Esterium feels like somebody’s horny D&D notebook that accidentally grew into a browser game, and I kind of love that it’s still rough around the edges. You get tossed into this messy fantasy world with a body you pick yourself: big-dicked futa amazon, soft trans mage, stacked barbarian girl with tits that look like they’d knock her off balance, or just some unlucky dude who wandered way too far from home. It starts simple, mostly text and some 3D-ish character shots, but the way the game talks to you has this awkward charm. One moment you’re reading about rusty swords and trading junk, next moment the description suddenly spends three lines on how your cock twitches under your armor, or how your nipples brush the inside of your leather top when you climb over a ruined wall. It’s a bit inconsistent, but in a kind of “oh, a real person is writing this while horny and tired” way that feels weirdly honest.

There was this moment where my futa barbarian was barely strong enough to leave the starting area. I thought, fine, gonna grind skeletons like usual. Instead of a big hype combat, the game just quietly lets you bonk a skeleton to pieces with a rusty axe and then spends more time describing the sweat on your abs than the actual fight. I was like, ok priorities understood. Then later I rerolled as a female mage, wandered in the wrong direction, and ended up in a forest that felt way too empty. Just birds, vague paths, some herbs, nobody to fuck, no monster girl jumping out of the bushes. I actually got annoyed, left the tab open, went to scroll Twitter on my phone, came back, and only then noticed I had missed a clickable option in the text. Suddenly, bam, you meet this monster girl with claws and soft curves, and the game flips from “standard fantasy exploration” to “she pins you to a tree and smells your fear before deciding she’d rather smell your arousal instead.” There is no smooth transition. It’s like the writer forgot they were making an RPG and remembered “oh right, porn” halfway through the paragraph.

The sex so far is short, but it hits specific buttons. There’s this focus on size, on how heavy your tits feel when you run, how your cock strains against your gear when a merchant leans over the counter and you get a hint of cleavage. It’s not super poetic, more like horny forum roleplay with slightly better grammar. Sometimes the pacing is just weird: a whole careful explanation of basic trading, then suddenly one sentence like “her tongue traces the vein along your shaft” and you’re like, wait, we’re doing this now? I like that you can be any of the three main body flavors and the world mostly reacts to your genitals instead of treating it like a big identity lecture. You’re a futa or trans type? Cool, here’s how your underwear feels when you walk, here’s how monsters grab you by the hips and test your “endurance” in a way that has nothing to do with hitpoints. I wish the combat and leveling were less prototype and more “I’m scared to fight that demon because she might absolutely break my back in the fun way”, but also, if they ever polish it too much, it might lose that sleepy, horny energy it has right now. It’s like catching a kink game at that stage where it’s still shy and a bit clumsy, but you can already see it wants to drag you into a dark alley and see how much your character can take before their legs stop working.

This thing looks at you like some horny multiverse Tinder that went off the rails. You start as this pretty average dude, nothing heroic, nothing super broken, just that familiar "why are all these famous cartoon girls in my life now" energy. And then suddenly you’re stuck clicking around rooms, messing with a weird cube, and Rias is standing there with her boobs basically breaking gravity and you’re still pretending you’re interested in the plot. We tried to, for like five minutes. Then she bent over and the conversation system honestly became background noise.

The whole vibe is like some fanfiction thread escaped from Reddit and someone turned it into a point and click. There’s no huge tutorial slapping your face, you just poke at stuff. One moment you are trying to figure out what this ancient being in the cube wants from you, next moment you’re in what looks like a cheap school corridor and Rias is "thanking" you with a sloppy blowjob that gets more detailed than it has any right to. Her tits are huge, obviously, but they actually use that in scenes, not just as decoration. She presses them against you when you choose some dumb dialogue option and somehow it feels like the game is laughing at you while still making you hard. Then suddenly you’re with Raven, and she has that deadpan "I hate everything" look while you’re corrupting her bit by bit, talking her into small things first, like a kiss, a little groping, until she’s kneeling and the game quietly slides into full-on throat fucking with her mascara almost ruined. It looks wrong in a hot way, like you caught a wholesome Cartoon Network show sneaking off behind the gym to suck dick.

The AI art is kinda obvious sometimes. You can see fingers going weird in one CG, and Gwen’s nose changes shape between scenes like she’s got three different plastic surgeons on payroll. But then there’s this one moment with Starfire riding you, all orange skin and messy hair, and her face is half pure love and half cock-drunk, and suddenly the AI thing stops mattering. Animations are not crazy smooth, but that almost works, it reminds us of those old flash hentai games on Newgrounds you’d play in a hidden browser window at school. You click the wrong thing sometimes and trigger a repeat line or a half-broken transition, and it’s a bit annoying, but then Gwen is pushing your head between her thighs in some Total Drama crossover nonsense and complaining about how "this better improve my rating", and the scene just lands. Dialog is weird: sometimes actually funny, sometimes cringe as hell, especially when it tries to be deep about romance, like, nobody is here to think about emotions while Rias is spitting cum back on your shaft. But that contrast, this half-serious "save the ancient being" quest wrapped around corrupted waifus from your teen years, kind of sticks in your brain. We kept clicking, not really sure if we care about the cube, just wanting to see how far the game will drag each girl from cute to ruined, and honestly it goes pretty far.

Nyvalis looks harmless at first, like one of those cozy fantasy islands from a chill JRPG. Then you realize it is basically a giant thirst trap built by a dying fertility goddess who is way too desperate to see some dick. You drop in as this guy who literally just died, no memories worth a damn, suddenly surrounded by women who haven’t seen a real man in generations and treat you like a mix of sacred relic, breeding tool, and slightly confused porn star. It feels a bit like if a hentai doujin and a low-budget fantasy VN had a messy baby on Patreon, with enough humor to stop it from feeling too serious while still going pretty hard on the whole “your cum might save our people” thing. The game knows exactly what it is: harem fantasy with a fantasy gloss, a lot of boob physics, and a main character who keeps pretending he’s overwhelmed while drilling anything the goddess points at.

The whole corruption angle is more playful than edgy. You start with these kind, almost holy priestess types and then slowly you push them into slutty territory, and they pretend to resist but their clothes keep getting shorter, their tits keep getting more on display, and pretty soon the “ritual blessing” is just you ramming them from behind in some temple while stained glass reflects on her huge ass. There is male domination here, but it’s the porn version: they beg, they tease, they act innocent, then you grab their hair, push them to their knees, feel that wet tongue around your cock and the game doesn’t shy away from showing the spit and the twitching. First time you cum in one of them the camera goes in close, you get that POV rush, her legs shaking, your cum leaking out while she clutches her belly because fertility goddess magic is doing its thing. Later, when pregnancy actually kicks in, it’s kind of wild how casual they treat it. “Oh, I’m knocked up now, we should celebrate” and your celebration is literally a titfuck on the balcony while she talks about “expanding the tribe” with your next load. I liked that. It feels like fan-service written by someone who actually watches hentai instead of just reading tags on F95.

I’m not gonna lie, the game is rough in spots. Some animations look great when you’re fucking a MILF priestess from a low POV, watching her tits bounce while she rides, but then another scene has three girls in a group sex ritual and suddenly one head is clipping through an arm and you’re like, “Ok, sure, we’re doing PS2 energy now.” I still replayed that scene, though. The group stuff is fun because they lean into the whole “village of desperate women” vibe: one girl is sucking you off while another strokes your balls, and a third is pressed against your back, whispering that the goddess is watching, and you kind of feel like a hentai protagonist who accidentally downloaded the harem DLC. One minor thing that annoyed me for zero logical reason: the way one of the girls keeps doing this half-laughing “teehee” sound right before you shove your cock between her tits. I don’t know why, it just pulled me out of it every single time and I kept waiting for an option to tell her to shut up and just squeeze, but nope, it never shows up. The transformation bits are a fun surprise too, like when Seraphyne tweaks a girl’s body mid-routine, giving her even bigger tits or changing her ears, and the scene keeps going as if “sorry, goddess just upgraded your ass” is an everyday thing. It feels dirty in that cosplay way, like trying on different versions of the same waifu. The humor keeps popping in at weird times, like you’re balls deep in a “holy ceremony” handjob, and the girl starts cracking a joke about you being the only guy alive who has to rest between rounds while the entire island is waiting for creampies. But that chaos is kinda why I kept playing; it never feels clean or perfectly planned, more like horny fantasy scribbles that somehow became a game, which honestly fits the whole fertility goddess losing her mind and dragging a dead dude across dimensions just so she can watch a village of big tit, big ass girls fight over his dick.

New town, new house, new neighbors, same wife… or you think so at start. This game throws you in as the husband, kind of average guy, not some muscle hero, just trying to unpack boxes and make sure the kids don’t kill each other, and then slowly you realize your hot wife is not just “confident” but actually getting off on being watched. First it’s small stuff. She goes to hang laundry outside in a thin white top, no bra, and you see the neighbor across the street literally stop mowing to stare. You can decide if you say something or just pretend you didn’t notice while secretly staring too. That little choice, simple, changes how bold she gets later. Feels dirty because you’re not just watching her, you’re kind of pushing her too, without saying it directly. And yeah, she has those huge tits and big ass that the camera is basically in love with, no need to explain that, you’ll see. It’s not subtle at all when she’s bent over the couch and “accidentally” forgets to close the curtains.

There’s this one scene that stuck in my head more than the big orgy stuff. Evening, living room, you on the couch, she walks in with just a loose robe, kids already in bed, Netflix dumb menu sound in background, and she sits half on your lap, half on the armrest, legs open just enough so that if anyone walked by the street window they’d get a full shot of her pussy when the robe slips. You get prompts to either pull the robe shut like a good husband, or push it a bit wider with your hand while pretending you’re just groping her thigh. That mix of being protective and also lowkey pimping your own wife out is really twisted. Later it goes way beyond that, obviously, with her “forgetting” panties at the supermarket, bending down at the park with kids around, giving a teasing blowjob in a public restroom while people walk past outside, and you’re there coaching her, or trying to pull her back, depending how you play. It turns into this sandbox thing where you can wander around the town, poke into different locations, check your phone, see who’s texting your wife, and slowly the line between “faithful marriage” and “swinging couple” just melts away. The game doesn’t even pretend to be moral. One moment she’s a sweet mom making dinner, next moment she’s masturbating with the shower door half open while the teenage son walks by in the hallway. Nobody acts normal, but that’s kind of the point. It’s wrong in like five different ways at once, and you still keep clicking, telling yourself you’re just curious how the story ends. Spoiler: you’re not.

Game feels like somebody mashed a porn comic, a goofy superhero show and one of those messy family dramas from Netflix, then said “yeah ok, what if everyone was hot and kind of a pervert.” You start as this dude who’s basically the walking center of gravity in a house full of ridiculous curves and way too little shame. There’s school stuff on the side, but it’s mostly there so the girls can wear tight uniforms, bend over desks and pretend they’re focusing on homework while you’re staring at their asses. The whole thing has that 3D render vibe where boobs are just slightly too perfect and every milf’s butt looks like it was optimized in Excel for maximum surface area. I kind of respect that, professionally.

The story is split in a weird data way in my head: “story mode” is your main plotline with the incest harem, twins, powers, family secrets, etc., and “free roam” is like the sandbox dashboard where your KPI is “how many holes filled concurrently.” You pick which girl’s storyline to go deep into first, and that actually changes the emotional tempo. Go with the milf aunt early and the game instantly feels like a corruption chart trending up: slow teasing, long eye contact at breakfast, her walking around with a towel that keeps almost slipping, then suddenly she’s riding you on the couch while some dumb sitcom plays in the background. Pick the twin route first and it’s more like a broken A/B test where both variants are just “sisters competing to see who can drain you faster.” One scene has you “helping them study” and you end up with one sister under the table sucking you off while the other pretends to quiz you, cheeks red, nipples poking through her top. The tension is less subtle there, more “everyone in this house is two seconds from a gangbang.”

Superpowers pop up in a way that’s actually kind of funny. Not deep Marvel-level, more like “hey, I can freeze time long enough to pull down the teacher’s shirt and stare at her tits while she’s stuck mid-sentence” or using some mind trick to nudge a shy girl into showing you what her panties look like. That voyeur angle is everywhere. You catch the milf masturbating in the shower, spying from a crack in the door. Or you watch the two girls making out on the bed, hands all over each other, one grinding her thigh between the other’s legs, and you just sit there like some creepy analyst, tracking their moans, waiting for the right second to walk in and “help.” Then the game lets you replay that same scene later in free roam and push it harder: add anal, swap positions, bring a third girl, turn a soft lesbian moment into full-blown group sex where faces are messy and nobody’s even pretending to be innocent anymore. I wish the UI for the free roam scenes was less clicky and more like a flow, but it’s not going to change and whatever, I got used to it.

Sex variety is nuts, by the way. One minute you’re doing slow, almost romantic vaginal with your “relative” on her bed, her legs wrapped around you, whispering shit she should absolutely not be saying to a family member. Next moment you’re in a kind of half-joking threesome with her and another girl, choking on laughs and dick at the same time, cum dripping down her chin while the other girl holds her hair like it’s some friendly team activity. Anal shows up often enough that it feels like anyone over 30 in this universe just defaults to offering up their ass once they trust you. There’s this late scene where you pin the milf against the wall, her huge tits bouncing while you push into her ass, her moans loud enough you’re sure the “kids” can hear, and she just doesn’t care anymore. Lesbian content is not optional; girls lick each other like they’ve been waiting their whole lives for you to leave the room so they can finally taste some pussy. One of my favorite moments is in the school setting, on a rooftop, where two girls are pressed together, kissing slow, one sliding her hand down the other’s skirt, wet sounds way too loud for outside. You show up, they pretend to be shy for two lines, then you’re balls-deep in one while the other rides your face, both of them held up by your “mysterious power” like some messed up vertical bar chart of naked bodies.

The humor is stupid in a good way. Characters throw horny jokes around all the time, like the milf calling your cock her “favorite workout equipment,” or one twin telling the other to “share the resource, I saw him first but I don’t mind concurrency.” It makes the hardcore scenes feel like you’re in on some private joke, not just clicking porn stills. At the same time, some transitions between serious story and horny comedy feel like someone forgot to switch tabs in their brain. You go from tragic family secret to a titjob gag in two lines. Speaking of titjobs, they look great even though sometimes the camera angles are a little weird, like the dev really loves close-ups of nipples more than faces. Not a crime, just funny. And the violence tag? It spikes here and there when the fantasy plot kicks in: a fight where powers clash, blood on the ground, then directly after that you’re comforting a bruised girl with your tongue between her thighs because that’s how this universe handles trauma apparently. There’s no NTR, which I kind of appreciate as someone who likes clean ownership in his mental dashboard. Everything belongs to the main dude, period, including the twins, the milf, the schoolgirls, the side chicks. It’s pure harem math, and the game leans hard into that, like a line going straight up on a chart that probably should worry somebody in a real-life ethics meeting. But here, it just makes sense.

It’s weird how this game keeps slipping between being horny and being kinda sad. Like one moment you’re scavenging a half-broken supermarket for canned beans, and the next you’re watching Tiffany bend over in that torn tank top, and you *know* the camera’s doing it on purpose. I thought it’d be just another zombie clicker thing, but then it starts poking at your nerves. You play as Mark, but you’re not really him, because half the time you’re watching what happens when he’s gone. It’s uncomfortable but also… hot? I don’t know. The animations are surprisingly smooth, not glossy, more like something someone obsessed over too long in a dark room. Her skin looks sticky in the flashlight. The moans sound too close, like she’s right next to your ear, whispering something you shouldn’t hear.

I wasn’t expecting the teasing parts to be so drawn out. There’s this bit where Alex “accidentally” touches her thigh, and you can tell she notices but pretends not to. Then later, the game just lets you wander around while that tension sits there, heavy. I thought I’d hate the sandbox thing, but it actually makes it worse - like you’re the one choosing to look away or not. The monsters outside barely matter after a while; they just groan in the background, a reminder that everything’s falling apart while something even messier happens inside. There’s a scene with oral that I didn’t think would hit me, but it’s messy and awkward and somehow more real than most. I wish the sound balance wasn’t so off though, the wet noises drown out the dialogue sometimes. Maybe that’s on purpose.

It’s not pretty, but that’s what makes it stick. The game doesn’t care if you feel guilty. It kind of wants you to. I kept thinking I’d stop after one more scene, but then I’d catch a glimpse of Tiffany walking past a broken window, the light hitting her skin just right, and I’d forget whatever I was supposed to be doing.

The whole thing feels like someone took my Pinterest boards of “soft fantasy aesthetics” and then just went, “yeah but what if everyone had a cock and zero self-control.” You start as this kinda naïve girl in a world that absolutely knows more about your body than you do, and I liked that it didn’t waste time pretending you’re some badass warrior. You’re basically fresh meat with nice tits and way too much curiosity. First I was just clicking around like, oh cute forest, nice colors, love the little elf village vibe. Then suddenly I’m in an alley with an orc woman twice my size pushing me against a wall, hand between my legs, and the game is like, “you can refuse, you can submit, or you can pretend to resist and still end up dripping.” That pretend to resist one is filthy, by the way.

What hooked me was how every area feels like a different moodboard. The catgirl inn feels warm and sticky and a bit suspicious. There’s this one scene where you go in just wanting a room and the neko receptionist is doing that fake innocent thing, tail flicking, tits resting on the counter. If you pick the “tired, need rest” answer she actually offers a “special nap,” and I thought it was going to be a normal massage, nope. You end up face down, ears being licked, her cock sliding between your thighs, and she keeps calling you her “soft little pillow.” I screenshotted that dialogue, closed the tab, and opened it again later because my brain needed a minute. And then later she acts like she barely remembers you, which kind of pissed me off, but also fits her whole chaotic-cat energy.

The futa stuff is all over the place in a good way and also kind of annoying. I love how different bodies are treated: thick orc with abs and a huge cock that actually looks heavy, smug elf with this long elegant shaft that feels like it’s judging you, shy virgin girl who turns out to be packing and you can decide if you let her ruin you or keep her untouched. There’s a pregnancy angle that sneaks up on you. One moment you’re just letting an orc breed you in some ruined temple because the text made it sound too hot to skip, a few scenes later your belly is starting to show and suddenly characters react differently. Some get more protective, some get more possessive, and one elf basically calls you “community property” which made me laugh way too hard. I wish there was more control over who can knock you up, but I also weirdly like that the world doesn’t revolve around your plans. You can play nice, you can try to stay pure, the game still keeps putting you in situations where your choices are like: “say yes,” “say yes harder,” or “say no and still get edged until you’re begging.” It’s messy, horny, sometimes a bit mean in that femdom way, and honestly it feels less like a heroic quest and more like getting lost in a horny scrapbook that keeps adding new pages while your legs are shaking.

Emily is that kind of heroine who looks like she should be in some cute, holy church story, but the game clearly hates that idea and keeps throwing her into every dirty corner of this medieval shithole of a town. It starts pretty mild, you know, the usual “lost girl from small village” stuff, she’s nervous, shy, touching herself under the blankets like she’s scared the gods are watching. But the way the game plays with her curiosity is what got me. First time she sneaks a look at a guy getting jerked off behind the inn, the camera sits too long on her face, on her breathing, on her biting her lip. She pretends to look away, you can click somewhere else, but you don’t. You keep her watching. You make her watch. That’s the vibe. The corruption is not fast, it’s like someone slowly opening her shirt button by button in public and telling her it’s her idea.

What I really liked is how the sandbox thing works with her shame. You’re not forced into a straight line. You roam around this town that looks kind of cozy and rotten at same time, and every corner is some new way to push her. Maybe she just wanted to buy fruit and instead you end up with some drunk mercenary “accidentally” groping her ass near the stall, his hand staying way too long. You can back out, or you can have her freeze, not fight, feel that first hot spark between her legs. Then later she’s in her little rented room, pretending she’s just going to sleep, and you have that scene where she sits on the edge of the bed, lifts her dress, fingers shaking, and starts masturbating while replaying that touch in her head. It’s not glamorous porn, it’s messy, guilty, with her whispering “just a bit” and then going way past “just a bit” until she’s grinding on her own fingers like a needy slut. And then the game hits you with a choice the next day, like “do you avoid that guy” or “go the same route again, oops”, and you know exactly what you’re clicking and why.

The oral and lesbian stuff also doesn’t appear as “hey, here is the lesbian route now”, it feels more like her accidentally sliding into it. One time she’s just helping a “friend” wash in the bathhouse and suddenly there is this long, slow scene of soap, hands on tits that are obviously too big for that tiny shirt, two girls pressed against each other, one clearly more experienced, guiding Emily’s hand between her own legs. Emily’s first time going down on another girl is clumsy as hell, she’s trying to copy what she saw guys do through keyholes earlier. You can almost feel her confusion turning to hunger when the other girl moans and grabs her hair to push her deeper. Then like three scenes later she’s on her knees for some smug asshole with armor and bad haircut, licking his cock while trying to keep eye contact because he told her “good girls look up”, and you can decide if she does it like shy, hesitant little thing or like she already knows she likes the taste. Honestly I hated the fetchy “go here, click this icon again” loop sometimes, it gets grindy, but then you suddenly unlock a new animation with her big ass bouncing up and down on some guy in a dark alley and you forget you were annoyed five minutes before. It’s that kind of game where you tell yourself “ok, last event” and then you’re still there, making her sneak out at night just to find someone else to use her. Shame turns into habit, habit into hunger, and the town becomes one big stage where she keeps learning she was never as innocent as she thought.

This one starts like some quiet, nerdy space office drama and then suddenly you’re deep in this fucked up future where feelings are illegal, everyone talks like a robot on meds, and you’re the only guy in the room who actually wants to touch someone instead of just optimizing them. You’re this engineer who’s obsessed with clean numbers and perfect systems, and the game really sells that at first. Everything is cold metal, white light, perfect symmetry, your point of view just gliding from panel to panel like you’re inspecting a machine instead of a city. Then you meet her. And yeah, the way they do that first encounter surprised me a bit. It’s not “oh no I tripped and fell on your tits” bullshit. It’s small stuff: a quiet look that lingers half a second too long, a soft laugh that sounds almost illegal in that place. You feel the main guy glitch inside his own head. The text actually slows down there. Suddenly his perfect routine is fucked because now he knows someone else is faking it too.

Sex takes a while to show up and honestly I liked that. When it finally hits, it hits pretty hard. There’s this scene where you’re alone with her in this maintenance corridor, all humming cables and soft blue light, and she leans in way too close to “check a sensor” on your suit. Camera tightens, your POV right at her lips. Her mouth barely moves but you can tell she’s terrified and turned on at same time. When she finally goes down on you, it’s not some porn stunt. It starts slow, almost clumsy, like she’s never been allowed to just take her time sucking a cock. The animation works well there, especially the little throat movements and the way her eyes keep darting to the side like she expects security to burst in. It’s hot because it’s risky, not just because she’s got huge tits and a fat ass pressed against the wall. Later there’s a sex scene in her apartment that really sold me on the whole “forbidden feelings” thing. You’re inside her, riding this slow rhythm, and outside the window you can see that clinically perfect city, all straight lines and dead light, and she’s clinging to you like you’re the only real thing on that whole fucking planet. She wraps her legs around you, big breasts pressed against your chest, and she keeps whispering “don’t stop thinking, don’t stop feeling” like it’s some kind of anti-government spell. Corny as hell, but it works in context. You’ll know what I mean when you see how she looks at you right after you cum in her. There’s so much going on in that one look you kinda forget you’re still buried in her pussy.

It’s technically a kinetic story, so yeah, no choices, no grinding stats, none of that “if you picked the blue dialog box you get anal” nonsense. Weirdly, I didn’t miss it here. You just click through and let it happen, which fits this world where everyone’s path is “assigned” from birth. Sometimes that annoyed me, like in this one scene where you’re clearly screaming inside your head “kiss her, you idiot” and the script just makes him walk away, but at the same time that frustration actually matches who he is. Cold, controlled, scared of his own dick and his own heart. The romance parts are softer than I expected for a porn game. There’s a quiet moment where she’s lying on your chest after sex, naked except for this stupid regulation collar that tracks her vitals, and instead of going for round two you just… talk. About stupid things like favorite sounds, or what it feels like to dream, stuff nobody in that world is supposed to care about. I was low-key more turned on by that than some of the pure porn bits. Not saying everything works. Some lines sound like they were written by a very horny philosopher, and there’s one transition where it cuts from intense blowjob to sterile office briefing so fast it feels like your dick just alt-tabbed. Also the UI has this tiny little notification icon in the corner that pops in the middle of a deep kiss, and now I hate that icon more than the “are you still watching” message on Netflix. But anyway, if you like the mix of clinical sci-fi setting, big soft bodies, and sex that actually feels like rebellion instead of a minigame, this one does that vibe pretty well, even when it stumbles all over its own seriousness. The game kind of wants to be both porn and poetry, and sometimes it fails at both, but when it clicks, it’s that nice dirty-sweet zone where you’re jerking off and suddenly also wondering what it would be like if your feelings were literally illegal. Odd combination, but it stuck in my head.