Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed a crime thriller with a horny family soap and then forgot to take out any of the messy bits. You play this young guy who is supposed to be a smooth criminal, sneaking around a city full of cameras, cops and idiots, but somehow most of your “heists” end with a naked ass pressed against something expensive. One second you’re planning a break in at a fancy apartment complex, studying guard routes on a shitty tablet UI, the next second you’re peeking through a door and catching your voluptuous “relative” bent over the couch, skirt around her waist, boobs swinging while she fingers herself to some cheap porn audio. Game just lets you stand there and watch, zoom in on her big tits, listen to all those needy little moans, while a small timer in the corner is like “leave before she notices”. Of course you don’t. You stay, you get caught, you get called a pervert, and then five dialogue lines later she’s pressing your hand between her thighs and asking if you’re “as hard as you look”. Morals die very fast here.

The pacing is weird in a nice way. You’re supposed to be building a crew, doing jobs, choosing who to trust, but the real choices feel more like “do you grope her on the bus or wait until she’s in the shower” and somehow both paths end in a blowjob anyway. There is a whole school arc where you pretend to be a normal student, but half the time you’re staring at thick asses in too-tight uniforms, helping some innocent looking girl “practice stripping” for a party that obviously turns into a private dance for you. Clothes slide off, bra hits the floor, she tries to act shy while her nipples are already hard and your hand is under her skirt. The animations are not perfect, sometimes the hips move like they forgot basic physics, but when she’s on her knees and you see that slow, wet handjob morph into sloppy oral, with drool on her chin and this lazy eye contact, it suddenly doesn’t matter. You get a lot of teasing too, women grinding on your lap during group meetings, lips brushing your ear while they talk about “targets” and really mean your cock. There is milf content all over the place, thick moms with heavy tits who pretend they’re oh so worried about your criminal life and two scenes later they’re riding you in the kitchen, tits bouncing, calling you their “bad boy” like that excuses the incest vibes at all. Vaginal, oral, mutual masturbation, some voyeur stuff when you spy on more than one person at once, it all stacks up until the actual robbery feels like a polite excuse to get everyone naked in the same room. I kinda hate how one of the best animated scenes is just a small thing in a stairwell where you pin her against the wall, yank her panties aside and slide in while she tries not to be loud because the rest of the crew is right below you. Also the save menu icon is ugly as fuck and I think about it every time I climax and then forget what I was mad about.

This thing starts with the most majestic form of suicide I’ve ever seen in a porn game: the dude literally beats himself to death trying to set a jerk-off record. Not “dies in battle”, not “hit by truck-kun”. No. He just goes for 100 handjobs in a row and his heart taps out. Peak gamer grind. I respect the hustle. Then boom, he wakes up in another world with a special power that basically turns his cum into party buffs. The game even calls it something cute like “Baby Seeds” but let’s be honest, it’s magical power jizz. You fuck girls, they get stronger. Classic isekai logic. Zero shame, full commitment to the bit.

The whole world feels like somebody mashed together hentai tropes, fantasy JRPG, and horny Reddit threads, then gave up on subtlety. You got monster girls that want to eat you and ride you, elves who look like they walked out of a hentai search filter, big tit milfs who act like they’re doing you a favor while they suck your soul out through your dick, and then tiny flat-chested troublemakers who pretend they hate you while still ending up bent over a table. And they’re not just decoration, they all want a piece of that “power up” sauce. You walk into a village and suddenly elf warrior girl wants to “test your abilities” by making you choke on her thighs while you finger her, then some furry mage is like “for magic research” while she’s grinding on your lap. I had one run where I tried to play it safe and focus on just one girl, and ten minutes later I’m balls deep in a monster girl with tentacle hair that won’t let me go until she’s drained like five rounds. The game pretends there is choice, but your dick is the main questline.

It calls itself sandbox and it actually leans into that. You wander around, poke random places, suddenly you’re groping a drunk warrior milf in a tavern corner and she’s laughing while she pushes your hand harder onto her ass. You go to some forest to “train” and instead end up getting your cock cleaned by an eager wolf girl who thinks oral is a greeting. Sometimes you’re trying to be the cool dominant hero, shoving a proud elf onto her knees and making her swallow every drop while she glares up at you, and then next scene you’re flat on your back with a crazy strong amazon warrior riding your dick like it’s a siege weapon and you’re just holding on and praying your character doesn’t get another heart attack. The sex is not shy about angles either. Anal scenes where you grab hips and just slam into them while their tits bounce all over the screen, messy throating where her eyes go watery and she keeps going anyway, stupidly long cumshots that feel like the dev really needed to make a point. And in the middle of all this horny chaos, you still end up laughing because the protagonist is a complete idiot who somehow turned jerking off too much into the most broken fantasy power in the world. Honestly, the game is kind of trashy, kind of janky, kind of perfect.

Kid grows up in the woods with a horny brain and zero social skills, that’s basically the whole mood here. You play this feral dude who got raised by a she-wolf, then suddenly tossed back into a huge “normal” house full of blood relatives with big tits, big asses and way too much lingerie for any actual family gathering. He’s supposed to “reconnect” with them and act civilized, but his idea of boundaries is what a wolf pack has, so… yeah. That’s where it starts getting filthy fast. The game leans really hard into that contrast: he pads around silently like an animal, but the camera keeps treating his new home like a porn set, zooming in on lace panties riding up a thick milf’s ass while she pretends this is just a completely normal reunion. Watching him stalk through the hallway at night while the blonde is bending over in her thin robe, thinking no one sees her, is honestly the best part. It feels creepy and hot at the same time, which I guess is the point.

The engine is that typical 3dcg VN style, but they really push the curves here. Every woman looks like the artist loves giant boobs more than sleep. There’s the tall milf with soft, heavy breasts that spill out of her bra if you even breathe on the clasp, the goth girl in black lace who acts like she hates everything but still leaves her door cracked open when changing, and the brunette who pretends to be the “responsible one” while walking around the kitchen in a shirt that barely covers her nipples. The MC moves through all this like he’s still in the forest, sniffing around doors, peeking through cracks, groping by “accident” because he literally doesn’t understand that grabbing a handful of big ass in the hallway is not a normal greeting. You get scenes where he’s watching through a half-open door while the blonde tugs off her panties, and the camera lingers way longer than it should on how the fabric sticks to her wet slit before dropping to her ankles. Another time he’s alone with the goth teen in her room, she’s in black stockings and that short skirt, reading, and you get this slow POV shot when his hand slides over her thigh like he’s testing new prey. She slaps him, but the game clearly enjoys that moment way too much to pretend it’s just “story”.

What I actually like is that his wild side is not just a line in the plot. Dialogues are rough, he mispronounces things, asks super blunt questions about bodies and sex, and the choices often boil down to “try to act like a normal guy” or “follow your animal instinct and touch what your eyes are glued to”. Early on you can sneak under the milf’s blanket while she’s sleeping, nose almost pressed between those big breasts, just breathing her in, hand hovering over her nipple until you give in and pinch it. She wakes up moaning before she realizes what’s going on, and yeah, that scene is dirty in a way that sticks in your head. Another time he corners the brunette in the laundry room, fascinated by a pair of her lacy panties hanging there, and she catches him sniffing them, face half buried in the fabric. The writing pretends to be shocked, but the camera is doing overtime on every curve of her body while she’s scolding him. It’s not really subtle. The only thing that drives me crazy is how one of the doors in the corridor always looks like it should open to some secret voyeur scene, with the goth masturbating or something, but no, it just does nothing, every single click. I know it’s probably for a later update, but it taunts me every time I pass by, like “hey, there’s more pervy stuff here” and then, nothing.

Mike Oxmaul is the kind of guy you look at and think, “yeah, that dude’s gonna have a normal college life.” Then you play ten minutes and realize, nah, this poor bastard is cursed by the porn gods. He’s short, he’s under-equipped, everyone around him seems bigger, hotter, more confident, and the game just loves to rub it in. Half the time you’re laughing, half the time you’re clenching because the humiliation hits a bit too close.

The setting is standard university stuff at first: dorms, classrooms, clubs, parties, a bit of sandbox wandering where you click around the campus and see who’s available. What makes it hook you is how every little choice you make about Mike’s ego spirals into something filthy. Say the wrong thing to the smug futa roommate and suddenly she’s got him on his knees, making him “prove” he deserves to stay in the room. Pick the cocky option with the tall redhead milf professor and you get this scene where she slowly unbuttons her blouse in her office, sits on the desk, and then laughs when she sees what he’s packing. She still lets him bury his face in her tits, then calls him her “tiny little toy” while he tries not to cum in his pants. It’s mean, but it’s hot, and the game just keeps doing that mix of arousal and bullying.

The sex is all over the place in a good way, and the 3dcg animation actually manages to sell the dirty stuff. There’s a scene in the locker room where Mike is hiding in a shower stall, watching two thick girls share a shower and start playing with each other, and you can either stay quiet and jerk it or “accidentally” knock a shampoo bottle. If you fuck up, they catch him, push him against the tiles, and one of them starts stroking his cock with her feet while the other films it on her phone, laughing at his size, threatening to leak it unless he does exactly what they say. Later there’s a club sequence where a drunk married woman grinds on him on the dance floor, her wedding ring right in your face, and if you go along with it you get pulled into the bathroom for messy cheating sex, her bent over the sink, whispering how her husband could never make her gush like “this little loser.”

The game swings hard between humiliation and actual romance in a way that feels weirdly real. One moment Mike is used as a cum rag in a group scene, taking turns giving sloppy oral and getting painted by bukkake while a crowd laughs at his ahegao face, and then a few events later you’re on a quiet date with a shy classmate who admits she’s still a virgin and kind of into smaller guys. You can actually choose to be gentle, focus on kissing and slow vaginal sex, her clinging to him and whispering his name while he tries not to blow too fast. Or you can lean into corruption, turn her into a needy mess who ends up begging to be creampied in a public place, risking pregnancy because “no one notices us anyway.” That mix of sweet and fucked up gives the story more bite than I expected.

There’s a lot of kink variety buried around the campus and nearby streets. Street corners with girls clearly doing prostitution on the side, where Mike can either pay to be dominated by a tall trans escort who makes him lick her heels and then rams his ass with a toy, or stumble into a cheap quickie behind a bar with a big ass milf who demands a titfuck first, squeezing her lactating nipples all over his face. One of the most ridiculous moments for me was a “study group” that turns into a gangbang when a popular girl decides she’s bored, strips naked, and invites everyone to use her while Mike awkwardly watches. You can have him join in and get lost somewhere between thighs and ass, mostly ignored while the bigger guys pound her, and then she still pulls him in at the end, jerking his pathetic cock until he shoots on her face for the final messy finish.

Pacing is a little weird sometimes. You’ll have this intense anal domination scene where Mike gets pegged by a smug futa who keeps calling him her “practice girlfriend,” sticks a vibrator in his ass and makes him walk around campus, then next thing is a goofy humor bit in a classroom about a stupid group project, like nothing happened. The jokes land more often than not though, especially the self-aware ones. There’s one event where Mike is watching porn on his phone, and the video is basically a parody of the kind of inflated hentai bullshit the game itself is flirting with: huge tits, impossible ahegao, milk everywhere, furry ears, the works. Then his real-life neighbor, this curvy girl with glasses, walks in on him, sees what he’s watching, and quietly asks if he wants to try “something smaller, but real.” That switch from meme-level ridiculous to intimate POV oral, with her slowly licking his shaft and teasing the tip while staring up, made me actually shut up and pay attention.

I also kinda hate how sometimes the teasing never pays off. There’s a footjob scene in a lecture hall where a girl slips off her shoes under the desk, starts grinding his crotch with her toes, and the camera angles are great, you feel every twitch, but then the professor calls Mike to answer a question and it just cuts without a finish. No climax, no punishment, nothing, and the game just moves on like it never happened. It bothered me for way too long, I kept checking the walkthrough and everything, and yeah, it still annoys me. At least the voyeur stuff makes up for it. Creeping around dorm corridors, catching quick looks through half open doors, seeing titfucks, anal, some interracial rough sex where Mike can only watch and jerk, hoping nobody notices him, that stuff is done dirty and right. And when a tall, dominant girl finally drags him out of his hiding spot and makes him strip in the hallway as payback, forcing him to stand there naked while she strokes him by hand and makes him cum in front of a small crowd, you realize the game really understands how to mix shame, lust, and a bit of twisted romance into one messy university fever dream.