So there's this game called Cartoon Hearts and honestly? It's kinda weird but in that good way where you can't look away from a car crash, except the car crash is horny teenagers and cartoon characters going to high school together.

You play some random dude - because it's always some random dude, isn't it - walking around what looks like a normal city but surprise! Raven's doing her goth thing in art class, Violet Parr's trying not to phase through her desk during math, and Starfire's probably setting something on fire in chemistry because that's just Tuesday for her. The whole setup is unhinged in the best possible way. Like someone took Saturday morning cartoons and said "what if they all went to the same school and had raging hormones?" which is either brilliant or deeply concerning depending on your perspective. The writing bounces between actually clever character interactions and moments where you're like wait did Raven just say that? Because she did and it's weird but also... kinda works?

Each girl's got her whole personality thing going on - shy artist with mysterious vibes, popular athlete who's secretly insecure, alien princess who doesn't understand human customs but definitely understands human anatomy. Standard visual novel fare but with characters you actually recognize instead of Generic Anime Girl #47. The dialogue gets pretty explicit when things heat up, which they do because that's literally the point. Some scenes hit different when it's characters you've known since you were like twelve, creates this whole cognitive dissonance that's either your thing or absolutely not your thing. No middle ground here. The art style does this thing where it tries to stay true to the original designs while making them more... adult-oriented, if you catch my drift. Sometimes it works great, other times Starfire looks like she walked out of a completely different universe than Teen Titans but whatever, you're not here for art consistency anyway.

You wake up as Lieutenant Arkay, already balls deep in Empire bullshit and not even sure if you’re the bad guy or just the horny one who signed the wrong paper. General Orbius dumps you on this secret research station called S.H.A.D.O.W., floating in space, quiet and cold, with that soft humming sound in the background that makes everything feel like it’s vibrating under your feet. Doors slide open with that smooth hiss, lights bloom across the floor, and every corridor feels like it’s hiding some dirty secret around the corner. It’s all very sci-fi and serious at first, then the “research” part hits: monster girls in containment, clone soldiers that look almost the same until you notice their tits or their eyes or the way they bite their lip when you grab them by the throat. There’s this weird mix of military discipline and pure filth that actually works. You’re still writing daily reports for the Empire, but between lines you’re thinking “yeah, I made her cum 3 times and then filled her ass, is that classified too, sir?”

The game plays like a sandbox of bad decisions. One moment you’re pretending to do your duty, checking data on some console like a good officer, next you’re cornering a clone in a maintenance bay, hand on her neck, thumb pressing into her pulse while the other one slides into her panties. The detail is nice in a dirty way: her breath getting shorter when you grope her, the way her thighs press together when you tease instead of fuck, the sticky sound when you finally push in after too much teasing. There is one scene where you’re in this observation room, watching a monster girl train with a group of clone girls. It starts as “combat exercise” and ends as you, behind one-way glass, jerking off while the monster girl pins one clone to the floor and licks her all over, and the others pile in. Full on group sex, tails wrapping around waists, hands everywhere, one of them riding a toy while you decide if you join them or just keep being the pervy voyeur. I actually liked the titfuck scenes more than I expected, which is stupid, because usually I skip those. Here, one MILF scientist in a tight uniform kneels in front of you in some random lab, pops her tits out of the white coat, grabs your cock and presses her soft boobs around it, slow, sticky strokes, leaving little smears of precum on her skin. You can feel in your mind that warm, slick slide, her glasses slightly crooked because you pulled her hair too hard. And I still think the anal scenes are the best part, except they kinda aren’t, except they are. The pacing is a bit strange: sometimes you spend too long just walking around the station, touching consoles, listening to Orbius talk about “important projects” while you’re just here waiting to creampie another clone. At one point I got stuck wondering if the clones even remember who fucked them yesterday or if it’s all blended into one long mission report titled “Arkay abuses his authority again.” Anyway, I got distracted by this tiny thing: the sound of doors. They always make the same noise, and now my brain links it with “someone is about to get groped.” It’s annoying. I kinda love it. I was going to say something about the fantasy part with the monster girls wielding strange powers, but now I just remember the way one of them clamps down around your cock when you push in her pussy while her tentacles hold another girl open for you, and yeah, whatever, lore can wait.

Rain, snow, horny college boys and a bunch of talking animal dudes in the middle of nowhere. That’s more or less the vibe here. You play this slightly awkward guy who got shipped off to study in Norway, and somehow you end up in this tiny guesthouse way above the arctic circle, stuck with a bunch of other guys who are all some flavor of cute, weird, or “oh god why am I hard again”. Most of them are furries, you’re a furry too, but the game doesn’t scream “yiff now” in your face. It’s more like: you wake up, brush your teeth, stare at the snow outside, and then suddenly the wolf roomie is stretching in a tight shirt and your brain just quietly leaves the chat. The lewd stuff sneaks up on you. One second you talk about science camp, next second you’re in some small bedroom, lights low, trying not to make too much noise while a guy with soft fur is breathing into your ear and you’re both already past the point of return.

What I liked is how it actually lets you be a little shit with choices. You can flirt badly, push people away, get attached to the wrong guy, or just be the shy mess who needs three lines of inner monologue to ask someone to go for a walk. Some paths start super wholesome, like watching the northern lights together and talking about your past. Then, without big fireworks, a hand stays on your thigh for just a bit too long, and if you lean into it, things escalate. The sex isn’t just “click and suddenly porn”. You work for it in a small way. Sitting close under a blanket, feeling his tail twitch against your leg, the awkward half-boner you’re trying to hide, all that. When it finally explodes, it feels earned: heavier breathing, wet sounds in the quiet guesthouse, his claws or paws holding you in place while you grind against him or drop to your knees. It doesn’t go crazy hardcore, but it doesn’t shy away from cocks, cum, messy underwear, morning wood pressing against someone’s hip in a shared bed. I got one scene where you wake up spooning a guy, fully hard, and he just reaches back, rubs you through your boxers and whispers something half-teasing, half needy. That was the point I stopped pretending I was just “checking the story”.

It’s not perfect. Sometimes the pacing is weird and you spend a bit too long listening to small talk about studies, and you’re like “ok but when do I get to make out with the big cat again”. A few scenes feel like they are heading somewhere filthy, then they slow down into emotional talk and your dick has to wait. On the other hand, that slow burn makes the actual payoffs better. You start to notice which guy looks at you when he thinks you are not watching, or how someone’s ears flatten when you tease them. There was one path where I ended up in a cramped sauna with another guy, sweat dripping, towels slipping, and the game leans into that “we’re just bros chilling” for a bit too long before finally letting the tension snap and you get hands under towels, hard bodies pressed together, all that steam making it feel even dirtier. By that point I didn’t care about the little dialogue stumbles or how sometimes the MC overthinks like a Twitter user. It’s basically “gay furry camp where you can actually fall for the dude before you jerk off to him”, with plenty of moments where your mouse is in one hand and the other hand is… busy.

Esterium feels like somebody’s horny D&D notebook that accidentally grew into a browser game, and I kind of love that it’s still rough around the edges. You get tossed into this messy fantasy world with a body you pick yourself: big-dicked futa amazon, soft trans mage, stacked barbarian girl with tits that look like they’d knock her off balance, or just some unlucky dude who wandered way too far from home. It starts simple, mostly text and some 3D-ish character shots, but the way the game talks to you has this awkward charm. One moment you’re reading about rusty swords and trading junk, next moment the description suddenly spends three lines on how your cock twitches under your armor, or how your nipples brush the inside of your leather top when you climb over a ruined wall. It’s a bit inconsistent, but in a kind of “oh, a real person is writing this while horny and tired” way that feels weirdly honest.

There was this moment where my futa barbarian was barely strong enough to leave the starting area. I thought, fine, gonna grind skeletons like usual. Instead of a big hype combat, the game just quietly lets you bonk a skeleton to pieces with a rusty axe and then spends more time describing the sweat on your abs than the actual fight. I was like, ok priorities understood. Then later I rerolled as a female mage, wandered in the wrong direction, and ended up in a forest that felt way too empty. Just birds, vague paths, some herbs, nobody to fuck, no monster girl jumping out of the bushes. I actually got annoyed, left the tab open, went to scroll Twitter on my phone, came back, and only then noticed I had missed a clickable option in the text. Suddenly, bam, you meet this monster girl with claws and soft curves, and the game flips from “standard fantasy exploration” to “she pins you to a tree and smells your fear before deciding she’d rather smell your arousal instead.” There is no smooth transition. It’s like the writer forgot they were making an RPG and remembered “oh right, porn” halfway through the paragraph.

The sex so far is short, but it hits specific buttons. There’s this focus on size, on how heavy your tits feel when you run, how your cock strains against your gear when a merchant leans over the counter and you get a hint of cleavage. It’s not super poetic, more like horny forum roleplay with slightly better grammar. Sometimes the pacing is just weird: a whole careful explanation of basic trading, then suddenly one sentence like “her tongue traces the vein along your shaft” and you’re like, wait, we’re doing this now? I like that you can be any of the three main body flavors and the world mostly reacts to your genitals instead of treating it like a big identity lecture. You’re a futa or trans type? Cool, here’s how your underwear feels when you walk, here’s how monsters grab you by the hips and test your “endurance” in a way that has nothing to do with hitpoints. I wish the combat and leveling were less prototype and more “I’m scared to fight that demon because she might absolutely break my back in the fun way”, but also, if they ever polish it too much, it might lose that sleepy, horny energy it has right now. It’s like catching a kink game at that stage where it’s still shy and a bit clumsy, but you can already see it wants to drag you into a dark alley and see how much your character can take before their legs stop working.