Loona landing in your lap already pissed off is honestly the best mood for this game. She’s not here to be “waifu of the year”, she’s here to snarl, roll her eyes, flirt like a bitch in heat and then act like it never happened. You get thrown into this weird spot where you’re half therapist, half horny tourist in Hell, trying to explain human dating to a hellhound who could rip your throat out or ride your dick in the same sentence. And it actually feels like a date sometimes, not just porn stuck between dialogue boxes. You’re picking answers, reading her reactions, watching her tail twitch when you accidentally say something that hits her soft side. Next second she’s calling you a perv and asking if you brought condoms, like it’s your fault you have eyes.

Art is what really sold me. Hand‑drawn, dirty in the right way, not that soulless AI mush. Lines are a little inconsistent now and then, and I like that, it feels like someone actually sat there, zoomed in too much in Clip Studio, and forgot to fix a finger. Her expressions go from annoyed little fang gremlin to full-on needy bitch in heat, and the animators really leaned into her being a werewolf type girl and not just “girl with dog ears”. Her thighs look heavy, her hips have that bounce, and when she climbs on top, the camera doesn’t shy away. You see drool, her tits press and deform against you, fur framing the angles, tongue out, eyes rolled back. There’s one scene where she’s riding and mocking your rhythm at the same time, and you get the choice to shut her up by grabbing her throat or pulling her closer for a kiss. Both are horny, just in different ways. The kiss option made her go all shy and then double down harder later, which is kinda hot and kinda annoying because she never admits she liked it.

The romance part sneaks up on you like a drunk text. You start just wanting to see Loona naked in this parody Helluva/Hazbin flavored setup, and suddenly you’re reading this dumb little line where she talks about how in Hell, “dates” usually end in blood or contracts, not cuddling on some crappy couch watching trash TV, and you’re like yeah ok, I’d actually hold this stupid wolf girl’s hand. Then the game hits you with a blowjob scene where she’s glaring up while drool and cum leak from her lips, and the romance melts back into pure porn again. Writing is rough around the edges, some lines feel like Google Translate had a hangover, but it matches her attitude somehow. She curses too much, repeats herself, calls you names, and that fits. I wish there was more slow build before the first sex scene, but at the same time the impatient rush is very “Loona” so it probably won’t change and I’ve accepted that. Still thinking about that one ending where she pretends she doesn’t care you picked the soft options, tail wagging like crazy in the background while she tells you she only did this to “blow off steam”. Sure, girl. Whatever you say.

You slip into this game as the new professor at Beacon and the whole thing feels kind of wrong in a way that makes it hard to stop reading. It’s not shy about what it wants: you, a smug older guy with too much authority, and Ruby, older than in the show but still with that clumsy puppy energy, stuck in your classroom while you slowly bend her into something filthy. The whole thing runs on text, so there is no fancy distraction. Just words hitting you, one after another, like a slow hand creeping up a thigh. The writing starts playful, almost harmless, with dumb jokes and parodies of school rules, and then suddenly you realize you’re several choices deep into blackmailing this girl over one embarrassing incident in the training hall.

There was one scene where you “help” Ruby with her combat stance. It begins like normal tutoring, legs apart, hands on her hips, small corrections. Then the teacher voice in the text softens and turns very personal. The script pays a lot of attention to little sounds: her armor clinking when you press her against the desk, the soft “ah” when you grope a little too high, the tiny wet click when she swallows her nerves along with your threats. No need for audio, you can almost hear it anyway. And when she finally drops to her knees for “extra credit”, the text slows down, sentence by sentence, describing the way she breathes against your cock, the messy saliva strings, the muted gagging. It lingers just long enough to make you feel like a creep, then cracks a joke about grades, like it wants you to laugh at your own corruption. I kinda hated that. And liked it. Then hated that I liked it. The pace is strange like that: some scenes rush right to the good stuff, then later a simple spanking session in your office drags on forever, each smack and whimper stretched out until you feel the heat of her ass on your own palm.

The domination side is not gentle. She starts shy and stubborn, but it doesn’t take long before you’re shoving her face into the desk, pulling her hair while you push inside her, reading her humiliation thoughts in these short, guilty inner monologues. You get moments where she tries to act tough, where the humor pops back up and she cracks a joke while your hand is down her panties, but then one line cuts through, like her realizing she is actually wetter when you insult her. That part stung more than any fictional bruise. The game leans fully into male power fantasy, from groping in crowded halls, to secret anal “lessons” after class, to forcing her to masturbate for you while you just watch and grade her form like it’s homework. Sometimes the text repeats certain actions again and again, like the writer forgot they already described how tight she is, but somehow it fits the sleazy, obsessive tone. It’s messy, too horny to be elegant, full of teasing and rough sex and stupid little asides, like your character complaining about paperwork in the middle of making Ruby choke on him. And yeah, the whole school setting, the blackmail, the way her innocence gets peeled off scene by scene, it all feels like reading a dirty fanfic at 200% intensity, where every new “lesson” is just an excuse to drag her a little deeper into your bed, and her shame sounds louder in your head than any battle in the original show ever did.

Christmas comes early in this weird little horny card circus, and it arrives in the shape of a busted casino table covered in nut-stained decks and smug clowns. Imagine taking one of those mobile duel games where you keep drawing shiny cards, smashing them together, thinking about “strategy” like it is chess, then someone grabs your wrist, shoves your dick between pixel tits and says, “yeah yeah good tactics, now cum on the queen.” That is kind of the feeling here. It is like someone asked, “what if we took a serious deck builder and then completely ruined it with horny jokes, harem chaos, and clown faces that stare right into your soul when you misplay.” And somehow it works. Or maybe it doesn’t. I’m not even sure, but my browser history is not proud of me. You build up a deck, you try to make a nice combo, and in the middle of counting multipliers you suddenly care way more about which girl is going to squeeze your cock between her tits if you win the next round. Strategy meets horny brain rot and horny brain obviously wins.

The harem setup sneaks up on you a bit. At first it is just a couple girls teasing you, those 2D drawings with that cheap-but-hot style, like early Newgrounds had a baby with an old hentai flash site. Then you unlock another one, and she has a different “reward” for when you nail the round perfectly. One is all about titfucks, really leaning into that “let me hold your shaft between my boobs while you try to focus on the next hand” vibe. Another is way more into oral, with these long looping scenes where she drags her tongue up and down like she has all the time in the world and you are supposed to somehow play a smart turn while watching that. Penetration shows up too, standard pussy stuff, but laid over the card game in this almost stupid way that somehow becomes charming. You clear a wave, she rides you. You survive a bad draw, she spreads for you. Lose a big round? Back to the menu, dick sad, brain angry, hand still on the mouse like “one more run, I can fix this.” Sometimes the parody of serious card games hits hard, like seeing a big scary boss that is basically just a joker with cum jokes written all over his skills, and sometimes the humor falls flat, but the game does not really care. It keeps throwing new jokers, new card perks, more reasons to edge instead of think.

The jokers are the real degenerates here. They behave like those wild cards that mess with the whole run, except every one of them looks like the kind of clown that would fuck your harem behind your back, then pretend it is a buff and not a debuff. Some of them boost your scores, some twist your strategy into something completely different, and a few feel almost useless, yet you still pick them “just to see” because they have a filthy little effect tied to a sex scene you have not triggered yet. That is where the replay thing creeps in. Not because the game is super deep, even though some of the strategy moments are surprisingly tight, but because your horny brain keeps saying, “what happens if I stack this joker with that girl and stall one more round before cumming.” That one turn where I saved a losing run by risking a terrible hand, only to be “rewarded” with a long, slow titfuck animation while a smug joker card sat in the corner of the screen like it was judging me, is burned into my memory for no good reason. I still hate that the sound effects on one of the blowjob scenes is slightly out of sync with the animation and it distracts me every single time, and they will absolutely never fix it, but whatever. This whole thing feels like a dirty holiday party where the lights are too bright, the music is a bit off, everyone is half naked, and you keep telling yourself you will leave after one last round, then you draw another hand and forget what you were about to do.

RuleUniverse feels like someone mashed Dragon Ball fanfiction, horny Twitter art and a half-finished Ren’Py project, then accidentally made it kind of addictive. You start as this lonely overachiever kid that reads like every shonen protagonist in history, then a demon scientist pops up and says, “hey, let’s stuff your body with DNA from the strongest fighters in the universe, what could go wrong.” It’s delightfully stupid in that fanfic way, but precisely because of that, it works. The game knows it’s a parody, it doesn’t try to pretend it’s “deep”, and then it suddenly throws in a line about destiny or guiding the universe and you’re like… alright, Toriyama-with-horny-mods, calm down.

The real fun is how transparently it worships its women. Bulma, Chi-Chi, Android 18, that whole legendary boob-and-ass pantheon is here, clearly shaped by someone who grew up pausing VHS at the worst places. The models are 3D and exaggerated as hell: huge tits, fat asses, those shiny anime lips that just scream “she’s going to suck him off in like two clicks.” Animated scenes actually move, not just two stiff characters rubbing like broken Sims; you get thrusting, jiggling, drool, that soft spit string when you pull out from a blowjob, all the little pervy details that tell you the dev really wanted this for themselves first. One moment you’re doing basic combat with ki blasts and energy auras, the next you’re balls-deep in Bulma in a lab, with wires and science junk in the background like that somehow makes it ethical. And the combat’s funny: it pretends to be serious, but all you’re thinking is “okay, how many fights until I unlock the next sex scene with Android 18.” Sometimes the sandbox part feels less like a “world” and more like a small playground with a fence around it, but the loops of walking around, clicking, triggering small events, slowly unlocking more lewd stuff… it scratched that same spot as old flash games I used to sneak at school on shitty browsers.

I kinda love how messy it is. The romance tries to act sentimental for a second, then five lines later you’re face-fucking a milf with magic powers while she moans like someone recorded it in a bathroom on a cheap mic. Dialog swings from “I will guide the universe” to “fuck me harder” without the slightest shame. Exploration is simple, a little repetitive, but I still kept wandering, poking every corner hoping there’s a hidden event where Chi-Chi finally snaps and rides the protagonist like he’s the last Saiyan on earth. Some text sounds like it was written at midnight by a dude half-remembering DBZ arcs from YouTube AMVs, which, honestly, is the right energy. I do wish the world reacted more to what you do, like if you bang Bulma enough, Vegeta starts showing up mad or something, but I know that kind of feature is exactly the thing that stays in the dev’s “maybe later” notes forever. Still, when you’re watching Android 18 slowly drop to her knees after you save her in a fight and she rewards you with this sloppy, animated blowjob, with her tits barely contained and that quiet smug smile when she swallows, it hits the trashy, horny, teen-power-fantasy nerve in a very specific way. It’s not elegant. It’s not smart. It’s like a wet doujin turned half-game, half-daydream, and somehow that’s exactly why it sticks.