Clara Loft shows up on screen and you instantly know the game is not pretending to be “serious archaeology”. She opens her mouth, that smug British accent hits you, and suddenly you’re way less interested in lost temples and way more curious about what’s under the shorts that are absolutely not work-appropriate. The whole thing feels like some horny fan project that escaped from a Discord server and grew just enough muscle to become a real game. In a good way. Mostly. You’re the new assistant, which sounds important, but quickly turns into “guy who carries the bags, gets insulted, and maybe, if he plays his cards right, ends up with his cock somewhere near those ridiculous tits.” The story acts like it’s about relics and curses and puzzles, but half the time it’s just an excuse to put Clara in one more situation where her ass is sticking out while she complains she “can’t quite reach”. Sure, professor. Of course you can’t.

The teasing is honestly the main event here. She talks a lot, and it’s actually voiced, not that weird text-to-speech flat stuff. She’ll roast you for staring, then lean forward anyway, then pretend she doesn’t notice your character literally masturbating in the tent while she’s humming on the other side of the canvas. There’s this one scene where you’re supposed to be guarding some artifact and instead end up watching her bathe through a hole in the wall. That moment is so stupidly predictable and still works. She keeps doing that “half annoyed, half amused” thing, like she knows exactly what you’re doing with your hand. And yeah, the game does not shy away from going all the way. Blowjobs, handjobs, riding you until her tits bounce way past realistic physics, sliding them around your cock like she’s trying to polish a trophy, and eventually some heavier stuff if you keep pushing her down the more corrupted path instead of playing the sweet gentleman. It leans into parody, so one second she’s moaning in your ear, next second she’s cracking some meta joke about “player choices” while you’re balls deep in her ass. Completely ruins the mood and somehow makes it hotter.

Mechanically, it’s like a horny choose-your-own-mistake adventure with some actual puzzles sprinkled in just to make sure you’re not clicking with one hand the whole time. A few of the “combat” bits feel like they exist only so the dev can say, see, this is a real game, not just porn, look, there’s a health bar. Nobody is fooled. The AI art gives everything this slightly off, dreamlike vibe where Clara’s boobs seem to grow a bit from one scene to the next and you’re not sure if it’s the supposed “breast expansion” angle or just the model losing its mind. Sometimes her face shifts a little weird mid animation and it’s like she’s turning into a different hot cousin for half a second. I kind of liked it, even while my brain was going, what the hell, pick a version and stick with it. Also, small complaint: there is one button in the UI that looks like it should open a proper settings menu but only gives you like three options and none of them are the one you want and it irritated me way more than it should. Anyway, if the idea of a smug, big-titted archaeologist slowly turning into your personal plaything while she pretends to still be in charge sounds fun, this thing absolutely leans into that fantasy and then trips over its own jokes, stands up, and shoves your dick between her boobs again.

I didn’t expect to care about the outfits so much. The first time Kaylan walks into that smoky cantina wearing something that looks halfway between a pilot’s jacket and a dominatrix vest, I actually paused. Like, *why* does this cheap little visual novel manage to make leather look expensive? Everyone else’s clothes seem one breath away from falling off - especially that Twi’lek bounty hunter with the split skirt that screams “fight me but also ruin me.” It’s ridiculous, yet it works. Maybe it’s because the lighting’s uneven, like someone forgot to polish the render - makes the skin look more real somehow, less glossy doll, more sweaty body after a chase scene. I kept thinking, “This shouldn’t be hot,” but it was.

The sound though - it’s weirdly good. Not the music (that’s just spacey hums and random drum hits), but the way the moans are layered under the blaster sounds, almost like they belong together. There’s this one oral scene in the ship’s medbay where the hum of the engine mixes with her breathing, and it’s… unnerving? I mean, I replayed it twice, so maybe not *that* unnerving. And then suddenly they throw in some heavy drama about betrayal and destiny, like I didn’t just watch someone get pinned against a console five seconds ago. It’s jarring, but kind of perfect. You’re half turned on, half emotionally confused, which might be the point - or maybe the devs just didn’t plan it that way. Hard to tell.

What bugs me is the hair physics. I know, weird thing to fixate on when everyone’s naked half the time, but still. Her braid clips through his shoulder right when things get intense, and I can’t unsee it. Yet I’d still call it romantic, in that messy, sweaty, “we might die in hyperspace” sort of way. The whole thing feels like fanfiction that got drunk and decided to grow up. I’m not sure if I love it or if it just caught me off guard, but I haven’t closed the tab yet.

Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

Local suburb, dead quiet, then this game drops you right in the middle of the kind of fucked up “family visit” everyone pretends never happens. You’re the short angry little dude in the house, the one with the chip on his shoulder and the impossible sister. She’s blonde, stacked like someone lost control with the breast slider, ass so fat it looks like the chair is about to file a complaint. She walks around like clothes are just a light suggestion, bending over in front of you, phone in her hand, half distracted, half teasing, like she knows exactly what she’s doing and still acts innocent. There’s this weird energy where you kinda hate her and kinda stare at her all the time. The game leans into that, hard. Sometimes she calls you “little man” and it stings more than it should. Sometimes she “forgets” to close her door and the angle you get is straight from a porn thumbnail. It feels trashy in a very deliberate way, like the dev is laughing and saying “yeah, you wanted this, don’t pretend.”

Then the local legends arrive. Big black dude, total neighborhood myth, the kind of guy every jealous little brother imagines as the worst possible scenario. Next to him, his smaller white sidekick, not small actually, just smaller than the giant. They show up with that lazy confident walk, like they already know what’s going to happen in this house and nobody can stop it. The moment they see your sister, the whole vibe shifts. Dialogue instantly goes from semi-normal to porn audition level, talking about her body, her ass, what they want to do to her, right in front of you. They’re not even subtle. It’s like the game wants you to sit in that humiliation, watching these walking meat towers size up your own blood, and the worst part is she doesn’t shut it down. She blushes, laughs, pretends to be offended, but she keeps giving them looks that say everything. The camera loves those moments, clinging to her huge boobs pressing against her shirt, her ass accidentally brushing against the black chad when she walks past him in the hallway. Accidentally. Sure.

There’s this one scene that stuck to my brain like gum on a shoe. You’re in the living room, pretending to play on your phone, but both of them are on the couch with her. She’s in the middle, practically drowning between them, the black guy’s hand stretched along the back of the couch, fingers a breath away from her shoulder, his white buddy leaning in close to whisper something in her ear that makes her cover her face with both hands. The text you get is pure taunt: they talk about “rearranging her insides,” about how your little body could never handle what she clearly wants. And the game doesn’t cut away. It lingers, zooms slightly, lets you see every little change in her expression while they crowd her space and you sit there, small, useless, pissed, and turned on in a way that makes you slightly hate yourself. It’s cheap, it’s crude, it’s absolutely not subtle, and then out of nowhere there’s one throwaway line from your sister showing she actually cares about you and it almost ruins the whole horny mood for a second. Almost. Then she bends over to pick something up, her ass swallowing her shorts, and your brain goes quiet again. I still don’t forgive the dev for the shitty text box font, by the way. It’s ugly as hell and I kept noticing it when I tried to focus on her tits, which feels like a crime.