The first thing I thought when I opened *Lusty Buccaneers* was, “oh god, it’s going to be another lazy parody,” but then the main menu music hit me with this weirdly sensual flute loop that made me laugh and also kinda set the tone. You’re this half-dressed pirate guy who somehow keeps running into women that look suspiciously like they escaped from a certain famous anime, only now they’re way more interested in licking rum off your chest than finding treasure. I didn’t expect the story to actually *try*, but it does - sort of. One minute you’re fighting a sea monster, the next you’re having a long, awkward talk with a woman whose boobs look like they could sink a small ship. The writing swings between goofy and horny like it can’t decide if it wants to be a joke or a fantasy, and that’s exactly why it works.

There’s this scene with Nami - well, “Nami” with an extra vowel somewhere - that’s supposed to be a negotiation, but halfway through she just leans in and starts teasing you with her foot under the table. I swear I dropped my phone. The animation is smoother than it needs to be for something that’s basically porn with dialogue, and yet it still glitches when you try to scroll back during a titfuck scene. The devs clearly love their characters though; even the background girls have these tiny details, like the way Vivi’s eyes flick up when she’s pretending not to stare at you. Sometimes the pacing goes nuts - you’ll go from a group sex scene straight into a heartfelt chat about loyalty, and I couldn’t tell if I was supposed to be turned on or emotional.

What I weirdly liked most is that it doesn’t care about being consistent. One moment the protagonist is this cocky bastard, next he’s shy like a schoolboy when Boa gets too close. It makes him feel more human, even if his anatomy clearly isn’t. I wish they’d fix the dialogue box though - it covers half of Robin’s face during the best parts. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe pirates never get clean views of anything. I don’t know. I just know I kept playing longer than I meant to.

I’m not gonna lie, the first ten minutes of this so-called “slime forest adventure” had me thinking it was going to be another lazy pixel jiggle-fest. Then Lulu showed up - yeah, the succubus with that annoying half-smirk that looks like she’s about to insult you and kiss you in the same breath - and suddenly I stopped clicking just to grind stats. Her voice lines are soft in one moment, razor-edged the next. It’s weirdly human how she teases right after battle, like she knows you’re doing badly on purpose just to hear her talk dirty again. And I swear, the way the slime enemies wobble before they pounce? Too much animation detail there, makes you wonder if the dev accidentally coded in love. Or obsession. Both, maybe.

The combat isn’t hard, except when it is. One turn she’s rewarding you with a lazy hand motion that makes your health bar flicker, the next she’s draining your mana with a wet laugh that somehow feels heavier than the soundtrack. You keep collecting these weird trinkets - slime cores, silk strands, whatever - and they hint at crafting, but I can’t tell if it’s for equipment or foreplay setups. It’s not explained, which drives me insane and also kind of keeps me. There’s this camp mechanic, and the “rest” option turns into a slow tease with Lulu talking about freedom and ownership like she’s reading your private thoughts. Then she bites your neck. The game pretends to be about exploration, but every map just leads to her again, like the world’s folding around her thighs on purpose.

I still think the censored bits ruin some rhythm. You don’t need to show everything, but don’t flash white screens like it’s 1998 hentai VHS, come on. But maybe that’s the charm - it’s half-lust, half-fable, like somebody coded their diary into a turn-based RPG after too many nights alone. I wanted more enemies, less slime. Or more slime, less shame. Don’t know anymore.

You check in at this weird, fucked up hotel thinking it’s just another quick jerk break between Discord messages and a half-finished ranked match in Valorant, and then it hits you: everyone here is hot, half-creepy, half-adorable, and technically dead. Not rotting dead, more like “came out of a lab, upgraded with big tits and attitude” dead. They call it relaxation, but it’s basically a cum economy. Your load is the wallet. Every handjob, every messy blowjob, every time you pump some zombie babe’s pussy, the counter goes up and more doors unlock. It sounds dumb when you explain it, but suddenly you’re actually thinking shit like “ok, I need 6 more loads to reach that room with the smug goth girl that looks like Wednesday had a way dirtier phase.”

What sinks the hook in is how familiar a lot of the girls feel, without the game screaming it in your face. One moment there’s a clumsy, brainy girl in an orange sweater who drops to her knees faster than my Wi‑Fi when I open Twitch, and the next you’re staring at a green-haired psychic that basically radiates “I could throw you through the wall, but I’d rather pin you to the bed and milk you dry.” A blonde in blue spandex leaning on the balcony rail like she owns the place, a tomboy with short hair and headphones who’s way too into teasing slow strokes with her hand, a shy chick with glasses who deepthroats like she’s trying to study your DNA. The game doesn’t pretend to be subtle. It just throws familiar faces at you, puts a price on them, and says: pay in cum.

The loop is stupid simple, which honestly works when you’re half-awake after scrolling porn on Xvideos and going “ok, one more thing before sleep.” New day, new girl at the hotel desk or waiting in some shady corridor, each with their own number slapped on like a cheap mobile game microtransaction. Only here, you’re grinding with your dick. Do a few rounds with an early girl, blow your load, watch the counter climb. Hit that goal, suddenly a door you kept clicking before finally opens and there’s a smug zombie redhead licking her lips, asking for “payment.” Sometimes you just sit there staring at the screen because the animation hits that perfect angle and you forget you were supposed to stop after one nut and go back to Netflix. Controls aren’t special, some things repeat a bit too much, and the sound can be slightly off, but then a girl looks up at you mid-blowjob with those big, glossy, undead eyes and you’re like, yeah, ok, fine, one more round.

Okay so I was browsing through some superhero parodies and stumbled across this Teen Titans thing. At first I thought it'd be another lazy cash grab but damn, the art actually caught my eye. Raven's got that goth energy I'm always channeling in my routines - all mysterious and sultry. The way they draw her curves reminds me of this silk scarf number I do where I slowly reveal... anyway, focus girl.

The game throws you right into Titans Tower and honestly? Beast Boy as the main character works better than it should. You're basically living out every horny teenager's fantasy of being surrounded by these superhero babes. Starfire's all innocent alien princess but she's practically begging for it, Terra's got that earthy wild thing going on, and don't get me started on Jinx - that pink hair and those hips could kill a man. There's this scene where Raven's doing her meditation thing and you can actually interrupt her... let's just say dark magic isn't the only thing she's conjuring up. The titfuck scenes with Starfire are surprisingly well animated too, though I keep getting distracted by her accent. Sometimes the dialogue feels off but when you're getting your dick sucked by an orange alien princess, who cares about grammar?

What really gets me going though is how they handle the power dynamics. These girls have superpowers but they're still desperate for some human attention. Blackfire shows up later and she's even more aggressive than her sister - total dominatrix energy that I might steal for my next act at the club. The handjob animations are decent, nothing groundbreaking but they get the job done. Only complaint is Beast Boy doesn't transform during sex scenes which seems like a missed opportunity. I mean, tentacles anyone? The mobile version runs smooth on my phone which is perfect for those backstage moments between sets. Sometimes I catch myself thinking about recreating some of these positions on stage...