Imagine walking into a clinic where everyone looks like they escaped from a horny Pinterest board you made at 2% battery. That is pretty much the energy of Futa Healthcare. It pretends to be all serious and medical, white coats and forms and “professional standards”, but two clicks later you’re watching a stacked futa nurse “check your reflexes” by making you stroke her under the exam table while she keeps a straight face for the other patients. The game leans hard into that whole “this is a legitimate checkup, sir” vibe while your cock is out, her cock is out, and nobody is doing anything that would pass any kind of ethics board. Which is the point.

You play this clueless young dude walking into a special clinic for futas, and he’s trying to act like he’s there for research or whatever, but the second a tall futa doctor in a tight uniform leans over him, you can feel his halo just slide off. There is this one scene where you’re supposed to fill a “sample cup” and the doctor says she needs to “supervise” because it’s for a special study. She stands way too close, latex gloves on, then she just wraps her hand around you and starts pumping while asking boring medical questions like “Any family history of heart issues?” while your dick is pulsing in her fist. It’s so dumb and hot at the same time. And they actually animate the rhythm, not just one lazy loop. Sometimes it looks a little stiff, sometimes you get that perfect angle where your brain goes quiet and your hand just keeps clicking next without reading.

The wild part for me was how often they weaponize uniforms. Not just nurses. You’ve got a strict futa doctor with glasses who talks like she cares about your long-term health, then tells you anal pressure tests are “routine now” and pushes a lubed toy in you while you’re strapped on your side, and the MC is half complaining, half moaning. Then later there is this older futa “specialist” with thick mom energy, huge tits pressing against her coat, doing a “family screening” with a relative in the next room, and the whole incest thing is just kind of dropped like it’s normal paperwork. She closes the curtain, tells you to relax, pulls your mouth to her cock and acts like it’s therapy. I’m there thinking, ok, maybe that’s too much, and still I click through every dialog line. The teasing is constant, they make you watch them masturbate on those stupid exam chairs, they grope you while talking about blood pressure, they send you out into the hallway with a visible erection because “we need to see your reaction in public situations”, which made me laugh because it’s so fake and also great. It’s rough around the edges, faces sometimes look a bit plastic, some animations loop weird, one nurse’s hand clips through a thigh every time she gives a blowjob and it drives me insane, but then she spits on the tip and the camera angle hits, and honestly I forget everything. The futa on futa checkups, the futa on female “patient comfort sessions”, the interracial scenes with that dark-skinned nurse riding your face while stroking her own shaft, the way they keep pretending it is healthcare when it’s just a sex dungeon with forms, it all blends into this messy, horny notebook doodle of a game that feels like someone put all their kinks in one medical folder and never cleaned it up.

Holy Shaft feels like somebody mashed together a horny visual novel, a shitty elevator safety video and a humiliation kink discord, then forgot to proofread anything and just shipped it. Which kinda works, somehow. You start in this janky little elevator that looks like it should be going to the office, but instead every floor is a new “what the hell did I walk into” situation. It’s not long-winded at all: door opens, you get smacked in the face with a scenario, you pick your poison, you get either sex, pain, cringe, or all three at once. Then ding, next floor. I was basically treating it like an achievement hunt: “ok, what do I have to say or click here to get her to pull out the toys instead of just slapping me and kicking me out again?” That kind of vibe. Sometimes the game rewards you with a proper scene, sometimes it feels like you got blueballed by the script, but you can kind of see the invisible flowchart in your head after a few runs and it becomes this weird puzzle of horny cause and effect.

What stuck to me most are those tiny branching moments where you think “this answer is stupid, no one picks this,” and of course that’s the one that opens the best scene. There’s this one floor where you can either play it polite or lean into being a complete degenerate. The polite path gives you like two lines and a half-assed tease. Go full trash, and suddenly she’s got a toolbox worth of sex toys out and you’re watching her decide if you deserve the vibrator or the paddle first. The animation is simple but it hits the important parts: jiggle, impact, expressions that actually change when you mess up or push too far. I liked how some characters take your earlier choices personally. Humiliate someone on one floor, then later you see her again and she’s way more rough with you, like she’s keeping score. Or you play submissive all the way and some of them switch into this mocking, playful bullying that feels like soft degradation porn. Sometimes it looks a bit cheap, like “Unity test build with horny plugin” energy, and some punchlines fall flat like an old meme, but then you get a scene where the spanking rhythm syncs with the sound and suddenly it’s way hotter than it has any right to be. The multiple endings thing, honestly, feels more like a set of “you were a good little perv / you were a trash fire” medals than big cinematic finales, but if you’re like me and have a notepad in Google Keep with “ok, Floor 3: choose rude option twice, then agree, then don’t back out” scribbled down, it scratches that completionist brain hard enough you keep riding that cursed elevator again and again.