You’re broke, pissed off at everything, and kind of numb already when the game just tosses Rei at you like some bugged NPC that wandered off the tutorial area. She’s sleeping on the sidewalk, dirty, hungry, weirdly cute, and clearly fucked by life even harder than you are. You poke her awake, expecting some quick “thanks” then she runs off. Nope. She sticks. That’s where this thing actually starts to feel fun: two losers trying to pretend they’re adults while everything around them screams “game over” in slow motion.

It’s half “try not to starve” and half “try not to jerk yourself raw”, and the balance is way more fragile than I want to admit. One moment you’re counting every coin, juggling shitty jobs on your phone like it’s some cursed version of a finance app, checking if you can afford basic food for both of you. Next moment, Rei’s in that tiny room, wearing clothes that might as well not count as clothes, asking if you “want a break”. You’re like, yeah, obviously, but also rent exists. And it kind of becomes the loop: work, feed her, talk to her, spy a bit when she thinks you’re not watching, unlock new scenes, repeat. There’s this stupid thrill when she leans over you with those huge tits and gives this shy-but-not-that-shy handjob, and the game treats it like you just hit some romance flag you didn’t deserve. Then she does something ridiculous, like trying to “thank you properly” with a messy titfuck after a shitty day, and you forget you were supposed to be planning your budget at all. I actually laughed once when she tried to make giving you a blowjob sound like some noble reward and then gagged halfway, eyes watering, and still pushed through because she didn’t want to “fail”. That hit my corruption braincell and my “this is terrible but hot” braincell at the same time.

It’s also kind of fun how the story wanders around like it’s drunk. Sometimes it plays like a parody of every poverty romance you ever saw, making fun of your pathetic room and your tragic wallet. Sometimes it suddenly drops a bit of sweetness that feels like you walked into the wrong genre, like when she curls up on your bed just to sleep and you can choose not to touch her at all, just watch, like a creep with feelings. Then later she’s straddling you, pussy grinding over you, moaning way louder than that cheap room’s walls can hide, and you get hit with that “I really shouldn’t be doing this but I’m already in balls-deep” vibe. There’s a bit of that harem teasing too, like the world is full of other girls that might fall into your orbit if you push the sandbox parts hard enough, but Rei feels like the main disaster you’re signing up for. It’s messy, a little trashy, sometimes oddly tender, like a dating sim that got lost on a porn site and decided to stay. You’re poor, horny, watching this girl slowly change under your influence while you sc*** by, and somewhere between the voyeur peeks, the cheap dates, and the rough sex on a bed that looks like it smells, it kind of starts to feel like a fucked-up fantasy that never pretends to be anything else.

You know that feeling when your calendar hits “International Talk Like A Pirate Day” and you kinda want a game that actually leans into it, but also rails you into next week? Lusty Buccaneers is exactly in that stupidly specific overlap. It pretends to be about treasure and adventure, but after the first ten minutes it’s very clear the real loot is ass and humiliation. You’re this rookie pirate, supposedly “future legend of the seas”, and the first thing you actually do is get bullied by a captain with tits that should honestly have their own wanted poster. She talks like a mix of dominatrix and HR manager from hell, tells you to kneel, calls you useless, then gives you a “private examination” in her cabin that somehow involves a strap-on, your ass, and the word “crew discipline” said way too sweet. Loved it. Hated it. Still clicked every option that made her more cruel.

What I enjoyed most is how the game keeps pretending it’s wholesome shounen pirate adventure. You get this big world map, little sandbox vibe, random ports, “mystery islands”, new crewmates, some goofy parody of famous anime pirates with names just close enough to make you snort. Then the scenes hit. One moment you negotiate with a monster girl who looks like someone mashed a mermaid, a cowgirl milf and your search history from xVideos. Next moment you’re handcuffed to the mast, covered in milk and cum, while your captain makes you watch her get double stuffed by a pair of huge black pirates you “accidentally” recruited. It calls itself romance in the menu, but yeah, good luck staying pure. The corruption route is way too fun. I tried to be loyal, I really did, then the game throws a futa swordswoman at you with abs, a massive dick and footplay options and suddenly your “honor” is at the bottom of the ocean.

The multiple endings thing actually works here, even if half of them just feel like different flavors of “you turned into a perverted slave mascot for an all-girl crew.” Got a soft spot for the one where your pirate harem looks normal on the surface, but in reality every girl is sleeping with everyone behind your back and the game keeps dropping little voyeur scenes if you click the wrong cabin at night. There is this one early moment I keep thinking about, when you catch two crew girls in the storage room, one in full crossdressing outfit, giving a sloppy blowjob while the other milks her and laughs about how they’re going to “share you next.” You can walk away like a virgin idiot or stay and watch from a barrel. I left the first time, because I am dumb. Regretted it the entire session. Also the mobile version works suspiciously well, which is a blessing and a curse, because playing a POV anal scene with a corrupted student-turned-pirate on the train while pretending you are checking Spotify is absolutely a new low. In a good way. Sort of. I still think the crew management is shallow and the cuckold bits sometimes go a bit too hard, then again I click every NTR flag I find, so maybe that’s on me. Anyway, it’s the kind of filthy vacation island porn game where you promise to just “check it quickly” for stream planning and then suddenly you’re debating which futa captain you want to knock you up.

Special Harem Class feels like someone mashed a horny dating sim with a lazy summer in a city you only visit in dreams, then sprinkled in a bunch of “yeah this is totally an educational program” lies on top. You’re the guy who didn’t get into any normal college and somehow lands in this weird pre-college thing where every girl looks like she escaped from an anime convention and a porn studio at the same time. The teacher, Claire, is supposed to help you “prepare for higher education”, but she’s way more invested in helping you get inside every girl in the class. And herself. A lot. She’s kind of your pervert handler and it’s hilarious. One moment she’s telling you to study, next moment she’s jerking you off in the office while explaining how to “evaluate interpersonal relationships”. It’s stupid and hot and you just roll with it.

The city map is where the roguelike part of my brain woke up a little. You just wander. Click around. Go to the café at the wrong time of day and suddenly you walk in on one of the girls doing lewd cosplay in the backroom for some extra cash. Go to the park “just to farm affection” and you end up getting a blowjob behind a tree after picking the dialogue option that sounded like a joke. The game loves those small chains. Like you talk to a side girl once at the bus stop, forget about her, then twenty in-game days later she shows up at the mall with a completely different outfit and drags you to the bathroom for a quick, sloppy fuck because “you looked lonely”. The scenes are not just copy-paste either. There are these moments where the camera stays way too long on a girl’s face while she’s moaning and drooling on your cock, and it feels uncomfortably intimate, in the good porn way. Animation loops are everywhere, so every thrust is shown, every little twitch, tits bouncing in this hypnotic, slightly janky rhythm.

What I really liked is how the affection grind tricks you. At first you’re just chasing numbers like a min-max goblin, then suddenly you hit a sex scene that feels way more personal than expected. One of the main girls starts as the “tsundere” cliché, you know, all attitude, but her later scenes are basically her losing control on top of you, begging for your cum and admitting she checks her phone every night waiting for your messages. And you’re sitting there pants around your ankles going “wow ok feelings now, cool”. Then five minutes later you’re raw-dogging a random side chick in a stairwell, zero romance, just sweat and spit and hurried thrusts because someone might come in. It swings between sweet and filthy without warning. There’s a ton of content already, and the dev clearly has a fetish for variety in positions. Titjobs with cum dripping down, anal scenes where the girl’s expression goes from “no way” to “harder” in one loop, public stuff in the city where she’s trying to keep quiet and absolutely failing. Also there’s that one Claire scene in the classroom with the desk, you’ll know when you get it, where she’s riding you slowly while still acting like a serious teacher, glasses and all, and then breaks character mid-sentence when you grab her ass and pull her down harder. I replayed that like, too many times. Only thing that annoyed me is sometimes I’d click through a day trying to trigger a new event and end up with nothing, just empty routine, but then the next week the game drops two new sex scenes on me back to back and I forget I was annoyed at all.

First time I saw this thing, I laughed at the title and thought it would be another fake edgy porn game that pretends to be dark and then gives you high school drama. It really is not that. The world here feels like someone took a fairytale kingdom, flipped it into a cold matriarchal dictatorship, then forgot to clean up all the blood and semen on the way out. You play this royal bastard, Mordred, stuck inside an order of female knights that looks holy on the outside and rots everywhere inside. Half of your time you are talking in candle-lit halls, watching armored women argue about justice while their boots are still wet from torture. The other half, you're either getting your cock worshipped or crushed by the same women who just gave a speech about honor. It has this strange animation style for the cutscenes, where faces twitch a bit too long, eyes linger a bit too low, and the camera loves legs a lot more than is healthy. Not that I complain. I will still complain that some hair keeps clipping through armor slightly in one of the early scenes and now I can't unsee it, thanks.

The cutscenes work like little theater plays. One moment you're in the chapel while a knight commander lectures Mordred about loyalty. You can choose to be respectful, mocking, or quietly plotting. If you push her too far, next scene she has you alone, back pressed to a stone pillar, gauntleted hand around your throat, other hand unbuckling your belt, her voice totally calm as she jerks you off like it's just another punishment. The animation is not "clean", it has small weird movements, fingers pressing into skin, her lips brushing your ear when she whispers about how dogs shouldn't cum before their mistress. And then another route lets you flip it, pin her instead, push her on her knees so her polished boots are on your shoulders while you fuck her mouth, the camera staying low on the floor to show her drool hitting the stone. It all feels like somebody actually thought about power, not just tits. Sometimes the pacing is terrible. There's a scene with a healer knight who spends so much time talking about ethics that by the time she finally lowers herself and licks along your shaft, I almost forgot this was porn and not a weird philosophy podcast on Spotify. But when her hands glow and she "tests" your body with magic while sucking you off, the mix of healing light and messy blowjob is honestly hot in a way I didn't expect.

What caught me is how the game keeps switching between being horny and being kind of mean. You have these RPG bits, turn based fights where you pick skills while staring at women in heavy armor who later will make you kiss their feet as reward or as humiliation, depending if you played submissive or manipulative in dialog before. One battle ends, and immediately you get a quiet little romance moment on the battlements, your commander resting her legs in your lap, telling you a story about the revolution while she uses your tongue on her toes like it's the most normal thing. The camera focuses on her feet, then her tired face, then your wet chin. Feels intimate and fucked up at same time. Sometimes Mordred sounds like a smug porn protagonist, sometimes more like a 4chan user who accidentally grew a conscience, and the game doesn't decide which version is real. That weird inconsistency somehow works. Oral scenes are everywhere: knights using you to blow off stress before councils, a noble girl who never touched a sword but uses her soft hands on your cock with this almost terrified curiosity, a rough alleyway encounter where you shove a rebel priestess to her knees and grab her hair so hard you see tears mix with spit. And yeah, some romance is there too, quiet scenes where you share stories on a bunk, fingers brushing, no sex at all, which almost feels more indecent because you know what both of you are capable of. The AI-ish CG makes some poses look slightly unnatural, like joints bending a bit off, but it adds this uncanny vibe that fits a world where power and affection are always twisted. I kinda wish they fixed that one scene where the armor strap just disappears between frames. They won't. And I will keep noticing it while I watch a holy knight choke on Mordred's cock like faith alone will not save her.