Public transport wifi is trash, Pornhub keeps buffering, so I ended up poking around this thing instead, and somehow it ate my whole commute before I even noticed. The idea is simple as fuck: you sit in this sleazy casting couch office, you’re the “professional interviewer” with a dick that thinks it’s the main character, and all these famous anime waifus walk in like they answered a shady Craigslist ad. It looks like one of those mobile VN ports you’d secretly tap through on the toilet at work, but it runs smooth in browser and doesn’t pretend to be more serious than it is. Girl shows up, you pretend to ask a few questions, then it turns straight into “how deep can she take it” faster than Instagram shows you an ad after you talk about shoes once.

The fun is how wrong it feels to see characters like Tifa or Asuna trying to play “shy actress” for two lines, then suddenly they’re on their knees, lipstick smeared, eyes rolled up in that full-on ahegao, spitting drool down your shaft while the MC keeps talking like this is some normal HR interview. One minute Kobayashi is awkward and stiff, sitting proper, skirt straight, asking if this is really “just a simple audition.” Next click, she’s bent over the arm of the couch, fat ass bouncing on your cock, glasses crooked, trying to sound professional while you pound her so hard the text box might as well just say “nnnngghhh” for three scenes. I had one run where Froppy came in super polite, stuttering a bit, tongue peeking out, and by the end I was making her swallow every last drop while she’s got cum on her cheeks, tongue out like some horny frog idol who forgot what modesty was. The oral scenes are honestly the best part. They let the camera sit a bit too long on the lips wrapped around that big dick, slurpy sound effects, stupid little bits of dialogue like “it’s bigger than I expected” that should feel cringe but I still clicked next like a clown. Vaginal stuff hits too, especially on the big tits / thick hips girls. Bulma riding you while pretending it’s “for science” made me laugh way more than it should. Her tits bouncing, her moaning into some bullshit excuse about “data collection” while your cock is basically rearranging her brain. And the MC is not subtle. There’s this one moment with Chizuru where she comes in with that rented girlfriend vibe, all polite smile and legs crossed, then the questions slowly get filthier until he’s basically asking “how many times you can cum on camera” and she just kind of gives up and spreads for him. No smooth romance buildup. Just straight to “get on the couch, open that pussy, let’s see if you can handle a creampie on first shoot.”

It’s all very obviously made to be “five minute fun” and yet I kept going through girl after girl like some horny goblin collecting skins in Genshin. The game acts like you’re running a low-budget porn studio, but there’s almost no management layer, just enough fake “casting” talk to justify why Tifa has your cock halfway down her throat. Sometimes that annoyed me. I actually wanted to pick outfits, choose lighting, fail a scene, bully them a bit more with choices. Instead it’s mostly “click line, get lewder, dick out.” But in a shitty way that also works, because when I’m half dead on the metro after work I don’t want deep strategy, I just want Asuna kneeling between my legs and calling me “director” while she drools all over my dick. I kept thinking, “ok, one more girl and I close Chrome,” then suddenly I’m watching Satsuki, who’s supposed to be this icy queen type, riding me with that smug face twisted into a full orgasm meltdown, tits bouncing like crazy, talking about how this is “only for testing.” It’s scuffed, sometimes the dialogue repeats, sometimes the transitions are janky, and at one point I got irrationally annoyed that the interview desk lamp is always tilted the same way. But when you’ve got a screen full of ahegao, cum strings on lips, big asses slapping against your hips, and a parade of famous waifus lining up to “audition” on your cock, that stupid lamp is the last thing you’re actually looking at.

You open your eyes and you’re already in trouble. No menu tutorial, no long lore dump, just this weird otherworld vibe and a glowing crystal that basically says “congrats, you’re screwed, go seduce elemental spirits or everything dies.” It sounds super dramatic, but the game treats it like you just got hired for the horniest internship ever. One moment you’re asking what the hell is a sephira anyway, next moment there’s this spirit girl with ridiculous tits acting like she’s way above you and still somehow ends up on her knees, drooling on your cock while trash-talking you for enjoying it too much. The tone jumps all the time: you’re saving the world, but also getting jerked off by a smug goddess behind a half-open curtain while other spirits pretend they don’t see. It feels like some horny parody of heroic fantasy, except sometimes it hits something oddly sweet, then immediately ruins it with a sloppy blowjob CG where she’s looking up like she wants to devour your soul through your shaft.

What works is how the girls all feel like they’re spying on each other, and on you. You can be alone with one in a garden, her boobs barely crammed into this “armor” that looks like it would snap if she breathed too hard, and you still have this sense someone is watching from the bushes, fingering herself while you shove her friend’s face into your lap. The game leans hard into the voyeur vibe without always saying it. You get scenes where you’re supposed to “seal” a spirit’s power, and sealing basically means fucking her stupid while her magic leaks out of her body in glowy effects that make zero physical sense, yet somehow you get it. One had you sitting on a throne while several girls kneel around you, one stroking you slow, another licking at the tip while a third just squeezes your balls like she’s testing fruit in a supermarket. It visualizes “harem” in a way that feels messy and clumsy, like someone’s fantasy sketchbook that escaped from their hard drive, and honestly I respect that a bit. It’s not subtle. At all.

There’s this one scene that stuck in my head: a proud, bossy wind spirit that spent the whole route making fun of you, calling you weak, calling your dick “average” in that bratty tone, ends up riding you so hard her huge ass is slapping against your thighs, boobs bouncing up to her chin, while she threatens to crush your soul if you cum without permission. Then the game just lets you ignore her and finish deep anyway, and she breaks, eyes rolling up, drool stringing off her tongue, pretending she’s furious while her body clearly loves it. It should feel repetitive, but it doesn’t really, maybe because every girl has a slightly different flavor of bullying you, or pretending you’re beneath them while they’re choking on your cock. Jokes land in this dumb, charming way too, like a fire spirit complaining about “world-ending stakes” while jerking you off lazily, or a quiet one in the back of the orgy grabbing your hand and guiding it to her tits like “hey, don’t forget I exist.” The game looks like it was made more for the filthy CGs than for elegance, and yeah, some poses are awkward and some faces look a little off, but when you’re watching your character buried under a pile of naked spirits, multiple hands stroking, tongues everywhere, that stuff kind of melts away. It’s not refined, but it’s horny in a very honest, slightly unhinged way, like a late-night Discord server fantasy that became a real thing you can click through while one hand is busy.

Become Alpha is a porn game with tons of memes, kickass branching storyline, quests, RPG-like experience system, and a possibility to have sex with many partners. It's also pretty damn funny. The story is about Harry Panuchkin who's a nerd and a wannabe gangster. He has a big dick, but never actually used it. It's your job to help him get the pussy and make him a proper alpha male, that he always wanted to be.

You wake up already dead, which is a hell of a way to start a porn game, and this tiny chaotic goth gremlin called Misty is like “yeah ok, you fucked up, but I’m bored so here’s a new life, new town, don’t screw it up again.” Next thing you know, you’re in Mystic Ville, looking totally normal on the outside while walking around with magic in your pants. Not a metaphor. She literally dumped her powers into you and then acts surprised when you immediately start using them to peek under skirts, freeze time to stare at bouncing tits, and accidentally grope someone in slow motion. The whole thing plays like a horny cartoon series where you just tap around, click on random stuff, and suddenly you’ve got a naked girl stuck halfway in a changing booth, ass out, and you’re there deciding if you’re gonna help her… or “help” her. The game knows exactly what you’re here for, too. It throws you into these little episodes, like you go to a cosplay shop “just to look” and five minutes later there’s a busty catgirl on her knees fiddling with your zipper while pretending she dropped something. There’s this one bathroom scene where you’re using your powers to see through the damn stall and the girl inside starts touching herself, and the camera just hangs there, focusing way too long on her fingers and her thighs squeezing together. I actually had to pause because my phone got hot. Real hot. Or maybe that was just me. Anyway, the humor hits weirdly good sometimes, like Misty popping up mid jerk session to roast you for being a perv while you’re literally still stroking it. The MC talks a bit like a horny Reddit user, which is stupid, but it made me laugh once when he tried to act romantic and then immediately asked if her boobs were real. And the town looks all cute and cozy, but every second girl you meet is stacked and wearing something that clearly fails every dress code ever made. At one point I was trying to follow this “serious” plot about monsters in town, but then a vampire chick bent over a desk with her big ass filling the screen completely nuked my attention span and I forgot why I came there. I mean why the character came there. Whatever. The mobile version is honestly too dangerous in public. It plays fine, tap to move, tap to talk, tap to touch what you probably shouldn’t, and the animated scenes are way more intense than the still stuff. There’s this blowjob scene where the girl keeps eye contact the whole time, cheeks bulging, spit running down, and the movement is just rough enough to feel a bit messy, not all perfect loop like some sterile porn. It’s not even subtle about the harem thing, either. You flirt with one girl, fondle another, spy on the shy one masturbating behind her curtains, use your powers to mess with clothes, then the game is like “yeah they all kinda like you now, keep going.” Romance is there, I guess, in a horny anime way. They blush, you tease, they flash you “by accident,” you go home and nut over it. And then Misty shows up again, annoyed you’re using godlike power mostly to see nipples. She complains, threatens you, then hands you more ways to be a degenerate. Honestly she might be the real pervert here.