So there's this game called Cartoon Hearts and honestly? It's kinda weird but in that good way where you can't look away from a car crash, except the car crash is horny teenagers and cartoon characters going to high school together.

You play some random dude - because it's always some random dude, isn't it - walking around what looks like a normal city but surprise! Raven's doing her goth thing in art class, Violet Parr's trying not to phase through her desk during math, and Starfire's probably setting something on fire in chemistry because that's just Tuesday for her. The whole setup is unhinged in the best possible way. Like someone took Saturday morning cartoons and said "what if they all went to the same school and had raging hormones?" which is either brilliant or deeply concerning depending on your perspective. The writing bounces between actually clever character interactions and moments where you're like wait did Raven just say that? Because she did and it's weird but also... kinda works?

Each girl's got her whole personality thing going on - shy artist with mysterious vibes, popular athlete who's secretly insecure, alien princess who doesn't understand human customs but definitely understands human anatomy. Standard visual novel fare but with characters you actually recognize instead of Generic Anime Girl #47. The dialogue gets pretty explicit when things heat up, which they do because that's literally the point. Some scenes hit different when it's characters you've known since you were like twelve, creates this whole cognitive dissonance that's either your thing or absolutely not your thing. No middle ground here. The art style does this thing where it tries to stay true to the original designs while making them more... adult-oriented, if you catch my drift. Sometimes it works great, other times Starfire looks like she walked out of a completely different universe than Teen Titans but whatever, you're not here for art consistency anyway.

Eight years after all the magic bullshit went “ok sure, now this is normal”, you’re dropped into this weirdly calm university life where everyone pretends they grew up, but nobody really did. She’s a blonde student now, technically an adult, wearing the ID card, going to lectures, passing bored faces in the hallway, and still getting that same rush when an old face appears at the back of the class. It starts slow. Too slow, honestly. You’re clicking through her daily routine, half-listening to some teacher talk about something nobody cares about, then suddenly you’re in this abandoned classroom with someone who used to save worlds with her, and now they’re just awkwardly standing too close. The game does this a lot. One second you’re watching her stare at a timetable, next second she’s on her knees between someone’s legs, the kind of blowjob scene that feels like the dev actually remembers what horny fans want: saliva, messy sounds, a bit of funny dialogue that somehow doesn’t ruin the mood. It’s not super polished, you see the seams, but that kinda works here. Feels like a fanfic that escaped Google Docs and picked up a Ren’Py engine on the way.

The whole thing is pure nostalgia porn mixed with actual porn. You get those “oh shit, I remember that” moments when she meets old acquaintances who are now adults too, but the way they look at her tells you everyone’s thinking less about magic and more about who’s going to end up pinned against a dorm wall. Scenes hit different when you’re the one choosing which door she knocks on after class. One route had me send her to this “study session” that turned into a very not-safe-for-library handjob under the table, while the teacher droned on two meters away. Another time I picked what I thought was the wholesome choice and somehow ended with her mouth full in a storage closet, joking about how this is better than exams. The game likes to pretend you’re roleplaying her feelings, but let’s be honest, half the time you’re just testing how far the dev will let this parody go without breaking the character completely. Some lines are a bit cringe, some scenes end too quick, and there’s this one background track that kept looping during a really hot scene and I wanted to strangle it, but I didn’t mute it. I just complained out loud to no one and kept clicking, because the next CG looked really nice in the wrong way. It’s not subtle. It’s not trying to be smart. It’s a horny, slightly rough fan-made eroge where a once chaotic magical girl is now a horny uni student with way too many “private talks” after class, and if you were ever into that show, your brain will fill in all the parts the script rushes through. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

You wake up in a world that feels too heavy with history, like the air itself remembers every god that ever fucked, lied, or loved here. It’s not some shiny Olympus on a postcard - it’s cracked marble, sweat, and the smell of skin after lightning. You’re not sure if you’re supposed to be mortal or divine, but everyone who looks at you seems to want to find out by getting under your clothes. The game doesn’t waste time pretending it’s about heroism; it’s about hunger, the kind that makes your chest ache and your hands shake when someone whispers your name like a prayer. You make choices, yeah, but half the time it feels like the choices are making you - pulling you toward lust or rage or something that tastes like both.

There’s this one scene - I can’t forget it - where you’re standing in front of a goddess who’s pretending to be human. She touches your face like she’s remembering it from another life, and then suddenly she’s pressing you against the wall, and it’s not gentle. The writing doesn’t flinch; it lets the moment breathe, dirty and holy at once. That’s what got me. The sex isn’t just there to get you off (though it will, trust me), it’s tangled with the story, with the idea that desire is a kind of truth. And sometimes it’s ugly. Sometimes you hate what you want. But the game doesn’t judge. It just watches.

I kept thinking about how the gods here aren’t better than humans - they’re just more naked about their madness. The jealousy, the possessiveness, the way they look at you like you’re both prey and prophet. It’s messy, mythic, erotic as hell. The music hums low like a heartbeat, and every choice feels like it could ruin you or make you divine. Maybe both.

There is this trashy little tropical resort game that feels like somebody mashed a sleazy dating sim with a lazy idle tycoon and then asked, “how far can we push the horny?” and just never stopped. You show up on this sunny island because daddy died and left you a resort, and instead of grief you get a UI and a to-do list that’s basically: hire busty women, pretend to care, squeeze both their labor and their bodies. It’s not subtle. The first time you promise a girl “a real career” while the dialogue clearly nudges her toward stripping down for “special client service”, it feels like a hentai parody of every fake inspirational LinkedIn coach. One moment you’re adjusting room prices and assigning shifts, next moment you’re in a Ren’Py scene where she’s bent over a desk, tits bouncing, you clicking through lines about “team building”. Very professional, yes. Totally HR compliant.

The part that actually got me is how fast your brain switches between numbers brain and degenerate brain. You’re checking profit margins, then a new horny event pops up: that island cutie you put at the front desk is complaining she can’t pay rent, and suddenly the “solution” is you fucking her brains out as “staff housing benefit”. The game pretends it’s comedic, and to be fair, some lines are actually funny in that dark, mean way: jokes about selling “emotional security” while your dick is literally inside her, side comments about your dead father probably doing the same shit before you. Sometimes the humor hits, sometimes it’s like your uncle discovered hentai memes and tried to write them himself. The girls are written like classic eroge archetypes, just with the morality slider ripped off: the shy one that folds under pressure with a wet moan, the ambitious one you bribe with promises of promotion if she swallows, the island girl who “owes the resort” and works off her debt on her knees. Ren’Py makes it all feel familiar: click, fork a choice, watch an H-scene, open another menu to make more money off the same girl you just creampied. It is trash, but that kind of trash where you catch yourself min-maxing your harem and thinking, “ok, but if I make this one my personal assistant, does that unlock more office sex or just better income?” and then you realize you don’t care, because she’s already moaning your name in another event window. Tropical capitalism, but with cum everywhere.