There is this strange, heavy feeling when the game opens, like walking back into an old porn folder you forgot, but someone has replaced all cheap hentai with something that actually stares back at you. You are this ancient thing, Iraáil, a vampire god-thing, whatever, but tired as fuck. Not the sexy edgy teen vampire tired, more like “I’ve seen too much blood and too much bad sex and I’m bored of both” tired. The game sits you in that mood right away. You’re not chasing girls in school uniforms, you’re walking into the ruins of your own family, and everyone in it either wants to fuck you, kill you, or cry when they see you, sometimes all three in same scene. The writing leans hard into that mix of horny and awful. One moment you are licking blood off someone’s throat while their lover watches and shakes, half terrified, half desperate to be next, and the text lingers on the taste, the smell, the way their body softens under you. Then, in the next line, it hits you with “this is your child’s descendant” and suddenly your dick and your conscience are in the same small coffin.

What got me is how the erotic scenes never feel like they are in a separate folder from the rest. You make a small choice, like putting a hand on a shoulder instead of around the throat, and three scenes later someone is either on their knees for you, or sobbing and calling you a monster while still grinding against your leg. The game keeps score in this weird fear and love way, but it never throws a big popup, it just quietly warps how people look at you. There was this one moment where I chose to be “gentle” with a worshiper in a temple, just to see what the soft option looks like. It still ended in cum and blood on the floor, but the whole vibe flipped. Instead of them begging you to hurt them more, they were whispering that they missed you, like some fucked up immortal ex, and I actually paused, alt tabbed to Spotify, changed the playlist, came back and just stared at the text like “why am I sad with my pants down.” And the horror parts, they are not jumpscares, more like that slow “oh, I really did those things, huh” realization. When your progeny strips for you, showing bite marks you gave generations ago like holy scars, it’s hot in that dirty, stomach twisting way. You want to click further, you also want to close the browser and go touch grass. But you don’t. You pretend you will be kinder this time, then pick the cruel dialogue anyway, just to see how deep the rabbit hole of this fucked up immortal soap opera goes. The game remembers. The characters remember. Their bodies remember you most of all.

This one hits different because the main guy is supposed to be a clown, but he literally can’t lie. Not even a tiny white one. So you’re walking around this fucked up city that worships fake smiles and cheap jokes, and every time you open your mouth, you just drop brutal honesty like a sledgehammer. People ask if their ass looks big and he’s like, “Yeah, it does, and it’s distracting in a good way,” and suddenly the whole scene goes sideways. The comedy isn’t just there for memes, it actually drives the porn. Half the lewd moments start because you said something too real, too sharp, and someone decides to punish you or reward you for it. It’s like watching a stand-up show that slowly mutates into a hentai, but the punchlines are basically social suicide. You’ve got this harem orbit forming around a dude who’s bad at pretending, which is kind of hilarious because every other game in this genre is about smooth talk and here you’re just blurting out the raw shit no normal person would admit.

The women are ridiculous in the best, trashy way. Big tits that look like they’re about to punch gravity in the face, asses so huge you start wondering about back pain, monster girls that belong in someone’s cursed browser history. There’s this one monster girl scene where she asks if you’re scared of her claws and instead of doing the usual “wow you’re so beautiful” routine, he tells her she looks like a horny nightmare from a hentai subreddit. She goes quiet for a second, blushes, then climbs on top of him with this “oh, you think that’s scary?” vibe and suddenly you’re watching her ride him like she’s trying to erase reality. Simple choices like “tell the nice lie” or “tell the ugly truth” keep turning into either humiliation, rough affection, or masturbation scenes where he’s just furiously jerking off while overthinking everything he said that day. I actually hated how often the game makes you click through his internal monologue in those jerk-off scenes, but then I kinda liked it because it feels like watching a clown take the makeup off while still stroking his dick. The pacing’s weird too, like eating a cake that keeps switching between chocolate and chili without warning, but when it hits a good stretch of comedy with sex right behind it, it absolutely works. Some of the parody gags feel like they’re trying too hard, like that one bit that’s clearly riffing on superhero movies and drags a little, yet a few minutes later there’s a romance moment where a girl with a massive ass sits on his lap, asks him what he really thinks of her, and you pick the blunt answer. She stares, cheeks go red, then quietly grinds on him until you both forget there was ever a joke in the scene to begin with.

There is this cat girl in college who honestly feels like she’s born under some weird star. You start with her just trying to be normal student, go to lectures, maybe pass exams, but very fast it turns into “how horny can internet be today” situation. Instacat is everywhere here, it feels like that cursed app on your phone that you know is bad for mental health but still open every five minutes. Every choice you make for her, you feel this mix of “I want her to find true love” and “yeah ok post that thirsty selfie in the dorm bathroom with the towel almost falling off.” The game lets you lean into both. One moment she’s shy, ears low, tail nervous, trying to talk to that one cute classmate in the cafeteria. Next moment she’s grinding in some party, her crop top sliding up, nipples kinda poking through, everyone filming, and you are staring at the option like: do I lean into the scandal, or save her reputation a bit. I told myself I’d protect her. I did not protect her at all.

What I really liked is how small choices snowball into horny chaos. You say yes to a “study session” with this flirty cheerleader cat girl and then suddenly you have her on your lap, licking your neck, purring in your ear, hands creeping inside your shorts, while textbooks are just sitting there like decoration. Then you later see the Instacat story of that night and realize some other character saw it too, and future scenes change, more jealous text messages, more late night calls, more “come to my room, we need to talk” that never stays only talking. There are proper sweet moments hidden inside all the filth, like when you comfort another girl who crashed hard from a scandal, hugging in her dorm bed, tail wrapping your waist, kiss starting soft then turning into that slow, breathy grind under the sheets, underwear pushed aside, bodies very close and sticky, with this feeling like you are not just hooking up, you are choosing her. It feels fated sometimes, like “ok, this route is the one the universe wanted” even if you arrived there by being a total horny disaster. The game makes you laugh at stupid memes, then two clicks later you’re watching your cat girl ride someone on a desk in an empty classroom, skirt bunched at her hips, claws digging into shoulders, moaning loud enough that if destiny is real, it is definitely a pervert.

Empire of Heroes looks like somebody smashed Pornhub, a Marvel fanfic subreddit and a horny DeviantArt gallery into one long fever dream, then forgot to hire an editor. You start as this dude who is technically a “hero,” but honestly he feels more like a guy who spends half his time saving the city and the other half trying not to stare at boobs that look like they could file for citizenship on their own. The world is packed with powered people, but almost everyone you actually talk to either wants to punch you, ride you, or both in some weird order. One second you’re in a rooftop fight where your power is going off like a bugged-out Discord notification, next second you’re flirting with a girl whose costume has less fabric than my old gym socks. The mood keeps jumping from dramatic comic-book speech to “fuck me on this couch before the villain shows up,” which sounds bad, but somehow it kind of works, like watching The Boys on mute with Pornhub audio in the background.

The big charm is how dirty and stupidly playful it gets without pretending to be classy. There’s this scene where you rescue a heroine who’s supposed to be this serious, veteran type, and ten lines later she’s teasing you about how “stress relief” is part of a hero’s duty while she grinds on your lap in a torn suit. The camera is obsessed with asses, not gonna lie. Every time a woman turns around the angle zooms like it was made by a guy who grew up pausing Netflix to stare. Some choices matter too: if you act like a cocky bastard, some girls actually like it and push back, if you try to be “good guy” hero, you still end up with your face between huge tits half the time. Fights are there mostly to justify why everyone is half naked afterward, covered in dust and barely holding their tops together. It’s less “tactical combat” and more “foreplay with punching.” At one point I paused my Spotify because the sex scene was actually hotter than the porn I had open in another tab, which is a weird moment of self awareness.

What kills me is how the story pretends to be super serious with mystery and conspiracies, then throws in a joke about hentai or some meme-tier line like “this is not even my final form” during a boss fight, then five minutes later you’re balls deep in a villain girl with glowing eyes and a laugh that should not be turning me on. The humor is very internet: horny, dumb, sometimes cringe, occasionally perfect. They drop little in-jokes about OnlyFans, Twitter cancel mobs, even some cheap shot about people who still use Facebook, and all of that is happening while your character is trying not to explode in a woman with thighs like a Marvel budget. Not everything hits; some scenes drag, there are times where two girls argue like a bad CW show and you just want them to shut up and start making out already. The pacing is a mess, like eating a full pizza and then suddenly someone throws a cake at your face, but when the game leans fully into “superhero soap opera where everyone is horny and slightly unhinged,” it kind of nails exactly that trashy, late-night energy that makes you think “ok, one more scene” and then you realize your right hand hurts more than your mouse.