I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

So there's this game called Cartoon Hearts and honestly? It's kinda weird but in that good way where you can't look away from a car crash, except the car crash is horny teenagers and cartoon characters going to high school together.

You play some random dude - because it's always some random dude, isn't it - walking around what looks like a normal city but surprise! Raven's doing her goth thing in art class, Violet Parr's trying not to phase through her desk during math, and Starfire's probably setting something on fire in chemistry because that's just Tuesday for her. The whole setup is unhinged in the best possible way. Like someone took Saturday morning cartoons and said "what if they all went to the same school and had raging hormones?" which is either brilliant or deeply concerning depending on your perspective. The writing bounces between actually clever character interactions and moments where you're like wait did Raven just say that? Because she did and it's weird but also... kinda works?

Each girl's got her whole personality thing going on - shy artist with mysterious vibes, popular athlete who's secretly insecure, alien princess who doesn't understand human customs but definitely understands human anatomy. Standard visual novel fare but with characters you actually recognize instead of Generic Anime Girl #47. The dialogue gets pretty explicit when things heat up, which they do because that's literally the point. Some scenes hit different when it's characters you've known since you were like twelve, creates this whole cognitive dissonance that's either your thing or absolutely not your thing. No middle ground here. The art style does this thing where it tries to stay true to the original designs while making them more... adult-oriented, if you catch my drift. Sometimes it works great, other times Starfire looks like she walked out of a completely different universe than Teen Titans but whatever, you're not here for art consistency anyway.

Tony Stark finally gets to act like Tony Stark here, not the sad movie version always saving the universe instead of getting laid. You start in this obscene luxury island mansion that looks like somebody mashed together a billionaire’s Airbnb, a secret SHIELD bunker and a nightclub from Miami that never closes. The game just drops you in as the smug asshole host of an endless “hero party”, with Gwen Stacy on the balcony checking city views, Raven pretending not to care in a dark corner, Supergirl trying to look wholesome while wearing something that would get you banned on Twitch, and you thinking about profit margins while also planning whose panties you’re gonna take off next. It sounds like a power fantasy because it is, but the fun part is how messy and horny it gets when the whole “management” part starts clashing with “I want to creampie every superheroine in this building”.

One moment I was in some fake meeting room talking business numbers with Stark’s AI, flicking through contracts like on Google Sheets, trying to keep the party budget from exploding. Five clicks later I’m in the pool area, flirting with Spider-Gwen, picking joke options about web shooters that really should not have worked, and suddenly the dialogue goes from snarky to filthy real fast. It has that thing where your choices stack up quietly, so after a few shameless lines and one badly timed compliment about her ass, she still ends up in your room casually stroking you through your pants like it’s just another Tuesday. The game treats handjobs as just a warm-up, not some big event, which is kinda funny because they animate it like it’s a ceremony. And when she finally climbs on top and you choose whether to pull out or fill her up, the game actually reacts in later scenes with her being a little more clingy, or weirdly sarcastic about you not knocking her up. I picked creampie first time just because the button was bright and I have zero self control, then spent the next in-game day sweet talking her like I didn’t basically turn her into my personal breeding experiment.

What I liked a lot is how the heroines don’t feel copy-paste. Raven is cold and slow to open up, which makes it absolutely priceless when she goes from passive-aggressive spell girl to pressing her soaked panties into your hand in the training room. Supergirl acts like she’s above normal horniness, until you catch her alone on the terrace and push a bit harder, then suddenly she’s begging you to fuck her like some random fan, not a symbol of hope. Black Cat and Wonder Woman show up later and kinda blow up whatever “plan” you had, since they respond better when you act even more arrogant than usual. There was this stupid moment where I promised Scarlet Witch I’d help with some experiment, completely forgot, spent the night pounding She-Hulk in the gym shower, and then had to deal with Wanda throwing me this jealous, half-psycho magic tantrum while still obviously wanting my dick. The tone is all over the place in a good way: one room you’re talking business strategy like a tycoon game, next room you’re raw-dogging a superheroine on Stark-branded bedsheets, hoping the AI doesn’t comment. It’s horny, dumb, strangely clever sometimes, and absolutely not interested in making you feel like a good person. Which is kind of the point when you’re running a never-ending party where every hero girl eventually ends up naked and breathing hard into your ear.

Beast Boy's always been the comic relief of the Titans, right? Well, this visual novel takes that green shapeshifter and throws him into situations where his animal instincts aren't exactly PG-rated anymore. The whole "embracing his animal side" thing gets pretty literal when you're making choices about how far he'll push his powers with the ladies around him. And by ladies, I mean basically every female character from DC you can think of - Harley Quinn's there doing her crazy thing, Supergirl's got that innocent act going until she doesn't, and don't even get me started on what happens when Poison Ivy shows up. The corruption mechanics work through Beast Boy's transformations, where different animal forms unlock different... let's call them "interaction options" with each character.

What caught me off guard was how the game handles the power dynamics. Sometimes Beast Boy's the one calling the shots, using his abilities to get what he wants, but then you'll hit a scene where someone like Catwoman flips the script entirely and suddenly he's the one getting dominated. The lactation scenes with Power Girl were completely unexpected - like, who thought of that combination? But somehow it works in this weird universe they've created. The AI-generated artwork is hit or miss though, sometimes the proportions get absolutely ridiculous even by comic book standards, and Beast Boy's face occasionally looks like he's having an existential crisis mid-transformation.

The multiple endings thing is where it gets interesting because your choices about which animal forms to use actually matter for the story branches. Go full predator mode and you get the darker corruption routes, stick to gentler animals and you unlock the more romantic paths. Though honestly, the line between "romantic" and "completely fucked up" gets pretty blurry when tentacles are involved. The Raven storyline especially goes places that made me question my own kinks, but in a good way? Maybe? Look, if you're into transformation stuff and DC parodies, just prepare for some wild rides.