Not even sure why I clicked on that thumbnail, maybe boredom or curiosity, but this thing went way further than I expected. It’s weird how they made Samus look both powerful and humiliated at the same time - like she’s still that cold bounty hunter under all the mess, but the game keeps pushing her into situations that feel filthy in a way that’s almost hypnotic. You start thinking you’re just clicking through another cheap parody, then suddenly you’re adjusting sliders for things you didn’t think you’d ever have control over. There’s something so wrong about it, yet it’s done with a confidence that makes you forget to question it. I don’t even know if that’s good or bad.

The controls are clunky sometimes, especially when you try to switch between the toys - the physics go crazy, and I laughed instead of getting turned on. But then again, when the tentacles start moving in sync with her breathing, that laughter dies real quick. The sound design is grossly effective: too wet, too close, like someone’s recording from inside her throat. I kept muting it and unmuting again because silence felt even dirtier. The “pee” option caught me off guard; I thought it was a joke setting until I saw how detailed the animation was. Maybe too detailed. And the cake thing? I still don’t get it, but it sticks in your head like a smell you can’t wash off.

I guess what hits hardest is how the game doesn’t pretend to be anything noble. It’s pure control fantasy, ugly and honest. Sometimes she looks back at the camera and there’s this flicker - maybe shame, maybe pleasure - and I can’t tell which one turns me on more. The UI is garbage, but you end up forgetting about it, just lost in rhythm and skin and that awful metallic echo when she moans. I closed the tab, opened it again ten minutes later, and hated myself slightly less the second time.

Become Alpha is a porn game with tons of memes, kickass branching storyline, quests, RPG-like experience system, and a possibility to have sex with many partners. It's also pretty damn funny. The story is about Harry Panuchkin who's a nerd and a wannabe gangster. He has a big dick, but never actually used it. It's your job to help him get the pussy and make him a proper alpha male, that he always wanted to be.

Naruto fans with dirty brains, this one hits that weird spot between “I really shouldn’t” and “ok but I’m still clicking replay”. It’s set after all the main war drama, when Hinata is full-on milf mode, soft curves, that shy face still trying to pretend she’s modest while her body is doing the exact opposite. The whole thing is basically one long setup to watch her get absolutely ruined by the next gen, and the game doesn’t even pretend to be classy about it. No slow romance, no bullshit buildup, you’re just dropped right into this fucked up family situation where Himawari and Sarada are way too talented with that futa jutsu. They pop those thick cocks like it’s a party trick, and suddenly mom is sandwiched in the middle like she’s the prize for passing the academy.

The animation is where it hooked me. It’s that kind of flash-style loop that looks simple at first, then you start scrubbing frame by frame to grab good GIFs and notice all the tiny stuff. Hinata’s tits bouncing off her own chest when they really start slamming her, the little tremble in her legs when both holes are full, that split second where her eyes roll up and she tries to keep her mouth closed but a moan still slips out. I had VLC open just to catch the perfect “double stuffing” frame for my collection, and I kept pausing on that moment where Sarada is behind her, buried to the base in Hinata’s ass, and Himawari is grinding into her pussy from the front. Hinata’s caught in the middle, her belly stretched a bit from the two cocks, sweat on her skin, hair a mess. It’s filthy as hell, but also kind of hot how the game just leans into the incest and doesn’t do that fake moral dance. Naruto is basically a background ghost in your head here, like “bro, that’s your wife and your kid” and the game just shrugs and pushes another stroke inside her.

I’m giving this my very serious, very official “Best Use Of Futa Family Trauma” award, even if some stuff annoyed me. There’s this one loop where the rhythm feels slightly off, like Sarada is pounding Hinata’s ass with real force, but Himawari in front is moving too gentle, like she’s in a different beat, and it kinda pulls you out for a second. Also, her nipples look weirdly small in one angle and it bothered me way more than it should. I kept trying to capture the perfect angle where both futa cocks are sliding in and out at the same time and Hinata’s face is fully shown, but the camera loves her ass more than her expression, which sucks for GIF making. Still, when the double penetration really syncs up and both girls are slamming her so hard her whole body rocks, with cum pumping, holes stretched, mom moaning like she forgot what “no” is, it hits that nasty, forbidden Naruto hentai vibe perfectly. This is not subtle. It’s just Hinata getting used as a toy by the next generation, and the game is totally fine with that.

Con-Quest is one of those horny little browser things that looks kind of silly at first, then three minutes later you’re way too invested in whether some half-naked Pikachu cosplayer is going to stomp you or blow you a kiss. It plays like an RPG that forgot to be serious, which is good, but if you care about accessibility like I do, it also kinda forgot blind and low-vision players exist. The whole game is just walls of small bright text on bright backgrounds, no text size slider, no contrast options, no colorblind presets, nothing. I tried zooming in with Chrome and Firefox, had to keep dragging the screen around like some weird porn spreadsheet. And yeah, I know, you came here to jerk off, not to read a UI audit, but still. When Vanilla storms around the convention hunting the money thief, you get these fun, snappy lines, but if you have any reading difficulty or ADHD it turns into “click, click, where was I again.” They sped up the text speed which sounds good, until your eyes are slower than the horny dialogue and you’re chasing every line like it is Snapchat. At least the animated portraits are nice and expressive, Ivy’s smug grin is perfect when she’s basically edging you with teasing comments, but they don’t help when you can’t tell which character is speaking because the name text is tiny and there is zero voice indication.

The lewd part is funny and stupid in a good way. You’re running around this con full of cosplayers who clearly did not come for child friendly content. There’s a Meowth girl who basically flirts by bullying you, dressed in ears, tail, tight little outfit that clings like latex, and the “reward” is you humiliating her through battle and then getting this multi-stage animated scene where she goes from cocky to absolutely ruined for you. It is not subtle. Pokemon parody everywhere, bootleg mons jokes, sexy Flygon girl pinned into this “oops I fell on you” pose, Mia and Nia doing this twin act that feels like it wants to be wholesome and still ends up about you undressing them with stickers. The sticker book is basically your porn gallery, of course, but cycling characters with keyboard or screen reader? Forget it. I tried NVDA and JAWS out of habit, they both just saw a pile of unlabeled buttons and decorative images. No alt text, no focus order that makes sense, just “button, button, button” so if you play by ear it is like trying to masturbate while somebody reads you the settings menu of Microsoft Word. The new second floor is fun to explore, the whole “Vanilla might have this thief killed” plot gives her a mean streak that is kinda hot, kinda scary, but if you’re sensitive to flicker or fast motion, the quick sliding portraits in dialogue and sudden UI shifts can be a bit much and there is no toggle. Funny thing is, they clearly know how to tweak code, optimize performance, hook up animated rewards, tease you with topless alt portraits, but a simple “bigger font” button or high-contrast mode is still missing. I keep grumbling about that while also chasing every new horny cosplayer quest like a dog with a bone, which probably says more about me than about the game.