is right on her butt. And I hate how good the expressions are, but they also look a little plastic sometimes, like everyone had the same face filter from Snapchat, and then you forget that complaint immediately when the MILF leans in with her tits almost falling out. The relationships feel messy, like some weird mix of porn, actual family drama, and that anxiety you get when your WhatsApp shows a message from two people at once and you know you answered the wrong one too flirty. There were moments I genuinely felt bad choosing the more dominant options, and then a scene pops where she bites her lip because you talked rough to her and you’re like, alright, this is absolutely not going on my “recent apps” screen when someone borrows my phone. The game pretends it’s about “how you want to live your life,” but let’s be real, most of the time it’s about how long you can keep your hands off the curvy woman bending over in front of the fridge.

Getting dumped by your own dad and shipped off like some faulty package is already a mood, but this game somehow makes that whole mess the starting point for a horny strategy puzzle about redheads, power games and terrible self control. You land in a new city, get thrown into a school that feels way too clean on the outside, and then suddenly there is this weird thing where every second girl has that same fire hair and a body that looks like it was drawn by a guy who never heard the word "subtle". The protagonist is technically you, but really it feels more like you’re playing some unhinged greedy algorithm trying to optimize routes between tits, asses and who you can piss off the least in each scene. The game loves teasing. Not soft flirting, I mean long, drawn out bullshit where a milf bends over in front of you for the fifth time and you still somehow don’t get to fuck her yet, just a lot of groping, half-accidental "oops I fell on your boobs" moments, and those stupid timing choices where you either peek through a door or pretend to be a decent human being. And yeah, of course you peek. Everyone peeks. Then you reload because you wonder what happens if you don’t. Then you forget what route you were even on.

What I liked way too much is how the voyeur stuff isn’t just a one-off scene. You’re always catching people in some half-private situation: a teacher fixing her stockings while you "study", a mature neighbor bending over a washing machine in yoga pants so tight they’re basically war crimes, a girl in the dorm changing and you’re just outside the window with that shitty moral choice hovering. The visuals don’t try to be artsy, it’s more like: here, big tits, big ass, red hair, enjoy, you degenerate. Sometimes their faces look slightly weird from one angle, like they’re thinking about taxes during a blowjob, but then the camera swings a bit and you forget because the body language actually sells the scene. There’s this one moment in a classroom where you sit behind this stacked redhead and the game lets you "accidentally" brush her ass while passing a notebook. It sounds small, but the way her expression shifts from annoyed to curious and the option pops up to push your luck or back off, that did more for my blood pressure than some full sex scenes in other games. I still hate that the text box sometimes covers part of the action and I keep clicking like an idiot just to reposition it, and the dev probably won’t change that, but here we are.

The whole multiple endings thing turns into a mental chessboard in your head pretty fast. Do you keep milking the older landlady route with all the slow, sensual groping and late-night kitchen scenes, or do you go full chaos and chase the school girls with their messy drama and "caught in the hallway" tension. The game never really tells you which path you’re on, so you constantly feel like you’re one horny click away from nuking an entire ending, and honestly I love that and hate it. You try to min-max affection like it’s a JRPG stat, then there’s a scene where you watch two redheads argue in the dorm hallway, and you get a choice to take sides or stay silent. Pick one, suddenly someone else stops texting you for a while, a milf stops inviting you for "coffee" and you sit there wondering if it was that choice or the one where you grabbed a bit too much ass in the library. Also, side note, whoever decided on the pacing of the teasing deserves both a medal and a punch: sometimes you finally get a hot scene with kissing and groping and hand under the skirt, and right when you’re ready for the full thing it cuts, jumps to next day and pretends nothing happened, like some cocky Netflix show. But then three scenes later she leans against a wall, whispers in your ear, and all that previous frustration suddenly feels like part of the plan. Or maybe I’m just coping. Hard to tell.

Your life should have been boring as hell. Little farm kid, small fantasy town, marry a local girl, grow potatoes, die. Instead you somehow put a ring on one of the most famous adventurers in the whole damn kingdom, this stacked, battle-scarred goddess with giant tits, a perfect ass and a sword arm that could probably snap your spine if you misbehave. And she actually agrees to drop the armor, squeeze into a too-tight tavern uniform and work in your tiny, creaky bar as the new sexy waitress. It already feels like cheating just watching her bend over tables and pretend she doesn’t notice the way every drunk in the room is measuring her up like she is tonight’s main dish.

The game basically runs on that one dirty thought you never admit to anyone: what if your own wife wasn’t just yours? You’re the owner, she’s the barmaid, and every night the place fills with horny bastards, big spenders, shady mercs, orcs with big black cocks that barely fit in their trousers, and you decide how far you push her. Maybe you keep it “sweet” at first. Let her flirt, talk with that cute shy smile, boobs almost falling out of her corset while guys tip extra to see a little more cleavage. Then you start choosing drinks or events that push the mood. Stronger liquor, louder music, “accidental” wardrobe malfunctions, bets that end with her sitting in some stranger’s lap while you pretend to count coins. It’s all about nudging the line and then watching it vanish. One moment you’re proud husband, next moment you’re in the storage room jerking off because she just let a dark elf slap her ass in front of everyone and laughed like it was nothing.

What hits hard is how the game makes you feel both powerful and pathetic at the same time. You call the shots, pick dialog, pick what she wears, if she serves the regulars in that half-open shirt or that super tight skirt she can barely walk in. You choose if she smiles and seduces, if she blushes in humiliation, if she gets rough-handled behind the bar when you “look away” a bit too long. Sometimes you try to be a good guy and keep her safe, but the tavern itself kind of corrupts you. Money goes up faster when she lets them touch. Reputation spreads when she serves the big black stud in the corner and doesn’t stop him when his hand climbs under her skirt. And the part that fucked my brain a bit is that she actually likes the attention if you keep pushing that way, or she hates it and still does it because she wants you happy, and both versions are hot for completely different reasons. It’s not just porn, it’s this slow, messy slide from “my loyal wife” to “everyone’s favorite milf waitress” with you stuck between jealousy, pride, arousal and this weird, guilty smile while adventurers brag about how good her mouth feels. By the time the tavern is famous, you’re not even sure if you’re still the husband or just the guy who owns the bed she crawls into after getting pounded behind the bar. And somehow, that’s exactly what you were dreaming of from the start.