Garth is that kind of idiot hero I secretly like. He swings a sword like it’s his first day holding anything sharp, gets distracted by every pair of tits bigger than his helmet, and somehow still ends up being the “chosen one” who has to punch a Lich King in the face. The game throws you into Gronia and just kinda shrugs like: “Yeah, figure it out.” No hand holding, no “go here, do that” on a perfect path. You wander, get lost, hit a random cave thinking it’s a shortcut, and suddenly you’re watching a milf mage push her boobs together around the MC’s cock while making those stupid ahegao faces that somehow work here. One moment you’re picking a turn in combat like a normal RPG, next moment you’re choosing whether to dump a load in her pussy or paint her stomach because your weak willpower stat got bullied by cleavage.

The funny thing is, the whole thing feels a bit janky and that actually helps. Combat is turn based, sure, but the real fight is you trying not to click “romance” every single time instead of “attack.” I spent way too long grinding goblins just to afford some dumb enchanted necklace to impress a barmaid with huge tits, just so I could unlock a scene where she rides Garth so hard the bed squeaks in the text. And yeah, that creampie is described in detail, like “warmth spilling out” and all that, the whole erotic novel treatment. Then right after that, the game just throws a stupid joke about sticky sheets at you like it’s nothing. The humor is actually good, not that forced Reddit stuff. Sometimes the timing is off and a serious moment gets undercut by a horny gag, but honestly, in a world where your main plot is “kill the Lich King while fucking half the population,” it fits. Also, tiny rant: the map icon in the top corner is ugly as hell, and I kept clicking it by accident when I just wanted to skip text, and now I hate that thing with passion and I’m not over it.

The slow-burn romance bits surprised me the most. There’s this older healer woman in one village, proper milf energy, and you don’t just get her naked in two lines. You help with some boring chores, small quests, listen to her talk about the past. At first I was annoyed, like “okay lady, shut up and bend over the table,” but then when the scene finally hits, it hits. She pulls Garth into her room, drops the robe, huge soft breasts bouncing, gets on her knees and gives him a titfuck while whispering how she hasn’t felt a young cock in years. That build-up made the creampie inside her feel earned, not just a random porn gif. And because of the sandbox style, you can totally miss stuff or screw a dialogue choice and lock yourself out of an ending. I stumbled into one “bad” route where the girl I was chasing ended up with somebody else, and the game just went “yeah, tough luck, try another path” instead of rewinding. Pissed me off, but in a good way, like a VN that respects you enough not to babysit. My advice if you jump in: don’t rush from sex scene to sex scene like it’s Pornhub. Wander around, talk to NPCs you’d normally ignore, lose a couple fights in combat just to see what happens, and actually read those flirty lines before you click the option that leads to your dick. That’s when Gronia starts feeling less like a quick wank and more like a horny fantasy world you kinda want to stay in.

Tali is absolutely not the shy little quarian tech nerd people remember from the original games. Here she’s more like the center of a very rude quiz show where every question is “How far are you willing to go this time?” and the answer keeps getting filthier. The story picks up after she escapes this messed up ghost ship, and instead of going back to anything safe, she ends up bouncing around space with a bunch of “friends” who have very specific ideas about what to do with her suit, her body, and her obedience. One moment you’re in a legit combat scene, trying to manage shields and positioning, and the next moment losing a fight means Tali is on her knees, visor fogged, being used like a trophy by whatever monster just wrecked you. And yeah, the camera really loves her ass. Whoever built those shots deserves an award. Maybe “Excessive Focus On Tali’s Butt” gold medal.

The game kind of feels like a horny Mass Effect quiz where every choice is secretly: a) blowjob, b) anal, c) corruption, d) all of the above. You run around in this sandbox structure, poke different parts of the ship or station, and suddenly you’re in some awkward scene with Liara teasing her while EDI throws dry comments in the background like she’s hosting a porn podcast. One of my favorite dumb moments: I was half-tabbing out to check Discord, left a teasing scene running with Tali “practicing” oral on some alien cock, came back and she had switched positions and was riding instead because I let the idle animation chain continue. No tooltip, no pop up, just “you ignored the scene, now she’s even more corrupted, congrats.” It’s janky in spots, the animations sometimes loop too obviously, and Kasumi just kind of appears, steals the spotlight with a handjob scene, then vanishes again like a horny ninja. Never explained properly, and the game just shrugs and moves on.

What’s nice is how it leans fully into parody without being shy about anything. Miranda’s big tits are used exactly how you think, Ashley is still an uptight soldier but now her idea of discipline is getting Tali to “follow orders” with vaginal and anal rewards, and somewhere in the middle Shepard is there, but half of the time feels like a side character in his own porn. The corruption aspect creeps up on you in a stupidly fun way: early Tali is awkward, blushing, touching herself alone in a quiet room, just masturbation and a bit of teasing. A few bad fights lost, some “training” with Shiala and Samara, one very wrong encounter with a slime-like monster, and suddenly she’s the one grabbing cocks first, begging for more, suit open in places you’re pretty sure are not Alliance regulation. It’s dirty, it’s uneven, it repeats a couple of angles too much, and the UI sometimes hides a choice you swear should be there. But when she bends over in zero-g and the whole scene turns into this slow, weightless anal fuck with her gasping inside the helmet, you kind of forget what you were annoyed about. Or what you were doing before the scene started. Or why Jira is still open in another tab.

Game feels like someone smashed a horny superhero comic into a messy school life sim and then just said “yeah, that’s fine, ship it.” You play this dude who’s supposed to be some kind of secret hero, but in practice you’re running around campus juggling classes, stats, and MILFs with asses so big they basically need their own dialogue box. There’s this one teacher with a tight skirt and absolutely ridiculous tits, and the first time she bends over at the blackboard, the camera does this slow pan that made me instantly hit F12 like a trained animal. I’ve got a whole folder in my gallery app just for her, not even kidding. The game doesn’t care about being subtle. You peek through doors, spy on showers, “accidentally” walk into rooms at night, all that voyeur stuff, and a lot of it is animated in a way that feels dirty in the good way, like old looping gifs you find on shady forums at 2 bars of wifi.

What caught me off guard is how it swings between dumb sex jokes and actual RPG style stuff. You’ve got stats to grind, choices to make, a clock always mocking you. Some scenes need certain power level or charm, some need you to train your combat a bit, because yeah, there are monsters and hero duties shoved between blowjobs and handjobs. One moment you’re tapping through a romance scene, trying to say the right sweet thing so the girl trusts you, next moment you’re in a dungeon smacking some fantasy creature around so you can go back to campus and fuck someone’s brains out. And the sleep stuff is in there too, the game doesn’t pretend to be wholesome. You sneak into a room at night, the girl breathing slowly, panties half visible, and the animation kicks in with slow strokes, soft moans, that kind of “I shouldn’t be watching this but I’m still watching and screen recording” vibe. It’s actually weird how much care they put into mouth movement during oral, tongue flicks, spit strings, then other parts look like they forgot to finish them and said “eh, whatever.”

I played mostly on mobile, swiping through the sandbox map between classes, hero jobs, and all the lewd events, and it runs fine in Chrome but stuttered like hell for me on Firefox, which pissed me off more than it should. Sometimes the combat pops up when I really just want to chase the milf in the cosplay outfit, which kind of kills the mood. Although, that cosplay scene where she shows up in this totally not-legal magical girl outfit and you end up with her riding you, tits bouncing in that slow loop, and then you can choose to pull out or just creampie her and watch it leak… yeah, that one’s sitting as a 4-second gif on my phone next to my calculator app like some cursed secret. Dialogue jumps from sweet romance to rough BDSM talk in like two clicks, and half the time I’m not sure if the protagonist is supposed to be a nice guy, a hero, or a total perv who lucked into powers. Doesn’t matter. There was this bathroom scene, just you watching through a cracked door, handjob with her whispering that someone might walk in, then she drops to her knees and goes full sloppy oral, spit dripping down your shaft, and I actually paused just to clip the best angle. And I forgot what I wanted to say after that, but yeah, it’s that kind of game.

You start as this broke college guy walking into Burgmeister & Royce like you’re gonna fix your life, then the game just grabs you by the dick and drags you into absolute chaos. Classes? Technically there. But the real “curriculum” is trying not to cum in your pants every five minutes while sorority girls flash you during a stupid drinking game, your landlady “forgets” to close her bathroom door, and your so-called bros push you into shit you know your dad would beat your ass for if he saw it. It’s that filthy campus fantasy where everyone’s way too hot, way too horny, and somehow nobody ever remembers underwear exists.

The sex stuff doesn’t even wait politely. One minute you’re doing some harmless point and click around your crappy dorm room and the next you’re peeping through a slightly open door, catching twins in a lesbian makeout session that is very much not “innocent experimenting.” They drag you in if you pick the right lines and suddenly you’re in this messy tangle of tongues, fingers, one of them riding your face while the other forces your cock between her tits and laughs in your ear about how fast you’re shaking. Later you can pretend you’re a romantic guy, taking a shy virgin girl on a normal date, hand in hand, giggling, then end the night with her masturbating in your lap inside a parked car because she “isn’t ready for penetration yet” but still wants your cum all over her stomach. The game swings from sweet to downright filthy in like two clicks and never apologizes.

What surprised me is how much it leans into power stuff without making it feel like a cheap porn menu. Sometimes you’re the one groping, pulling panties down behind a bar counter while your milf boss pretends she doesn’t notice, and sometimes you end up on your knees with a dominant school queen slapping you with a strap-on, telling you to open wider while her roommate records it on her phone through the keyhole. There’s this whole turn based combat thing tied to frat wars and campus gangs that looks silly at first, then suddenly you’re planning who to bring to a fight because winning opens new prostitution side gigs and losing might end with a humiliating scene where the rival guys use your girl for group sex while you’re forced to watch, dick hard and useless. I wish the game let you punch one particular smug asshole in the balls during a combat segment, it just sits there in my head every time that scene plays. Anyway, between interracial threesomes in trashy motel rooms, anal quickies in the library stacks, puzzle bits to unlock voyeur routes, and that one lesbian romance that somehow feels more emotional than all your straight routes combined, it’s less like a clean dating sim and more like getting lost in the filthiest campus rumor mill ever, where every rumor turns into a clickable scene and half of them end with a creampie dripping down someone’s thigh.