High School Days throws you straight into that horny teen chaos where everything feels like a bad decision and the right one at the same time. You’re this transfer student stuck at grandma’s place while your parents try to not kill each other, and instead of acting like a responsible kid, you basically start a city-wide harem project by accident. The tone is funny and kinda stupid in a good way, like those old Newgrounds games you played hiding the browser tab at school, except here every girl has an actual mini story and not just “click here for boobs”. One moment you’re helping some shy quiet girl with her homework, next moment she’s under the table giving you a sloppy blowjob while the teacher is two meters away. The cousin thing is wild too: she starts off acting like she barely remembers you, then she shows up in this tight top with insane tits and you’re like “ah yeah we’re definitely not doing family-friendly here”. There’s a scene where she teases you on the couch, her bare feet sliding up your leg, and by the time she has her toes around your dick, the game makes you click through every little movement, which sounds annoying but somehow it made me way more into the scene than I expected.

Stuff escalates fast once you figure out how the date sim loops work. You move around town, bump into girls, grind affection, grind stats, grind… everything. Some of the routes lean more sweet romance, losing virginity with candles and soft moans and all that, but others are straight-up degenerate and the game doesn’t pretend otherwise. There’s a “good girl” who looks like the perfect waifu and then her route flips into full-on femdom where she has you naked, kneeling, licking her asshole while she calls you her “study pet”. And because of the animated scenes, you actually see her sit on your face, her hips rolling, your tongue getting used like a toy. The rimjob, footjob, blowjob, vaginal, anal, squirt, all that is not just “text says it happens”. You watch the hips bounce, the cock twitch, the cum spray, in a simple comic style that somehow hits harder than more realistic stuff. I swear there’s this one threesome in the locker room, where you’re banging one girl from behind while the other sits on your face, and the loop of her tits jiggling is like, accidentally hypnotic. I stayed on that scene way longer than any normal human should. The funny thing is, the game tries to act like there’s some deep emotional drama, family crisis, “coming of age” stuff, but five minutes later you’re peeking through a window watching a milf ride a tied-up slave boy and you’re mostly thinking about how to trigger that route for yourself. It’s messy, horny, kind of trashy, and yeah, the pacing jumps around like a broken Spotify shuffle, but when a blackmail scene hits and the girl is forced to jerk you off while glaring and calling you a bastard, you completely forget you were supposed to care about exams or feelings or whatever.

Naruto porn games usually feel like some horny dude slapped boobs on a PowerPoint and called it a day. This one actually tries to be an “adventure” and not just a fap machine, which is cute, because five minutes later you’re making Hinata moan against a tree while pretending you care about plot. You start as Naruto, obviously, and the game just throws you into this village map where every girl suddenly forgot what personal space is. One second you’re “on a mission,” next second you’re sneaking peeks at Sakura undressing behind a paper wall, squinting at your phone like, yeah, this is exactly what Kishimoto had in mind back then, totally canon.

It leans really hard into groping and voyeurism in a way that feels almost too on point. Walk into a training ground, boom, Tenten stretching with her tits basically announcing themselves, and the game is just like, “press here to ‘help’ her adjust her stance.” That “help” is your hand on her ass, by the way. No subtlety. The funny part is how the dialogue pretends this is all very serious ninja business. Tsunade is there, huge breasts barely trying to stay inside that coat, lecturing you about discipline while your only “choice” is where you want to grab first: her tits or her thighs. You can go from pervy peeks to full-on vaginal sex scenes in like two clicks, no slow burn, no romance, just chakra-enhanced thirst. I was playing on mobile in incognito on Chrome, and at some point I legit forgot this was supposed to be a parody and not some lost doujin that crawled out of NHentai and got buttons slapped on it.

Specific moments stick in your brain. Like, there’s a scene with Hanabi where you’re “training her Byakugan” and the drill is literally you watching her masturbate while pretending it’s some focus exercise. Or that bit with Karin in a dark corridor where she’s pressed against the wall, cheeks out, and you’re “checking her wounds” from behind. Yeah, sure, wounds. Suigetsu randomly pops up just to be a thirsty idiot and then disappears again, like the dev remembered he exists and then lost interest. The voyeur scenes with Ayame are weirdly hot for no reason at all; she’s just bending over a counter, and the camera angle is so obviously perverted you almost laugh. Then there’s Lady Tsunade again, because of course the game knows exactly why everyone clicked on it: big tits, big ass, big “medical exam” that turns into you fucking her office desk raw while she pretends it’s therapy. Sound is basic as hell, but the low effort kind of works. Those cheap moans through your phone speaker in the bathroom feel dirty in the right way, like watching porn with awful audio on some sketchy site. The funniest part? The game keeps throwing “fantasy” excuses at you, like, “oh no, Orochimaru cast a spell, guess you have to touch her there,” and by that time you’re already one-handed on your screen and not reading anything. It’s messy, horny, dumb as shit, and somehow that fits this universe a little too well.

Clara Loft shows up on screen and you instantly know the game is not pretending to be “serious archaeology”. She opens her mouth, that smug British accent hits you, and suddenly you’re way less interested in lost temples and way more curious about what’s under the shorts that are absolutely not work-appropriate. The whole thing feels like some horny fan project that escaped from a Discord server and grew just enough muscle to become a real game. In a good way. Mostly. You’re the new assistant, which sounds important, but quickly turns into “guy who carries the bags, gets insulted, and maybe, if he plays his cards right, ends up with his cock somewhere near those ridiculous tits.” The story acts like it’s about relics and curses and puzzles, but half the time it’s just an excuse to put Clara in one more situation where her ass is sticking out while she complains she “can’t quite reach”. Sure, professor. Of course you can’t.

The teasing is honestly the main event here. She talks a lot, and it’s actually voiced, not that weird text-to-speech flat stuff. She’ll roast you for staring, then lean forward anyway, then pretend she doesn’t notice your character literally masturbating in the tent while she’s humming on the other side of the canvas. There’s this one scene where you’re supposed to be guarding some artifact and instead end up watching her bathe through a hole in the wall. That moment is so stupidly predictable and still works. She keeps doing that “half annoyed, half amused” thing, like she knows exactly what you’re doing with your hand. And yeah, the game does not shy away from going all the way. Blowjobs, handjobs, riding you until her tits bounce way past realistic physics, sliding them around your cock like she’s trying to polish a trophy, and eventually some heavier stuff if you keep pushing her down the more corrupted path instead of playing the sweet gentleman. It leans into parody, so one second she’s moaning in your ear, next second she’s cracking some meta joke about “player choices” while you’re balls deep in her ass. Completely ruins the mood and somehow makes it hotter.

Mechanically, it’s like a horny choose-your-own-mistake adventure with some actual puzzles sprinkled in just to make sure you’re not clicking with one hand the whole time. A few of the “combat” bits feel like they exist only so the dev can say, see, this is a real game, not just porn, look, there’s a health bar. Nobody is fooled. The AI art gives everything this slightly off, dreamlike vibe where Clara’s boobs seem to grow a bit from one scene to the next and you’re not sure if it’s the supposed “breast expansion” angle or just the model losing its mind. Sometimes her face shifts a little weird mid animation and it’s like she’s turning into a different hot cousin for half a second. I kind of liked it, even while my brain was going, what the hell, pick a version and stick with it. Also, small complaint: there is one button in the UI that looks like it should open a proper settings menu but only gives you like three options and none of them are the one you want and it irritated me way more than it should. Anyway, if the idea of a smug, big-titted archaeologist slowly turning into your personal plaything while she pretends to still be in charge sounds fun, this thing absolutely leans into that fantasy and then trips over its own jokes, stands up, and shoves your dick between her boobs again.

It starts messy, in the best possible way. You’re tossed into this warped version of the galaxy far, far away - not the kind that smells like burnt metal and destiny, but one thick with sweat and bad decisions. The whole thing feels like a fever dream that someone spun out after one too many Holonet smut threads. You’re the guy who somehow made it to Jedi Knight while everyone else got distracted by the war or by each other’s asses (and they’re massive here, holy hell). Half the time you forget why you’re supposed to be saving anything because Barriss bends forward mid-dialogue and the robe just... doesn’t hold. Then there’s Aayla, all cool confidence until her mouth opens, breathing hard like she’s half-daring you to break the code. They all do that. Even Padme - who says words about diplomacy but arches her back every time your name drops. It’s ridiculous and hot at once, like watching porn on mute during a political debate.

The turn-based fights almost feel like foreplay. Every encounter teases longer than necessary, camera angles doing that thing where you can’t tell if you’re fighting monsters or auditioning them for something darker. When Bo-Katan shows up, the whole tempo changes - less talk, more bite - and suddenly the lightsaber doesn’t look like a weapon anymore. My favorite stupid detail: in the menu, somebody coded a “meditation” button that just leads to sex scenes. Lazy? Sure. But it fits. Nothing here pretends to be noble; it’s all dirty Jedi business in slow motion. And when the game finally pops one of those creampie endings, you don’t even blink. You just chuckle, fix the screen ratio on your phone, and keep pressing through because apparently defeat can look like victory if the moaning syncs just right.

Weird thing is - somewhere between the teasing and the parody nonsense - it stops feeling like a joke. You catch yourself liking these twisted versions more than the real ones. Maybe that’s the Force talking. Or just the fact that the writing knows exactly how low you’ll sink for another glimpse under a Jedi robe.