I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

This thing feels like someone grabbed Zenless Zone Zero, shook it until all the plot fell out, and then stuffed the gaps with boobs, ass and weird sci-fi kink. In a good way. Mostly. You drop into this broken-future city where every alley looks like a porn set pretending to be a war zone, with those endless “zones” acting like basically horny dungeons. One moment you’re listening to some corrupted AI mumbling cryptic stuff, next moment you’re balls-deep in a girl who definitely should be focusing on the mission instead of riding you against a console that still has warning lights blinking. I like that the story keeps pretending it’s serious. There are memory fragments, data leaks, corporate secrets, all that. But the real thing you remember is Ellen pinning you to a wall, breathing heavy, while alarms scream in the background and she’s still half-talking about protocols. You know that classic “we’re in danger, we shouldn’t be doing this” moment? Here it happens like every ten minutes and somehow doesn’t get old, even though it absolutely should.

The whole visual novel style works nice with the parody vibe. You pick choices, watch the girls react, push them a little, pull back, then push too far because you want to see the lewd branch, and suddenly you’re locked into some very specific fetish scene you weren’t planning for but now you’re like “ok, fine, guess I’m into this now.” I had one run where I tried to play the polite, reliable agent type, always picking the “respectful” answer. That lasted until Miyabi showed up in that tight combat outfit, teasing non-stop, fake scolding me for “unprofessional behavior” while clearly begging for it. I picked the “stay focused” option and the game still found a way to throw me on a bed with her, leggings halfway off, her huge tits bouncing while she pretends she’s annoyed. Total liar. Later, same girl, different route, she rides your face like she’s trying to smother you, talking about “data synchronization” like that means anything when her thighs are around your head. And I swear the coders knew what they were doing with camera angles. Every time a big ass leans over a console, the important hologram is just... there, but your eyes are not there, you know.

What I liked most is how it keeps mixing the sci-fi talk with pure hentai brain. There’s some mission about stabilizing corrupted zones, and the way you “stabilize” one of them is basically fucking the anomaly out of an Ellen clone whose chest is so big it looks physically illegal. She’s shaking, glitching, flickering between normal and corrupted, and your “solution” is to fuck her until the glitch settles. It’s stupid, I laughed, then I replayed it twice. The parody of ZZZ is kinda loose, like it remembers Zenless when it wants a cool excuse for a fight, then forgets and just zooms in on cleavage. But there’s charm in that mess. One scene had you sneaking through a lab, trying to avoid cameras, and suddenly there’s a “stress relief protocol” event. Door locks, gas hisses, and some overdeveloped android with planet-sized tits calmly explains she needs your cock to “calibrate performance.” Ten clicks later, she’s begging, moaning your name with that perfect fake-robot echo, and you totally forgot there was even a stealth section. I kinda wish there were more quiet moments where you just hang out with the girls without every conversation turning into “oops I fell on your dick,” but also, that’s exactly why I kept clicking next instead of opening Twitter. Or, you know, going outside. The game knows exactly what it is and never pretends otherwise, except when it suddenly throws a surprisingly sweet line in the middle of a blowjob scene and you’re sitting there, pants down, feeling weirdly emotional while a girl with ridiculous big tits is drooling all over you. That’s the vibe here. And I’m not complaining. Mostly.

HornyCraft is one of those games that looks like a stupid dick joke at first glance and then suddenly you’ve spent half the evening making a milky sex farm in a world made of blocks. You play as this guy, Steve, classic cubic idiot with a pickaxe, stuck in a place where every cave and house and forest has something horny lurking in it. It keeps the basic survival and crafting backbone, but everything is twisted toward porn logic. You chop wood, smash some stone, craft a bed, then realize you’re not really building a base, you’re building a fuck hub where monster girls just wander in and turn your “storage room” into a breeding corner. I liked how the first time you meet a busty creeper girl it feels like a horror game for one second, she’s coming at you with those weird sounds, and then the animation kicks in and suddenly you’re watching this shaky blowjob scene with green slime dripping off her tits while you’re still trying to remember which hotkey opens inventory.

What sticks out for me, as someone who actually cares how BDSM and power stuff is shown, is that it’s messy but not totally brain dead. You get this mix of goofy parody and real kink. Like, you’re tying up a monster milf in a stone cellar you crafted yourself, torchlight flickering, and the scene plays with her trying to bargain, teasing you, and you choosing whether you fuck her mouth or make her drink her own milk from those massive tits. The game likes lactation a lot, sometimes too much, it will throw milk on screen like a busted faucet, and then just move on like nothing happened. One second you’re milking a futa spider girl you lured in with crafted web traps, handjob plus oral at the same time, very animated, all that twitchy leg motion, and right after that Steve is cutting trees again like some boring worker in a mobile idle game. It breaks the mood, but in a weird way it also works, because it feels like porn slapped on top of a grindy sandbox instead of pretending to be some deep story. Lesbian scenes pop up here and there too, like when two monster girls start going at each other in a small wooden shack you built for storage, and the game just lets you stand in the doorway and watch, or jump in, or shove one of them on her knees. Some of the horror bits try to be serious, dark caves, creepy moans, that kind of stuff, but you know it is all just foreplay to another blowjob animation or a stacked milf villager riding Steve on a crafting table like it is nothing special. I do wish the UI didn’t feel like a half-finished mobile port and that the text didn’t look like someone typed it in a hurry on WhatsApp, but whatever, the important part is that when a huge-titted zombie girl crawls out of a hole you accidentally mined into and pins Steve to a wall, the game actually lets the scene breathe, gives you a bit of control, a bit of roughness, and does not pretend it is vanilla. It is stupid, horny, and clumsy, but I kept remembering small things like the sound of milk dripping on wooden planks or the way a shy slime girl slowly wraps around Steve’s cock after you “help” her with a crafting ingredient, which tells me the dev understands at least one thing very well: people are here to get off, not to be impressed.

Tifa in this one feels like that cosplay you swore you'd only wear for a photoshoot, then suddenly you're bent over a con hotel bed with half the room watching. The game is basically just her on her knees in this rough, dirty cave, surrounded by guys who are clearly not here to chat about materia builds. No story fluff, no slow intro, it just throws you right into her sucking this thick cock while others crowd in around her, stroking themselves like they’ve been queuing all day. She keeps looking up with those big eyes, all wet and desperate, and as a cosplayer I kept catching myself going “ok but what kind of push-up bra do I need to get that exact cleavage and still breathe?” which is probably not the intended question, but here we are. The whole vibe is very fan-art-gone-too-far: you recognize her right away, that iconic outfit, but now she’s drooling, gagging a little, spit and cum on her face, and acting like this is exactly what she was built for. And somehow it works. Then suddenly I hate it. Then I keep watching.

The loop format is both hot and kinda annoying, like watching the same TikTok thirst trap for too long. She goes from one cock to another, sliding between them, licking up the shaft, switching angle, you get that classic “stuffed from all sides” energy even if it’s mostly focused on her mouth. There’s this one moment where she pulls back, tongue out, cum dripping off her chin, and still keeps eye contact, like she’s begging silently “who’s next?” That little detail actually hits harder than the big messy finish. And yet they gave one of the guys this super weird shading on his abs that keeps pulling my attention like a bad Photoshop filter. I kept pausing, zooming in, wondering what brush they used, which is the most unsexy thing to do in a gangbang scene, but now I can’t unsee it. The bukkake payoff is nasty in a good way, thick streaks all over her cheeks, lips, even a bit hanging off her lashes, and she still looks up, smiling like a used-up good girl, almost proud. It’s filthy fanservice, nothing deep, but her body language, the way she leans into the hands on her head, the way her throat flexes when she takes him too far, that sells it more than any “plot” ever could. I closed the page, then opened it again.