Eric is the kind of guy you walk past ten times and never really notice. Quiet, normal, owns a cozy little coffee shop, same playlist every day, shirts that probably came in a pack of three. Then suddenly his life turns into the kind of shit you only see on those late night Patreon posts. One moment he’s cleaning cups, trying not to burn the croissants again, next moment there’s this gorgeous girl leaning over the counter with her tits about to escape from her top, asking about “special blends” in a tone that has nothing to do with coffee. And he thinks it’s just a flirty customer. It’s not. It’s the warm up.

What I like is how slow it pretends to be at first. You get all this teasing, these small moments where a hand lingers too long, a skirt rides up when she sits, someone “accidentally” brushes against his crotch in that tiny storage room that doesn’t even look big enough to fit two people but somehow fits a girl on her knees. There’s one scene early where Eric is closing shop, and one of the girls stays behind. She’s helping wipe the tables, bends over just a bit too far, and you see the curve of that big ass under her skirt. It doesn’t jump straight to fucking, she starts asking him weird questions about “other realms” while she slowly runs her finger around the rim of his coffee cup, and you can feel he’s half confused, half hard as a rock. I wish more games paced the build like this. Except later it just throws subtlety out the window and you’re balls deep in a monster girl on a couch that definitely isn’t health code approved.

Once the non-human side starts showing, it gets fun in this horny, slightly dumb way. There’s the moment one girl reveals she’s not exactly human in the middle of a blowjob. She’s under the table, Eric is trying to keep talking to a customer, and then her tongue suddenly feels a little too long, a little too strong, wrapping around his shaft while she keeps sucking. He’s sweating, trying not to moan, the customer is rambling about milk alternatives, and you just know he’s about to cum in the worst possible timing. Then you see her real form later and think, yeah ok, I’d still fuck that. Some of the bodies are ridiculous in the best porn logic: huge tits that bounce even when they breathe, thick thighs that look like they could crush him if she rides too hard, asses that fill half the screen when she climbs on top. There’s a nice mix of soft romance and “I need your dick right now” energy too. One girl wants slow, deep, almost tender vaginal sex on his bed after a long talk, kissing him and holding his face while she sinks down on him. Another one climbs into his lap in the back room, pulls his cock out, spits on it, and starts grinding like she hasn't seen a man in a century. Sometimes it leans into the emotional stuff, with Eric really trying to understand what these girls are, where they come from, how his quiet little world suddenly got teeth and claws and horny eyes. Then other times it just goes straight to her sitting on his face, using him like a toy, and the “plot” takes a nap. At some point you realize the coffee shop is basically a front for a harem of supernatural trouble, and if you’re anything like me, you keep clicking anyway, pretending you care about lore while actually waiting to see who sucks him off next.

Champion of I: Luxuria feels like someone mashed together a horny tabletop campaign, a twisted VN, and one of those old browser RPGs you secretly played in the school computer lab, then sprinkled futa demon dick on top just to see who flinches first. You play a male Guardian tossed into this trial continent thing, Eden, where every second NPC is either trying to kill you, fuck you, convert you to their weird cult, or some chaotic mix of all three. It’s fantasy, but not the comfy kind. More like “congrats, you survived the ambush, here’s a monster girl who wants to drain you dry through your cock” kind. And the game just looks at you like, well, what do you do now, genius. The whole thing runs as a sort of point and click story flow with turn based combat stapled into it, where you’re juggling stats, conditions and relationships while also trying to remember which character you promised anal to. Scenes swing pretty fast from tense combat to filthy sex, and sometimes both bleed into each other in this way that feels kinda wrong and kinda perfect for this setting.

The sex itself is not subtle at all. You get vaginal, oral, anal, futa on male, monster girls who are way too into your suffering, weird swinging situations where your supposed harem members are trading fluids like it’s a Discord server gone wild. There’s this one moment early where you “save” a monster girl and the game quietly checks if you’re the kind of degenerate who offers your ass as a thank you or if you play the noble hero and just, you know, fuck her normally. Later on, I ran into a futa priestess who basically turned a victory scene into a full on worship session around my cock, and the game let me either lean into the goddess of lust vibe or resist it and feel like an absolute idiot. The writing is talky, sometimes too dramatic, then suddenly drops a line that sounds like it was written by a horny shitposter on Reddit. I kinda love that, but also sometimes it reads like the dev wrote it at 3% brain battery while scrolling Twitter on another monitor. The combat is fine, sometimes actually brutal, with status effects that stick around and make the next sex scene hit different because your guy is exhausted, cursed, or literally marked by some chaos thing. There is a sandbox feel, lots of routes, lots of choices that don’t hold your hand, and yeah, you can absolutely screw yourself out of content by choosing badly without the game apologizing. It’s messy, thirsty, dark as hell, but in that way where you keep telling yourself “one more scene” while Discord pings stack up and you ignore them.

Day starts kinda boring, you’re half scrolling Instagram, half thinking if it’s worth opening Steam or just YouTube again, and then this crazy shit drops in your lap: Ash busts in like a walking jumpscare, shouting about some luxury resort trip she “totally won.” No emails checked, no contract read, just vibes. Next thing, your stuff’s thrown in a bag and you’re headed to this rich-people playground that feels like someone mixed Pornhub categories with a corporate onboarding seminar. Everything looks too clean, too glossy, like the kind of place where the staff smiles a little too wide while pretending they don’t see you eye-fucking every milf around the pool.

The game does that thing where it lets you pick who you wanna be, and it actually matters a bit, not just a haircut swap. Different angles on the same messed up little paradise. Sometimes you’re the guy who can’t stop staring at his “aunt’s” ass while she bends over her suitcase, sometimes you’re catching your “sister” in the shower through a half-fogged glass panel and pretending you’re just “checking the water.” Yeah, it leans hard into that fake family taboo, like those sketchy Pornhub titles that autoplay when you just wanted a normal blowjob video. There’s a lot of quiet moments too, just you sitting in a fancy room, scrolling through some in-game phone app, pretending to be innocent while actually planning how to corrupt everyone around you, one accidental touch at a time.

What I kinda love, but also kinda hate, is how the resort itself acts like it’s on your side. Cameras everywhere. Doors that don’t fully close. Windows you can “accidentally” peek through. There’s this one scene where you’re supposed to go to some “relaxation session,” but if you mess around instead and follow the wrong hallway, you end up watching a full-on handjob through a tinted glass wall, your reflection overlaid on their bodies like you’re already part of it. The game doesn’t treat voyeurism like some small side thing, it just keeps pushing it: late night spying on a milf in her room, catching her playing with herself on the edge of the bed, big tits half out, moaning into a pillow while you’re stuck on the other side of the door with your dick hard, deciding if you’re gonna walk in or run. When you finally get physical, it’s that clumsy but hot progress: “accidental” groping at the pool, fingers sliding over a big ass while she pretends not to notice, her hand brushing your crotch a little too long in the elevator, then later she’s on her knees, giving slow wet oral that turns into messy, animated thrusting. Vaginal, oral, handjobs, all that, nothing shy, bodies moving, everything animated enough to feel alive but not super polished Marvel CGI. People talk while you’re fucking too, which I like. Dirty little lines, shy protests that melt into moans, that kind of thing. It’s horny, a bit toxic, kinda wrong, and yeah, that’s the point.

This thing feels like someone took a horny RWBY Discord server chat, smashed it into Ren’Py, and hit “fuck it, good enough.” And weirdly, that’s kinda the charm. You’re not dealing with slick corporate porn here. It’s Ruby and Cardin in a messy little fantasy romance that should not work at all, but you sit there clicking like a raccoon in a trash can anyway. The writing swings all over the place: sometimes it’s sweet “shy girl with her first real crush,” sometimes it’s “oh, Cardin is absolutely rearranging her inside that Beacon dorm bed” and the text really leans into it, spelling out every wet sound like the dev had Pornhub open on one monitor and Ren’Py on the other. There’s this one scene where Ruby is trying to be all serious about her feelings and within like ten lines she is on her knees, drool on her chin, begging him not to stop. That tonal whiplash? Honestly felt like some of the hookups at my events. One moment deep emotional talk, next moment someone is grinding on a folding chair.

The pacing is like a half-drunk house party where the snacks run out but the booze doesn’t. Early on, the story toys with the whole “is this romance or is this just Cardin using her” thing, and if you know RWBY canon you keep going “no way she’d fall for this guy.” And then you click through a few more screens and she’s pressed against the wall, panties around her thigh, gasping his name with that kind of desperate little whine that makes you shift in your chair. The moaning audio carries more weight than it should. It’s not studio quality, you can literally hear that slight home-recording vibe, but when Ruby starts letting out those shaky little cries and the text mentions her legs trembling while he pushes in deeper, it suddenly feels way more obscene than it has any right to be. There’s this bed scene where she’s trying to keep quiet, biting into the pillow, and the game keeps flipping between her thoughts about how wrong it is and then describing exactly how her body is clenching around him. Honestly, kind of hot in that “this is almost too personal” way, even if a couple of lines sound like they came from a Wattpad account that got banned three times.

And yet, for every filthy detail that hits just right, there’s a tiny thing that pokes your brain. The UI is there, it functions, but that textbox color? I keep thinking about it and I wish it was different, even if it never will be. Some lines feel like the dev just let an AI autocomplete, like mid-sex Ruby suddenly drops a weirdly formal line that nobody with a dick inside them would say. The parody angle shows up mostly in how off-brand everything feels, like this is Beacon in some horny parallel universe where everyone’s moral compass is slightly broken. Still, when Cardin grabs her by the hips and slams into her from behind, making her yelp and stutter through his name, it absolutely sells the fantasy. There’s a moment where she’s sore, cheeks flushed, hair all messy, but still climbing back onto his lap because she “needs it again” even though she can barely sit. That kind of detail feels oddly specific, like the dev was remembering something way too clearly. It’s clumsy, shameless, way too focused on this one wrong-but-right ship, and somehow that makes it hit harder than it should. I closed the tab once, then opened it again on Chrome because I wanted to replay that one corridor scene where he corners her and murmurs in her ear while she tries not to moan loud enough for teammates to hear. I’m not proud of that. But I’m also not going to pretend it didn’t happen.