Royal Madness is probably the closest thing to a horny fairytale written by a very drunk court painter who really likes cats with huge tits and smug faces. You’re tossed in as Lewis, bastard ocelot prince, and the world instantly treats your royal blood like a kink rather than a title. It’s not subtle about it. Every rival, every “enemy,” every supposed threat ends up circling one question: are you fucking them into your harem, or are they turning you into their cute little pet instead. The game doesn’t pretend to be noble. It treats power as a sex toy and nobility as an excuse to collar people and re-style their bodies until they match your tastes a bit too perfectly.

What I liked is that the characters aren’t just recolors of the same cat-girl with different boobs. The art actually feels like someone sat there and thought “ok, what if a smug lioness warlord had hips like a fertility statue and armor that only makes sense if her nipples are a political statement.” Sometimes it looks messy, lines a bit shaky, anatomy going off on its own adventure, but that fits the energy. It’s not corporate clean, more like horny sketchbook that got out of control. There is this rhino general, for example, huge chest, scars across the muzzle, and when you win their challenge the magic doesn’t just slap “now they are pretty” filter. No, you literally watch the body warp piece by piece, broad muscles smoothing or sharpening, maybe the tits swelling stupidly big while they gasp halfway between outrage and getting turned on by losing. That slow change hits way harder than a simple “transformation finished” screen.

The actual structure is that loose sandbox style where you hop from one hot mess to another, switching perspective between male and female protagonist when the story feels like it, not when you are ready. One scene you’re Lewis using magic to slowly erode the pride of a tiger knight, teasing him until his cock and even his voice betray how much he wants to kneel. Next time the game flips and you’re playing as one of your own ex-rivals, now loyal, wandering your palace and accidentally starting something filthy with a new intruder who thought they’d be the one on top. That shift is the fun part. You see the same harem from different eyes, sometimes as a conqueror, sometimes as the newest toy, sometimes as the one being “improved” by your own magic. And the kinks slide around too. One route gives you a stacked lion queen that you carefully nudge from terrifying monarch into doting, overprotective mommy dom, then another throws you against a seemingly submissive bunny clerk that ends with you collared, hips reshaped, moaning her name while she tests how flexible ocelot royalty can be when properly “reformed.” Half the time I was cursing at the tiny UI buttons and weird pacing, the other half I was staring at the screen of my phone on the tram, trying not to bite my lip like a complete idiot.

If you really want to squeeze every filthy drop out of it, don’t rush straight to the obvious sex scenes. Poke around the challenges, lose on purpose sometimes, see how the transformations twist when you’re the loser instead of the victor. Talk to characters again after you’ve changed them, especially the big tits crowd and the ones who pretended they didn’t care about you. Watch how their new bodies and new roles corrupt their own original goals. Treat each battle less like a level and more like a negotiation with the world’s nastiest fashion designer. That’s where the game actually gets hot.

Goblin Down feels like someone took a messy affair from a cheap motel, stitched it into a fantasy story, then forgot to iron the seams. Which I mean as a compliment. As a lingerie designer I kept thinking of it like a jealous little boudoir drama: tiny space, three bodies, way too much skin and not enough honesty. You start as this rookie adventurer who once got saved by a goblin girl, then years later she’s your wife, Qilka, and she’s basically the only one in the house with any common sense. Her design hits weirdly close to how I sketch green-skinned models: short, soft belly, those slightly too-big eyes that look innocent even when she’s getting railed, and that cheap village dress that screams “I can be pulled aside in one motion.” It’s not elegant, but it works. Like lace that scratches but looks hot in photos.

What hooked me most wasn’t even the orc at first, it was how fast the mood in the house rots once he shows up. One scene you bring this huge hurt bastard home like some stray dog, next scene you’re watching her fuss over him, wiping his chest, his thighs, pretending she’s just doing first aid while her cheeks are already a little flushed. There is this early voyeur moment where you peek through the cracked door and the animation has her hand hovering just a bit too long over his crotch, like she’s “accidentally” brushing it. That’s when the game stopped feeling like a heroic fantasy and more like catching your partner sexting with someone bigger. The actual sex escalates in a way that made my stomach twist: first it’s innocent tending, then a clumsy handjob where she looks like she’s not even sure how she got there, then full-on sloppy oral with her ears twitching and eyes rolled up, that classic ahegao face that would look stupid if the guilt wasn’t so heavy. Sometimes her expression is a bit too cartoony for the mood, by the way. I wanted one scene where she just looks wrecked inside, not only drooling and cross-eyed. But they never go there, they stay in that porn comic style, which annoyed me and I still kept going.

What I like, or hate, is how the corruption isn’t only about her. You as the husband are kind of pathetic and it’s hot in a really bad way. The game gives you these choices where you can pretend nothing’s wrong, go back to your guild work, or poke around like a paranoid idiot. I picked the coward route first, just left them alone, and later there’s this animated loop of the orc lifting her by the hips and pounding her from behind in your own bedroom, her ring still on her finger, and I actually paused and stared like it was some lingerie catalog shot I needed to analyze. Her little tits bounce against his stomach, the camera lingers on the creampie dripping out of her while she whispers how “it’s fine, he’ll never know.” It’s filthy and sort of beautiful in a trashy way, like mismatched bra and panties that somehow look better than a full set. There’s one scene where she rides him in your bed, looking back at the doorway, almost like she wants you to walk in and watch. That voyeur energy is crazy, even if a few transitions feel rushed, like they skipped a beat between nervous groping and full surrender. Still, the whole thing left me thinking about designing a set inspired by her: something green and torn at the hem, a little too small, like it belongs to a wife who says she’s loyal while her thighs are still sticky from someone else. And then I remembered this is just a short visual novel and I’m overthinking it while she’s taking orc dick again in the next CG.

You open your eyes in a garden that’s way too pretty for how fucked up you feel. You remember dying… kind of. It’s fuzzy, like that morning after too much vodka when you’re checking your phone and praying you didn’t text your ex. Except now the “ex” is literally your life, and instead of hangover you get a smug angel, a smug demon, and a bunch of confused hot dead people who all like girls, guys, both, neither, or “it’s complicated” in different flavors. They tell you this isn’t Heaven, not Hell, just the Garden hanging out in Limbo, like some cosmic waiting room where everyone’s bisexual or worse. You’re told you can pick your body and gender, like character creation but with the weight of “what the fuck am I actually” behind it. Female, male, futa, trans, something in between, something off to the side. The game doesn’t blink. You can just… exist the way you wish you had when you were alive. That alone hit harder than some porn games ever will, honestly. Then five minutes later you’re flirting with a demon girl who looks like she can ruin your life and you’re fine with it.

What really sticks in my head is how one scene goes from tender to horny to sad so fast it feels wrong, in a good way. You’re sitting under this glowing tree with another lost soul, talking about what you regret from your life. They’re quietly telling you about the first time they realized they liked girls, how they kissed a friend behind a church, shaking and happy and terrified. The garden lights reflect in their eyes, they lean closer, and your choices appear. You can joke it away, you can pull them into this slow, nervous kiss, or you can go full thirsty and grab their hips and push them against the tree. If you go thirsty, the way the writing describes hands sliding over still unfamiliar bodies, the awkward “is this okay” mixed with raw need, feels more real than half the polished porn out there. It’s not just “and then boobs appeared, wow.” It’s messy, people hesitate, someone laughs at the wrong time, it reads like two queer disasters horny in Limbo who never got to be honest when they were alive, so now they’re making up for it in one go. There’s even a moment where they say “I never had sex like this when I was alive” and you can answer “me neither” or pretend you were a huge player. Which is funny, because the game will totally call you out later on that lie.

In between the horny stuff, you’re doing trials, talking to angels that act like burnt-out office workers, demons who act like they run a queer nightclub, and other dead people trying to figure out if Heaven is worth the rules, Hell is worth the chaos, or if Limbo is secretly the best place because nobody really knows what the fuck is happening anyway. Sometimes the tone whiplash gets tiring, like you’ll go from heartfelt talk about dysphoria to a gag about someone’s ass in two lines and it almost kills the mood. There are parts where the pacing drags, especially when a character dumps lore on you about how Eden ended up stuck here and you just wanna go back to worrying if that cute trans boy is into you or only into your “tragic backstory.” But then later, one small choice from an earlier date suddenly changes how a big late scene plays out and you realize oh, okay, it was paying attention the whole time. There are multiple routes and endings, you can flirt with women, men, futas, trans characters, some are soft, some are monsters in a sexy way, some are just emotionally unavailable but so hot you try anyway. It’s not afraid to be horny, but it also doesn’t treat sex like the only reward. Sometimes you get a tender cuddle in the afterlife instead of a full-on scene, and weirdly that feels more intimate. Still, I got annoyed that one character keeps mentioning some specific snack from when they were alive and you never actually see it anywhere. No CG, nothing. That bothered me a lot more than it should have. Anyway, it all feels like a queer afterlife dating mess where you can be a lesbian, a dude, a trans futa, whatever, and still end up kissing under a divine tree while arguing about whether Heaven even deserves you.

The hook here is simple and kinda dirty: your sister spoils you rotten for years, builds you up, then vanishes and throws you the keys to an apartment complex full of horny disasters who clearly never heard about boundaries. You pick if you play as a guy or a girl, but either way you’re the one everyone suddenly wants to impress, seduce, dominate, or milk like some perverted space-cow. It sounds like typical harem fantasy, and yeah, it is, but wrapped in this weird mix of romance and power play where one second you’re awkwardly trying to be a responsible landlord, and the next you’re elbow-deep in someone’s cleavage, trying not to think about how soft and warm and oh shit she’s pushing your head down further.

What I really liked is how the “pickup line” thing kind of sneaks up on you. The game doesn’t say “this is the flirting system” with big glowing text. You just start talking to tenants, and the dialogue branches suddenly care a lot about how bold or submissive you act. Pick a cheesy line with the shy lesbian tenant, and she blushes so hard you feel like a bully… then later she surprises you by pinning you to the wall and making you whimper. Try the same line on the confident femdom chick and she laughs like you’re a little toy and makes you prove you deserve to even look at her tits. I had one moment where I thought I was being smooth with a “romantic” reply, and the game answered with: “You say that while staring at her nipples.” That’s when I realized this thing is not interested in staying subtle.

The sex itself swings around a lot. You get soft, cuddly lesbian scenes where two girls just touch and kiss slowly, fingers exploring, hands on hips, careful teasing, and then out of nowhere someone pulls out toys that look like they belong in a sci-fi lab, presses them against swollen breasts and starts talking about how full she wants to feel. There’s a lot of focus on big tits, not just as decoration, but as actual gameplay focus: teasing, groping, titfucking, even milking. I spent way too long on one scene where I was just watching text describe how milk ran down her chest in thin lines and pooled around her nipples while you keep thrusting between them. It sounds stupid when I write it, but in the moment I was just scrolling like “yeah, go on, more detail, don’t stop here.” Then later in a different route the same body is treated totally different, more like a throne you kneel under while she uses your face or your cock without asking. Femdom fans will see the strings immediately. The domination swings between playful and actually kind of mean, especially if you lean into the “serve me” options. You get hand jobs that start as a reward and end as punishment, anal scenes that flip who’s in control mid-thrust, creampies that feel earned, not just “you came, congrats.” I wish the romance side was a bit stronger in some branches, but it also fits this messy tone where everyone is half in love, half horny, half lying to themselves. Yes, that’s three halves. Shut up.

The only thing that actually annoyed me is tiny: the way some lines repeat when you’re trying different approaches with the same girl, especially the landlord talk when all you want is to get back to the part where she threatens to sit on your face if you don’t answer correctly. It breaks the flow when you’ve already seen that text five times. But then suddenly you get a new variation of a scene where your character, male or female, gets dragged into a bed, toy pressed against them, and the tenant says something like “You’re in charge of this building, but I’m in charge of this body,” and my brain just forgets to be annoyed. There’s something funny about how often the game pretends to care about rent and cleaning schedules while the actual content is full-on groping in stairwells, panties pushed aside for quick vaginal fucks, tenants competing for your attention, and you trying to juggle being in control with being completely dominated. One route has you slowly building a kind of accidental harem, another route has you stuck under one woman’s heel, and in between you still toss out pickup lines like you’re on some cursed Tinder where everyone is horny and too honest. I kept thinking “this is too much” and then clicking the dirtiest option anyway.

Dare to play it alone, or invite company?