I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

Phil is the kind of old bastard you see in hentai and think, “nah, nobody is like that in real life,” and then the game spends about ten minutes proving you wrong. He used to be this self-proclaimed sex god, king of the boarding house, panties thief, the whole package, and now he’s broke, humiliated, and somehow still horny as fuck. The plot is simple on paper: someone screwed him over, he got kicked off his throne, and now he claws his way back up by joining the local mafia and turning his own house into this weird mix of crime HQ and pervy playground. It sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that’s kinda why it works. One moment you’re helping him deal with shady guys in suits, the next you’re peeking through keyholes to watch a girl ride a dildo she swears is “for back pain only.” The game just shrugs like, yeah, that’s normal. Helga, Olga, Mirian, Layla, Ronda, Phoebe… every name drops like some bootleg crossover of childhood cartoon parody and cheap soap opera, and they all come with their own flavor of fuckery. Helga being a tsun brick with big tits is probably the least surprising thing in here. The first time Phil accidentally walks in on Layla, ass in the air, playing with a toy in front of her phone camera, I actually paused and laughed, because of course the old pervert doesn’t back out. He just stands there, breathing heavy, and the game lets you drag that voyeur moment out longer than it should. The teasing is constant, insanely slow at times, like the devs are edging you on purpose. You grab tits, you grope asses, someone complains, someone moans, and the line between “oops” and “he totally meant that” is very blurry. It’s a sandbox structure, so you bounce around the house, repeat scenes, poke at characters until new stuff unlocks. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s just Phil being a creepy old fuck and you go “okay dude, relax,” but then you click the same option again anyway, so who’s the real problem here.

What I didn’t expect is how much the game leans into Phil being old, not in a sad way, but like a filthy legend past his prime trying to speedrun a comeback. He talks about his “glory days” while staring at a teen with a big ass bent over the kitchen counter and whatever sympathy you had just melts. And yet, the game still lets him be this weird charm bomb. He flirts with Milfs and teens like it’s all the same sport, one minute groping some big tits in a cramped hallway, the next sabotaging some poor bastard’s date so he can swoop in. There’s a scene with Olga where he “helps” her with yoga, and you can practically smell the sweat and desperation when he pretends his hands just “slipped” to her ass. Anal stuff shows up more casually than I expected too, like Phil is just ticking off a bucket list he started thirty years ago. The parody angle pops out more in small jokes: little nods to “Hey Arnold” style names, some girl literally named Ronda who looks like she walked out of a bootleg hentai version of a kids show, and the game never points at it directly, it just sits there and lets you be the one who feels dirty for noticing. Sex toys appear in random places, like a vibrator casually on a coffee table, and Phil’s reaction is always the same horny old man energy, half shocked, half delighted. I only really got annoyed at tiny things, like how the same teasing line repeats in certain scenes and the timing of some events feels off, you walk in, get blueballed, leave, come back, same half-finished seduction, like the universe is lagging. But then you hit a new voyeur moment with Phoebe showering, water dripping over huge tits pressed against the glass, and the irritation just fades into the background noise. Nothing feels polished, not the pacing, not the transitions, not even the way Phil talks, but in this type of game it kind of fits. It’s like dirty fanfic that escaped, got some code slapped on it, and decided to become your new guilty habit without asking.

Hormones fried, brain confused, dick not really listening to the usual rules. That is basically the mood of this game. You’re this guy whose body decided to become a walking sex bomb and at the same time forget how arousal is supposed to work. Not in a sad, medical-drama way, more like “I’m cursed with endless cum and zero common sense” kind of way. The doctor takes one look at you, gives that professional smile that is absolutely not professional, and suddenly her “treatment” is a lot more tongue, hand, and thigh than actual medicine. The nurse is even worse. She pretends she cares about your health, but she’s leaning over you with her tits halfway out, scribbling notes while your dick is right there, aching under the sheet, and she just “accidentally” brushes it with her glove. Animated scenes make it very clear she knows what she’s doing. There is one exam where she’s supposed to check your reflexes, but the only thing jumping is your cock in her fist while she talks like nothing is happening.

Back home, you have the housemate situation. She calls herself the most important person in your life and then gives you this whole speech about never crossing the forbidden line. Two minutes later she walks through the living room in high heels and a tiny shirt with no bra, stretches right in front of the couch, and asks you if your “condition” hurts right now. You can go soft and respectful, or you can start using that condition as a tool. Male domination, sleep stuff, straight up groping while she naps on your lap, all of that is there. One scene that stuck with me: she crashes in your bed, totally exhausted, hugging your pillow. The guide in your phone starts buzzing with “steps” you can follow, and suddenly you’re sliding your hand under her shorts, testing the water, listening to her little sleepy moans while you decide if you stop or keep going. The voyeur side comes in hard too. Bathroom doors not fully closed, a “mommy” figure in tight dress and heels bending over the sink, you peeking from the hallway, phone in hand, your other hand busy. Later, you’re not just watching, you’re fucking her from behind in the same spot, her ass bouncing, big tits pressed to the cold ceramic while she whispers that this is wrong and still pushes back on you.

The fun thing is that it’s not just random scenes thrown together. There is this “guide” that feels half evil mentor, half porn coach. It messages you, teases you, tells you exactly what to try next to push every relationship just a little further past normal. One day it’s “try a simple handjob, keep her awake, let her pretend she’s only helping your illness”. Another day it literally encourages you to test how deep you can go while she’s pretending to sleep, your cock sliding inside a warm, wet pussy that keeps clenching even though she “doesn’t know”. Creampies become this reward system, like you’re marking your territory on your growing harem: doctor with cum on her tongue after forced “oral examination”, the strict older woman with semen dripping down her thighs as she glares at you, your “little angel” hiding your load inside her after she swore she would never let it happen. It’s all 3D-style visuals, with good focus on curves, soft skin, big tits that actually move when you grip them, and enough detail in the eyes that when they look up at you during a blowjob, it feels more intense than it probably should for a browser game. Best way to enjoy it? Don’t rush. Let the slow teasing do its thing, check your phone scenes, push just a bit more every time, and when the game offers you a choice between being gentle and being a total bastard, try the bad options at least once. You’ll see why.

Grief, horny thoughts and shitty autocorrect, that’s the basic vibe here. You sit in the skin of this older dad who suddenly has way too much free time because his only kid, Lidia, just flew off to some fancy university abroad. No more daily breakfast talks, no more nagging about homework, just a quiet house and a buzzing phone. The whole thing runs on text chats and little phone events, so you’re basically stalking your own daughter’s new life through WhatsApp-style messages and those fake notification popups that make you check your real phone like an idiot. At first it’s all cute and innocent: “Dad, I got lost on campus lol,” “Look at my dorm room,” typical teen stuff. You play the supportive, slightly awkward father, send her dumb stickers, give her clumsy advice about laundry and meeting new people. And then the conversations start drifting. Slowly. Painfully slow, in that “wait, did she just tease me or am I sick” kind of way.

There’s this moment pretty early where she accidentally sends you a selfie that is way too thirsty to be “for dad.” You can pretend you didn’t notice, or you can poke at it. The game totally lets you be that responsible parent who shuts it down, but of course the fun path is when you don’t. You joke back, she jokes harder, and suddenly the banter gets flirty in a way that would get your ass banned from most Discord servers. It’s kind of messed up, because the more lonely she feels at uni, the more clingy and playful she gets on the phone. She tells you about cute guys in her class, about some older professor that gives her looks, about drunk parties and how she “accidentally” forgot her bra. Then she sends voice notes about how no one understands her like you. Then she sends a pic where her top just “slipped.” You give “support,” she gives nudes. Fair trade, right? The game leans hard into that slow corruption thing: at first it’s fatherly pep talks, a bit of romance roleplay as a joke, then late-night sexting where she’s literally typing with one hand and telling you exactly when she’s about to cum. There’s a route where she starts asking you how to “handle” older men, and the way she phrases it makes it pretty clear she’s imagining you, not them. When she finally sends the first straight-up explicit shot, with cum dripping down her thigh, she frames it like she wants “advice” if she did it right. Like she’s submitting homework to daddy. You get that hit of “oh fuck this is wrong” and then you tap the next choice anyway. The dad’s side is not just horny either. You get these little details, like him scrolling through old photos of his dead wife while Lidia is live-texting him about how needy she feels. Sometimes he literally flips between an old family pic and a fresh shot of her tits, and your dialogue choice decides if he focuses on guilt or lust. The humor is dirty and kinda mean too, with her calling you a dilf in one branch and then playing it off as “haha just TikTok slang.” The teasing is constant: read receipts, typing indicators that stop and vanish, half-finished messages like “Sometimes I wish you were here to…” and then she deletes it and sends some safer line. The game knows exactly how to bait you. There are scenes where she’s in her dorm bed after a shitty day, crying in voice, and you can either comfort her like a normal parent, or gently nudge it into romantic territory, and both feel wrong in different ways. When she finally asks you to stay on the phone while she touches herself, whispering “pretend you’re here with me,” it hits that nasty sweet spot between romance and total taboo. Text based, yeah, but some of those one-line messages feel filthier than a whole CGI porn movie. And the worst part? The game lets you be genuinely caring, even protective, right in the middle of making her describe where your imaginary cum lands on her face. You’re basically roleplaying emotional support and perverted fantasy in the same breath, and the writing is just good enough that you kinda forget how fucked that actually is.