Phil is the kind of old bastard you see in hentai and think, “nah, nobody is like that in real life,” and then the game spends about ten minutes proving you wrong. He used to be this self-proclaimed sex god, king of the boarding house, panties thief, the whole package, and now he’s broke, humiliated, and somehow still horny as fuck. The plot is simple on paper: someone screwed him over, he got kicked off his throne, and now he claws his way back up by joining the local mafia and turning his own house into this weird mix of crime HQ and pervy playground. It sounds ridiculous, and it is, but that’s kinda why it works. One moment you’re helping him deal with shady guys in suits, the next you’re peeking through keyholes to watch a girl ride a dildo she swears is “for back pain only.” The game just shrugs like, yeah, that’s normal. Helga, Olga, Mirian, Layla, Ronda, Phoebe… every name drops like some bootleg crossover of childhood cartoon parody and cheap soap opera, and they all come with their own flavor of fuckery. Helga being a tsun brick with big tits is probably the least surprising thing in here. The first time Phil accidentally walks in on Layla, ass in the air, playing with a toy in front of her phone camera, I actually paused and laughed, because of course the old pervert doesn’t back out. He just stands there, breathing heavy, and the game lets you drag that voyeur moment out longer than it should. The teasing is constant, insanely slow at times, like the devs are edging you on purpose. You grab tits, you grope asses, someone complains, someone moans, and the line between “oops” and “he totally meant that” is very blurry. It’s a sandbox structure, so you bounce around the house, repeat scenes, poke at characters until new stuff unlocks. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s just Phil being a creepy old fuck and you go “okay dude, relax,” but then you click the same option again anyway, so who’s the real problem here.

What I didn’t expect is how much the game leans into Phil being old, not in a sad way, but like a filthy legend past his prime trying to speedrun a comeback. He talks about his “glory days” while staring at a teen with a big ass bent over the kitchen counter and whatever sympathy you had just melts. And yet, the game still lets him be this weird charm bomb. He flirts with Milfs and teens like it’s all the same sport, one minute groping some big tits in a cramped hallway, the next sabotaging some poor bastard’s date so he can swoop in. There’s a scene with Olga where he “helps” her with yoga, and you can practically smell the sweat and desperation when he pretends his hands just “slipped” to her ass. Anal stuff shows up more casually than I expected too, like Phil is just ticking off a bucket list he started thirty years ago. The parody angle pops out more in small jokes: little nods to “Hey Arnold” style names, some girl literally named Ronda who looks like she walked out of a bootleg hentai version of a kids show, and the game never points at it directly, it just sits there and lets you be the one who feels dirty for noticing. Sex toys appear in random places, like a vibrator casually on a coffee table, and Phil’s reaction is always the same horny old man energy, half shocked, half delighted. I only really got annoyed at tiny things, like how the same teasing line repeats in certain scenes and the timing of some events feels off, you walk in, get blueballed, leave, come back, same half-finished seduction, like the universe is lagging. But then you hit a new voyeur moment with Phoebe showering, water dripping over huge tits pressed against the glass, and the irritation just fades into the background noise. Nothing feels polished, not the pacing, not the transitions, not even the way Phil talks, but in this type of game it kind of fits. It’s like dirty fanfic that escaped, got some code slapped on it, and decided to become your new guilty habit without asking.

World looks normal for like five seconds, then a goddess is throat-deep on some drunk guy in a dirty alley and a slime girl is pretending to be a bus stop. That’s the kind of vibe here. You’re the screwed-up youngest kid from this fancy sorcerer bloodline, raised like some expensive pet in a cage while dad plays “ancient destiny” dictator. You finally say “fuck this,” walk out, and crash right into a city where deities are cheating on mortals, monster girls are trying to pass for regular bar hoes, and everyone’s lying about what they are. It’s not subtle. One minute you’re sipping cheap beer, next minute you’re holding a demon girl by the horns while she’s riding you slow on a couch that still has plastic on it, moaning about how your bloodline tastes different while you’re trying to remember the spell to not blow your load too fast. Didn’t work for me, by the way.

What I really liked is how the lewd stuff just happens in between all the weird supernatural drama. You go talk to this “quiet, shy” girl in the library, and the second you notice her shadow moving out of sync you know shit’s about to get freaky. Few lines of flirting, a bit of awkward groping in the stacks, and suddenly her skin splits like a zipper and she’s got scales running up her spine, huge tits pressed against you, tongue way too long to be human sliding in your mouth. She insists you keep going even when your hands are shaking, and when you finally push her against the shelf and slide in raw, the game really leans into it: her claws on your back, wet sounds in your headphones, her whispering about how “human seed feels different” right before you dump a creampie that literally glows inside her. Then she zips herself back into “normal girl” mode and asks if you’ve done the homework. I opened Telegram in the background just to rant at a buddy about it, then remembered I’m not supposed to talk about this game with anyone and just sat there laughing like an idiot.

There’s this club scene where the pacing goes totally off the rails but in a fun way. You think it’s normal stripping: girl with big tits grinding on your lap, teasing your cock through your pants, licking your ear, that usual horny-night type of thing. Then the lights flicker red, her eyes go all void-black, and suddenly you’re in a half-ritual, half-orgy where three women are around you, each not quite human, each wanting your “family magic” inside them. One’s a monster girl with a mouth inside her thigh, another is a goddess pretending she’s just there for the music, and the third one is basically lesbian as hell but decides your tongue is good enough as a temporary toy before she focuses on the others. You’re switching between eating one out while another one deepthroats you, then getting pulled into group sex where they pass your dick like a joint, sloppy oral, spit mixing with that thick white mess when one of them jerks you right into another girl’s pussy without warning. The game doesn’t even pause to ask if you want to pull out. You just watch the cum drip out of her while she smirks and murmurs some spell that probably means trouble later. And I actually tried to roleplay the “responsible romance route” at first, which was adorable and completely pointless, because ten minutes later I was banging a deity in a bathroom stall while a monster outside the door pretended to be a broken hand dryer.

Frank really picked the worst possible way to escape prison and the best possible place to wash up. Storm, wreck, boom, suddenly the dude is crawling out of the water into a familiar yellow square house that should not be this horny. He looks around, nobody home, nobody asking questions, so he just goes, “Yeah, sure, I’m SpongeBob now,” throws on the clothes and starts living this fake life under the sea. It sounds stupid as hell. It is stupid as hell. That’s kind of why it works. The game just leans into the parody thing completely, like a Newgrounds cartoon that got drunk, grew up and decided to stop pretending it’s for kids. One minute you’re wandering Bikini Bottom talking to cartoon weirdos, next minute you’re balls deep in someone with tits that would absolutely not pass broadcast standards. It’s all exaggerated, big tits, big asses, stretchy mouths, thick thighs, the whole hentai checklist but in this goofy aquatic world that used to run on Nickelodeon.

The tone is all over the place in a fun way. You’re this criminal hiding in plain sight, trying to remember you’re “SpongeBob” while also basically turning the town into your own personal sex playground. You can wander around, poke into houses you probably shouldn’t, get into some stupid mini-games, buy junk from shops, then somehow that leads to a blowjob behind a counter or a rough handjob in a back alley lit like a bad crime movie. The animated scenes are unapologetically dirty: sloppy oral with lots of spit, big cartoon cocks sliding between fat wet lips, pussy getting pounded while her huge chest bounces in that silly loop that looks wrong and right at same time. Sometimes it goes from silly to surprisingly graphic fast, like you’re laughing at a joke and suddenly there’s this intense vaginal close-up with her moaning like a full hentai OVA. The violence sneaks in too, not super serious but sharp enough you remember that Frank isn’t some innocent hero. He’s a fugitive who lies, pushes people around, fucks them, sometimes intimidates them. Definitely more male dom than soft romance here, even when the girls act all cutesy.

What surprised me most is how oddly cozy the sandbox feels even when everything on screen is nasty. You move across different Bikini Bottom spots, trigger crazy side events, stumble into lewd scenes you didn’t plan, then ten minutes later you’re grinding money again because you wasted it on some dumb store item that only unlocks one short sex loop. Some dialogues hit like shitposts from Reddit, other lines sound like the dev wrote them half asleep, but that gives it this raw energy. It’s not “polished narrative experience”, it’s “guy in a funny outfit lying to the whole town while shoving his dick where it doesn’t belong”. Sometimes the pacing goes weird and you’re stuck wandering around checking every door because the game refuses to tell you where the next scene is, and then out of nowhere you trigger a scene with a stacked character who rides you like she’s trying to break your spine. If there was a DLC where Bikini Bottom just leaned even harder into the corruption, with even more twisted hentai-style events and Frank losing the last bits of morality he has, I’d play that in a heartbeat. Even if I’d complain about some tiny bug in the shop UI and then completely forget I ever mentioned it once the next girl drops to her knees.

This one hits like a horny Celtic fever dream where your playlist suddenly jumps from chill lo-fi to filthy club track with heavy bass and no one knows who touched the volume. You play this immortal warrior guy who basically keeps falling into trouble with every kind of dangerous woman: proud redhead warriors who look like they could break your neck and ride your dick in the same motion, druids with glowing eyes and way too much influence over your brain, smug queens who clearly use their tits as a political tool, that kind of vibe. It starts almost noble, like you think you’re the good guy in some old legend, but after a few choices you’re already grabbing a fistful of ass in a torchlit hall and pretending it’s all part of the strategy. It feels a bit like shuffling Spotify from “epic battle music” to “sex playlist” and then never going back.

What I liked is how it doesn’t treat you like some clueless virgin, even when the game is actually about turning pure girls into not-so-pure little worshipers of your cock. You get these quiet scenes where you’re talking to a proud female warrior about honor and battle scars, then suddenly your hand is under her leather armor, she’s breathing hard, and you’re deciding if you tease her with a slow handjob or shove her to her knees and make her taste you. Sometimes the camera lingers on her lips wrapped around you with just enough movement to feel alive but not like some overproduced porn. Other times it cuts right after the creampie and you’re like hey, let me enjoy the mess a second longer, alright? There’s also this thing where your “heroic” path and your “corrupt the whole fucking pantheon” path keep mixing. One moment you’re saving a village. Next moment you’re mindfucking their druid priestess and using her as a toy in a group scene while she chants in some old tongue and still somehow finds time to swallow. I love that energy. I also hate that some of the scenes tease you with perfect set-up for proper throat abuse or rough titfuck and then just jump back to plot like the writer suddenly remembered lore is a thing. But then you get this surprisingly soft masturbation scene with a so-called untouchable milf queen, sitting by a window, touching herself while remembering how you pinned her against a stone wall and filled her, and it hits like a slow, dirty track at the end of the night. You kind of forget you were supposed to be a hero at all and just start thinking which kingdom you want to fuck into obedience next.