You slip into this game as the new professor at Beacon and the whole thing feels kind of wrong in a way that makes it hard to stop reading. It’s not shy about what it wants: you, a smug older guy with too much authority, and Ruby, older than in the show but still with that clumsy puppy energy, stuck in your classroom while you slowly bend her into something filthy. The whole thing runs on text, so there is no fancy distraction. Just words hitting you, one after another, like a slow hand creeping up a thigh. The writing starts playful, almost harmless, with dumb jokes and parodies of school rules, and then suddenly you realize you’re several choices deep into blackmailing this girl over one embarrassing incident in the training hall.

There was one scene where you “help” Ruby with her combat stance. It begins like normal tutoring, legs apart, hands on her hips, small corrections. Then the teacher voice in the text softens and turns very personal. The script pays a lot of attention to little sounds: her armor clinking when you press her against the desk, the soft “ah” when you grope a little too high, the tiny wet click when she swallows her nerves along with your threats. No need for audio, you can almost hear it anyway. And when she finally drops to her knees for “extra credit”, the text slows down, sentence by sentence, describing the way she breathes against your cock, the messy saliva strings, the muted gagging. It lingers just long enough to make you feel like a creep, then cracks a joke about grades, like it wants you to laugh at your own corruption. I kinda hated that. And liked it. Then hated that I liked it. The pace is strange like that: some scenes rush right to the good stuff, then later a simple spanking session in your office drags on forever, each smack and whimper stretched out until you feel the heat of her ass on your own palm.

The domination side is not gentle. She starts shy and stubborn, but it doesn’t take long before you’re shoving her face into the desk, pulling her hair while you push inside her, reading her humiliation thoughts in these short, guilty inner monologues. You get moments where she tries to act tough, where the humor pops back up and she cracks a joke while your hand is down her panties, but then one line cuts through, like her realizing she is actually wetter when you insult her. That part stung more than any fictional bruise. The game leans fully into male power fantasy, from groping in crowded halls, to secret anal “lessons” after class, to forcing her to masturbate for you while you just watch and grade her form like it’s homework. Sometimes the text repeats certain actions again and again, like the writer forgot they already described how tight she is, but somehow it fits the sleazy, obsessive tone. It’s messy, too horny to be elegant, full of teasing and rough sex and stupid little asides, like your character complaining about paperwork in the middle of making Ruby choke on him. And yeah, the whole school setting, the blackmail, the way her innocence gets peeled off scene by scene, it all feels like reading a dirty fanfic at 200% intensity, where every new “lesson” is just an excuse to drag her a little deeper into your bed, and her shame sounds louder in your head than any battle in the original show ever did.

This Zelda parody hits different than your typical fan game bullshit. Love in Hyrule throws you into some alternate timeline where Princess Zelda's got three other girls hanging around and everyone's horny as hell. The whole isekai angle works surprisingly well here - you're not Link, you're just some random dude who ended up in Hyrule and now these four women want to jump your bones. Zelda's still got that royal attitude but she's way more forward about what she wants. Ribo and Zaphie feel like original characters that actually belong in this world instead of feeling tacked on, and Kiya... well, she's got her own thing going on that I won't spoil.

The RenPy engine does its job fine, though the interface feels a bit clunky sometimes when you're trying to navigate between scenes. LewdSama's artwork carries this whole thing - the character designs stay true to the Zelda aesthetic while being sexy as fuck. Each girl has distinct personality quirks that come through in both dialogue and sex scenes. The harem setup doesn't feel forced either, which is rare for these kinds of games. You're not collecting waifus like Pokemon cards, there's actual relationship building happening between the steamy bits. Some of the dialogue gets cheesy but in that good way where you're laughing with it instead of at it.

What really surprised me was how much effort went into making Hyrule feel lived-in. You're not just clicking through sex scenes, there's actual exploration and world-building happening. The romance progression feels natural too - these aren't just fuck dolls waiting for you to show up, they've got their own motivations and desires. The hot scenes are well-written and varied enough that each character feels unique in bed. Fair warning though, this definitely leans into the fantasy fulfillment side of things rather than trying to be some deep narrative experience. But honestly? Sometimes that's exactly what you want from a Zelda porn game.

Mounting Olympus feels like somebody mashed horny Greek myths with a furry Telegram group and then said “yeah, that’s good enough” and honestly, I respect that energy. You roll in as this very human-looking little himbo in sandals, and suddenly every goddess in the pantheon has a tail, ears, or claws and wants to see what you’re packing. It’s a simple visual novel, so don’t expect some hardcore min-max RPG thing. You’re mostly clicking, reading, drooling, clicking again. But the fun part is how fast it goes from “oh wow, I’m in ancient Greece, how pretty” to “oh wow, I’m getting railed by a smug wolf goddess on a marble altar while the stars are watching.” The game is pretty linear, so you’re not really juggling a million choices, more like being dragged by the hand through a horny museum tour where every exhibit wants to sit on your face.

The art is where it got me. It’s hand drawn and it actually looks like a person drew it while being very, very down bad, not like some clean AI mush. Bodies have weight. Tits hang, ass spreads, fur looks soft enough that I caught myself stroking my phone screen like a clown. Some of the goddesses are full-on animal girls, some are more “humanoid with just enough fur and ears to make you question your life choices,” and the sex scenes really lean into that. You get plenty of close-ups, expressions that change mid-thrust, messy fluids, all that good “oh, we’re really doing this” stuff. I had Chrome on my laptop, Discord pinging in the background, and I still forgot about everything else during this one scene where a towering lioness goddess pins you to a temple floor and just grinds on you until your character is literally begging. Dialogue is cheesy as hell sometimes, like those old Yahoo chat RP days, but in a way that fits. One line made me snort-laugh and horny at the same time, which is honestly talent.

Is it perfect? No. Some transitions feel a bit stiff, like the script just needed one more read-through, and once or twice the pacing shifts from slow burn tease to “ok, cock out now” so fast I almost got whiplash. Story wise, it’s more “sexy roadtrip across Olympus” than deep fantasy saga, and there are moments where you’re like, wait, why is this goddess suddenly super into me after two lines of dialogue, but then you remember you’re here for cum, not character studies. Still, the way they use simple VN tricks like fading the background while the goddess leans in close, or that little pause before a new CG pops up, builds tension better than some big-budget stuff on Steam. The best part is when the text lingers a bit too long on how a clawed hand traces your thigh or how a tail curls around your waist, then the scene finally hits and the illustration is like “surprise, you’re getting stuffed.” I wish the game let me replay individual scenes more easily without button mashing through all the build-up, but whatever, I still went back. It’s messy, horny, a bit cringe in places, and absolutely knows it, which somehow makes it hotter.

"Beast Vessel" starts with you as the one guy in a world full of mana who has absolutely zero of it. Which is already kind of funny because in most fantasy porn games you are the chosen overpowered dick wizard. Here you are just... a guy. A magically useless guy who still somehow keeps ending up in situations where people are throwing spells around, monsters are sniffing you like a snack, and clothes are treated more like suggestions than actual items. It runs like a classic Ren'Py VN so if you ever clicked through horny dialogue while half watching YouTube on the second monitor, you know the vibe. Only here the world actually has some structure. There is a big continent, factions, rituals, weird rules around mana, and your body is basically this walking "empty container" that a lot of thirsty and dangerous creatures want to fill. In every sense. Sometimes with mana. Sometimes with other stuff.

The story likes to pretend you are making moral choices like "hero or villain" but half the time the real question feels more like "do you let the magic wolf lady pin you to the tree and drain you through a blowjob that looks like a spell" or "do you run away and miss the scene." I tried to play noble the first time, skipping the more fucked up voyeurism options, and still ended up watching a horny elf girl masturbate in her tent through a mana crystal that works as a magic CCTV. The game did that classic thing where it rewards you for being a creep with extra scenes, and as a data guy I can tell you from how this genre is going on F95 and Itch stats, voyeurism and exhibitionism are just exploding in popularity compared to even three years ago. The dev is leaning straight into that trend. You get animated loops with subtle movement, hips shifting, hands rubbing, magic glowing in just the right places. Not Pixar quality or anything, sometimes the 3D custom girl look hits that uncanny valley where the face is hot but the fingers look like noodles, but the sex scenes actually feel like someone thought about where the camera should be. One masturbation scene on a balcony really stuck with me. There is a mage girl using a mana orb as a vibrator, legs wide open over this glowing sphere, knowing the city below could see her if they looked up. I accidentally clicked the "watch in silence" option instead of "announce yourself" and it made the whole thing way nastier because she was moaning into the night and I was just... there. Invisible creep mode. And the game just moves on like "yeah this is normal."

What I kind of love and also hate is how your lack of magic keeps turning into an excuse for people to use your body like a tool. There is an early scene where a beastkin shaman straps you to a stone slab, explains that your "empty vessel" can channel overflowed mana safely, then proceeds to ride you while casting some ritual. Every thrust makes the runes light up brighter and she is half chanting, half screaming your name. She calls it a sacred duty and you obviously can choose to be offended or lean into it, but either way you end up being used. It is hot, no point lying, but there is also this small annoyance that you almost never feel fully in control. The UI even tricks you with "greyed-out" choices that you can't pick because your mana stat is zero, which honestly pissed me off more than any monster. Why show me an option like "overpower her with your own aura" when the whole point is that I have none. Still clicked it, still got mocked. I liked that. Or I didn't, depends when you ask me. There is some goofy humor too, just to break the horny flow. At one point a slime thing tries to eat you and ends up "tasting" another part first, and you get this text about "statistically significant rise in hardness" like the dev snuck a stats joke in my porn. I was weirdly happy about that line. The fantasy parts are not just dressing. There are actual small systems: mana corruption, beast influence, some flags that change whether a character later shows up as friend, predator, or crazed fan who wants to show herself off to you in public. One girl literally pulls you into a back alley and says she gets off on being seen with a "worthless non-mage" because it makes her feel even more powerful. She makes you stand there while she lifts her skirt at random passersby, then makes you clean her up with your tongue when some magical fluids start dripping. I wish there was a route where you can also become a proper mage and stop being everyone's toy, but honestly if that ever happens, this whole "beast vessel" idea would lose a lot of its nasty charm, so I kind of hope it never changes.