Princess Zelda here is not the noble wise girl from the usual Nintendo stuff. She is passed out drunk on a small table like after some shitty village party, legs open, clothes still “kind of” on, and you are basically the invisible bastard deciding what happens to her. The game throws you right into it, no slow intro, just Zelda sleeping with that messy blonde hair and big tits almost falling out, and three guys already around her like hyenas. It feels like a nasty extra scene ripped out from Breath of the Wild, but more like if a horny modder went completely crazy after drinking too much. You’re poking, pulling, stripping pieces of clothing off, checking how the panties slide down her thighs, how the bra gets pushed under those tits. The sleep thing is weirdly hot and also kind of fucked up, she never wakes up, she just moans and reacts with her body. It’s like the game is saying “yeah, we know this is wrong, and you’re still clicking” and honestly, I kept clicking.

What I liked a lot is how everything is hidden behind clicks that are not explained. There is no big UI, you just tap around like some perv searching for secrets. You touch her boobs, they bounce, her nipples harden, a guy moves in closer. You rub her pussy, the panties slowly get shifted, then suddenly you’re looking at her shaved slit and already deciding if you go straight for anal first or not. That choice is funny because I kept changing my mind, going “ok pussy first, no wait, that ass is too nice, shit, go back.” There is this moment when you finally line her ass up and push in, and her sleeping face does this tiny reaction, like a half-frown, half-pleasure look, and it got me more than the full-on bukkake later. Speaking of that, the cumshots are everywhere, on her face, boobs, belly, and the game lets you overdo it until she looks like someone spilled a whole bottle of glue on her. I got annoyed that sometimes the cum doesn’t land exactly where I expected, I kept trying to cover one nipple perfectly and it always missed by like two pixels, and I still don’t know why that pissed me off so much.

Then there’s the futa thing, which is half hidden like some naughty Easter egg. You click near the bottle, suddenly Zelda has a cock, and it somehow fits her too well. Watching her sleep while her own dick is hard is a strange mix of cute and totally degenerate. I spent too long just teasing it, making it twitch while the guys still use her holes, because it felt like solving a small dirty puzzle: “how many things can be happening on this girl at the same time without the scene breaking.” When she finally shoots her load, it mixes with the other cum already on her body, and the whole screen looks like a porn painter lost control. It’s not a complicated game, it’s literally just clicking and dragging and trying different spots, but the way it’s built makes you feel like you found some forbidden Zelda cartridge under your bed when you were a teen, only this time you actually get to see her fucked unconscious and drained from both ends. I kind of hate how much I liked it.

Link looks tired here in a good way, like that kind of tired when you already fucked the main princess too long and now your body screams for something new and a bit wrong. Midna shows up with that smug face, small tits, weird imp body and this “I’m trouble” vibe, and the whole game is basically you finding out exactly how much trouble she is. It feels like a choose your own porn route, but cut down to only the good parts, no slow build, no long dialogs, just: what do you want to do to her next, and where do you want to finish. I’d call it horny minimalism, if my English was better. You click, she reacts, her mouth, her pussy, her ass, all become like different paths in a short dirty adventure book where every page ends in cum. I spent way too long on the blowjob option only, because the way she looks up at Link while taking him deep, that hits some weird elf-imp brain button for me. Also, yeah, I keep typing “minda” by mistake and then laughing, so if you see it written wrong my brain did that, not autocorrect.

The funny part is, the game doesn’t pretend to be more than it is. You wanna make Midna masturbate a bit before you fuck her? Click. You wanna shove it in her pussy, watch her stretch around it, then change your mind and go for anal, like you’re flipping pages back and forth in some horny “turn to page 69” book? Go ahead. The transitions between positions are very direct, like the dev also has zero patience for teasing. One second she’s choking on cock, you switch, next second she’s getting her ass filled. I actually liked that it lets you choose where to shoot every time: facial, pussy creampie, ass creampie, even just paint her all over. It’s a stupidly simple thing but it makes you feel like you are directing a really trashy Zelda porno parody in your browser instead of just watching a loop on Pornhub. At one point I kept retrying the facial because I wanted that perfect “all over her smug face” finish and the button was a tiny bit off from where my mouse muscle memory expected, and it annoyed me way more than it should, but I still did it like ten times. Story enjoyers, yeah, there is not much talking here, Link doesn’t say shit and Midna just moans and reacts, but as a long time choose-your-own-adventure nerd, this feels like someone ripped all the fluff out and left me only the branches that end with her stuffed and dripping. Zelda is mentioned like some old save file you don’t load anymore, and that’s kind of hot by itself, like you cheated on your own childhood game. In my headcanon he goes back to the castle with Midna’s cum still drying on his tunic and nobody asks anything.

This thing is basically fanfic with a dick, but it pretends to be a “game”. You pick between a couple of very familiar faces, like a certain pink little royal who keeps losing her kingdom, or the blue fox girl that every furry forum on Reddit has argued about for ten years. They’re all already horny, already ready, nobody is shy for more than two clicks. Consent here is weird: the game treats it like a checkbox that was ticked before you even opened the page. The girls are moaning and begging from the first loop, eyes wet, hips pushing back, so on the surface it looks like “enthusiastic consent”, but in reality they don’t have any agency. They are stuck in a loop that you run, like a Spotify playlist that only has “get fucked harder” on repeat. As an ethics nerd that also likes horny shit, that mix sits funny in my brain. The game is hot, sure, but it also turns consent into background noise, like the wallpaper you stop seeing.

Mechanically it’s dead simple. You click the shiny blue hex things and the scene jumps forward, more cock, more spit, more holes. No puzzles, no choices, no way for a girl to say “no” or even “not right now, my ass hurts”. You just move from “teasing” to “face getting smashed against something” in three taps. The anal scenes are just there, like of course you are going to stuff her ass, why would you even ask. It treats every hole as public property the moment you load the character. For some people that’s the fantasy, for me it raises a flag in the back of my head. These are based on characters that in their original games have their own story, their own small personality. Here, that gets stripped out and turned into pure fuck toy. The fox girl especially gets this wild animalistic vibe, tail up, tongue out, like a porn parody of a porn parody. It is hot and lazy at the same time. I kept thinking how easy it would have been to add literally one line where she decides she wants it, instead of existing only to be pounded like a flesh-shaped input field.

There’s this small detail that stuck with me: the way their faces lock into that “permanent ahegao but still aware” look. Eyes rolled, but they track the camera. Mouth open, drool, but they are somehow still delivering clear voice lines about how they need more. It is a small thing, but it shows exactly how the game sees them. Not as people, not even as fully fictional women with inner life, just as machines that react correctly when you press the right button. If you care about consent in virtual spaces, this is… complicated. On one side, no real person is hurt, no actress is pushed past her limits, it is all pixels. On the other side, we train our brains with what we consume. If every click makes a character beg for more even when her body is being twisted in ways that would snap a real spine, you stop noticing the dissonance. I kept toggling between being turned on and mentally drafting a lecture about informed consent in AI-driven characters. Then I clicked the next blue hex anyway. So yeah, horny trash with familiar faces, fun in the moment, ethically messy as hell, and it does not give a single fuck about that.

Midna finally gets what every horny fan on the internet has been drawing for years, and it’s just as dirty as your old browser history. This little imp from Twilight Princess is dropped straight into a private sex menu where she basically exists to service that big Hylian cock in every way you’ve secretly wanted since you were “just looking up Zelda lore on Google Images.” No plot, no hero’s journey, no saving Hyrule, only Midna staring at your screen like, “yeah, I know why you’re here, you filthy human, pick something from the corner and stop pretending.” You click an option, and suddenly her tiny body is wrapped around a thick shaft, those small tits bouncing a bit while her hands jerk you off with that smug expression that probably awakened half of the fandom in the first place. She’s got that mix of bratty and needy, like she’s mocking the size and still drooling over it, and it makes her handjob scenes feel like an insult and a reward at the same time. Very motivating combo, by the way.

Then the mouth comes into play and it honestly hits different. When she takes it in, the way her head moves and her lips stretch is weirdly satisfying, like someone actually paid attention to the sucking, not just looped some lazy motion. One second she’s working the shaft with both hands, the next her tongue’s all over the tip, and you’re just there thinking, “I really shouldn’t be this turned on by a gremlin from a Nintendo game,” while your mouse keeps clicking new angles like you’re browsing TikTok, but instead of dances it’s deepthroat. The anal part is where the game just stops pretending to be classy at all. Small imp, big cock, tight hole, and she still looks like she’s half annoyed, half addicted to it. Watching her get it in the ass, with her back arched and her hips pushed out, is that kind of scene you tell yourself you’ll watch once, just to check, and twenty minutes later you’re still there, trying every variation of speed like you’re testing a new vibrator setting. The cumshots are absolute porn-brain territory too, no subtlety, just thick white mess all over her face, in her mouth, dripping from her ass, like the artist had one goal: “make sure the player knows this guy definitely didn’t pull out.” And you do know. Repeatedly.

What’s funny is how simple the whole thing is and still it worms into your brain. It’s just you, a list of actions in the corner you keep pretending not to hover over, and Midna being a complete pervert about every single one. There’s something oddly charming about how she goes from smug little troll to cum-soaked toy, then back to smug like nothing happened, like she’s ready to tease you again and you’re the only one embarrassed here. Sometimes the small tits work even better because the focus is on her expressions and the cock she’s worshipping, not some giant bouncing balloons blocking the view. Then again, when she’s riding, her chest moves just enough to remind you they’re there and honestly that sells the motion more than any huge anime chest could. I kept switching between oral and anal like I was changing Spotify tracks, hunting for that “just right” rhythm, and when the final spurt hits and you see her swallow or feel it dripping out of her used asshole, it’s this filthy little payoff that makes you think, “yeah ok, one more round,” which is obviously a lie you believe every time. The whole thing feels like a very specific thirst from a very specific part of the internet somehow got turned into a toy you can actually click and play with, and if you were ever even slightly weak to Midna fanart, good luck pretending you’re not going to check every single option at least twice.