Memory hits you like a drunk kiss: messy, off-target, and a little too slow. You wake up in some rich-looking place that obviously isn’t yours, and your brain is basically an empty save slot. No name, no past, nothing. What you do have is a body that works just fine and a house full of women who look like they walked out of the “forbidden” tab in your Pornhub history. They act like they know you. Or like they’re supposed to know you. That weird tension is the best part: everyone fakes normal life, but every glance hangs one second too long, every “accidental” touch lasts a bit more than polite. You’re the only guy in the house, and the game never lets you forget that. Walking through the hallway feels like scrolling a sex playlist. The “mom, but maybe not really mom, calm down, it’s a porn game” type with a ridiculous ass bent over the washing machine, the soft-spoken one sitting on the couch with her tits half-slipping out of her top, the one who pretends she’s not checking you out while you pass behind her. It all looks too clean, too posed, like those 3D porn renders you hide behind boring folder names, and the game leans into that. Every scene is like you just paused a premium video at the best moment and then someone told you, “Ok, now unpause and go touch her.”

What I liked is that the seduction is actually slow when it wants to be, then suddenly horny as fuck. You sit at the table, she passes you a drink, her fingers brush your hand, and the camera kind of lingers on her chest when she leans in. Later you’re in her room, “helping” her find something on the floor, your hand ends up on her hip, then a little lower, and she doesn’t pull away. Next thing you know, her ass is pressed into your crotch and you get that choice: be a fake gentleman or push it. Pick the fun option and the game rewards you with those porn-mag angles: your hand under her shirt, thumb grazing her nipple, that slow squeeze while she pretends to protest but her breathing gives her away. They really like teasing here. Like, there’s a scene where you can just stand in the doorway and watch her shower through the slightly open door. The steam, her fingers between her legs, the water sliding over her huge tits, and you’re there like a creep, jerking off quietly with your phone screen lighting your face like some cursed incognito tab. The game actually sold me on the handjob scene more than on some of the full sex stuff: her on her knees, close-up on her lips while she whispers shit she definitely shouldn’t say to a guy who might be related, her hand wrapped around you, playing with the tip, smearing precum with this lazy, confident movement that says she’s done this before. Oral and anal show up too, obviously, and there’s this one anal moment where she tries to pretend it hurts “too much” while still pushing back on you, and the look on her face is that perfect mix of “you’re too big” and “don’t you dare stop.” There are creampies that land exactly where they should, dripping out in these thick strings, and the romance angle kind of sneaks in, because between all the filthy shit she sometimes looks at you like she actually cares who you are, not just what you can do with your tongue. It’s trashy, it’s horny, it’s a little bit wrong on purpose, and it knows exactly which sick little fantasies live on your phone.

Garth is that kind of idiot hero I secretly like. He swings a sword like it’s his first day holding anything sharp, gets distracted by every pair of tits bigger than his helmet, and somehow still ends up being the “chosen one” who has to punch a Lich King in the face. The game throws you into Gronia and just kinda shrugs like: “Yeah, figure it out.” No hand holding, no “go here, do that” on a perfect path. You wander, get lost, hit a random cave thinking it’s a shortcut, and suddenly you’re watching a milf mage push her boobs together around the MC’s cock while making those stupid ahegao faces that somehow work here. One moment you’re picking a turn in combat like a normal RPG, next moment you’re choosing whether to dump a load in her pussy or paint her stomach because your weak willpower stat got bullied by cleavage.

The funny thing is, the whole thing feels a bit janky and that actually helps. Combat is turn based, sure, but the real fight is you trying not to click “romance” every single time instead of “attack.” I spent way too long grinding goblins just to afford some dumb enchanted necklace to impress a barmaid with huge tits, just so I could unlock a scene where she rides Garth so hard the bed squeaks in the text. And yeah, that creampie is described in detail, like “warmth spilling out” and all that, the whole erotic novel treatment. Then right after that, the game just throws a stupid joke about sticky sheets at you like it’s nothing. The humor is actually good, not that forced Reddit stuff. Sometimes the timing is off and a serious moment gets undercut by a horny gag, but honestly, in a world where your main plot is “kill the Lich King while fucking half the population,” it fits. Also, tiny rant: the map icon in the top corner is ugly as hell, and I kept clicking it by accident when I just wanted to skip text, and now I hate that thing with passion and I’m not over it.

The slow-burn romance bits surprised me the most. There’s this older healer woman in one village, proper milf energy, and you don’t just get her naked in two lines. You help with some boring chores, small quests, listen to her talk about the past. At first I was annoyed, like “okay lady, shut up and bend over the table,” but then when the scene finally hits, it hits. She pulls Garth into her room, drops the robe, huge soft breasts bouncing, gets on her knees and gives him a titfuck while whispering how she hasn’t felt a young cock in years. That build-up made the creampie inside her feel earned, not just a random porn gif. And because of the sandbox style, you can totally miss stuff or screw a dialogue choice and lock yourself out of an ending. I stumbled into one “bad” route where the girl I was chasing ended up with somebody else, and the game just went “yeah, tough luck, try another path” instead of rewinding. Pissed me off, but in a good way, like a VN that respects you enough not to babysit. My advice if you jump in: don’t rush from sex scene to sex scene like it’s Pornhub. Wander around, talk to NPCs you’d normally ignore, lose a couple fights in combat just to see what happens, and actually read those flirty lines before you click the option that leads to your dick. That’s when Gronia starts feeling less like a quick wank and more like a horny fantasy world you kinda want to stay in.

New Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher walks into Hogwarts and nobody is ready for what you actually want to “teach”. The school looks normal on the surface, the usual house rivalry, flying brooms, dumb rules about curfew and behavior. But under that, you get this slow, dirty slide where the girls start breaking rules just to get sent to your office. It begins pretty soft, like a regular school sim with a bit of flirting. Then at some point you realize you are basically running your own private corruption project inside Hogwarts and nobody is stopping you. It feels wrong in exactly the way people come to these sites for, and the game knows that very well.

The first time you drag a student into your office for “punishment”, the tone shifts hard. There is this click, when the button goes from normal teacher choice to “bend over my desk” and you just know the story is not going back to innocent territory. Spanking is not just slapped on as a fetish, it actually becomes a language in the game. Ginny acting all fiery and proud until you make her count every hit. Hermione coming in full of rules and books, convinced she can talk her way out, then realizing that every answer that annoys you just means more hits across her ass. That moment when you see her flinch, then slowly start to breathe heavier, and the game lets you push that line from discipline into something she is clearly not supposed to enjoy. It almost feels goofy at times, like some fanfic that went too far after midnight, but then one little text line lands and it suddenly turns really hot again. I hated that I liked it, and honestly I loved that I hated it.

Nothing in the game is really polished. Menus are a bit clunky, pacing sometimes weird, and one event made me click back and forth like an idiot in Chrome because I thought I broke it. But the rough edges sort of make it feel like some forbidden project hidden on a random hard drive, not a shiny Steam thing. One moment you are trying to raise affection, next moment you are trading their dignity for house points like it is the most normal thing in the world. Romance is there too, in this twisted way, especially with Hermione. She does not just flip from pure to slut in one scene; you grind her down slowly, scene by scene, choice by choice, until she starts asking what kind of “extra lessons” you want. Then Bellatrix shows up with her crazy energy and the whole mood shifts again, like the corruption from the school leaks out into something darker and more dangerous. It is messy, horny, unfair, sometimes surprisingly sweet, sometimes just straight up cruel. The story keeps dangling that idea that you are the responsible adult here, while handing you every tool to be anything but.

Wet Sand feels like somebody mashed together a horny Wattpad pirate fanfic with a decent point and click game, then actually bothered to make the sex look hot. You play as Fabian, this "oops I’m a captain now" guy who basically gets thrown onto a ship, surrounded by cutthroats and horny weirdos, and somehow every crisis turns into flirting or someone on their knees. It starts kind of light, just you poking around the ship, clicking barrels, checking cabins, reading little notes, that kind of usual VN rhythm. Then suddenly you’re in a cabin with a monster girl with fins on her hips, and she’s teasing you about being too soft for pirate life while she’s literally licking your cock like it’s some sacred ritual. The game does this a lot: calm scene, bit of worldbuilding, then bam, blowjob with heavy breathing and wet sounds in your headphones. I was playing with Spotify open, then had to slam it off because the moans and gulping felt way more intense than my sad indie playlist. Also, side note, whoever handled the animations likes saliva. A lot. The camera just hangs there on lips, tongue, that string of drool sliding down, and it kind of overstays but also I didn’t skip. Not even once.

The funniest thing is how it pretends to be all "serious pirate adventure" and then keeps nudging you straight into horny trouble. You talk to this one pirate girl who looks almost normal at first, just a bit too pale, long hair, sexy smirk, and then she flashes her teeth and yeah, those are not human. She threatens to eat you and then, of course, decides oral in a totally different sense is better. The game throws in romantic vibes too, like soft candle light, slow talking, some lines that try really hard to be poetic. Sometimes it works and you get this cozy, almost wholesome scene where a monster girl curls around you in the bunk and talks about old gods while stroking your chest. Sometimes it’s cringe as hell but in a charming way, like a horny teenager wrote the dialogue after watching Black Sails on mute. There’s a small moment on deck that stuck with me: you’re choosing how to handle a crew argument, very basic VN choice stuff, and if you pick the more caring option, later one of the girls thanks you by getting on her knees behind some crates while the crew is nearby. That sneaky public-but-not-quite tension hit way harder than the more "epic" scenes with tentacles in the background and ancient statues looking at you. I give Wet Sand the highly scientific award of "Best Use Of A Ship’s Storage Room To Suck A Captain Dry" because that cramped little space ends up way more memorable than the giant god scenes.

What I liked is that it doesn’t pretend to be classy. The romance is there, yeah, but the game knows you’re here for pirates and monster girls deepthroating the captain until he forgets his own name. Sometimes the pacing just collapses, like you go from talking about fate and curses, to two seconds later staring at jiggling tits bouncing in a loop while she moans your name, and it feels like the story lost its train of thought as badly as you did. But somehow that fits. The fantasy world feels lived in, even if half the lore is delivered between spits of cum and sloppy kisses. There’s a scene where the girl wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, laughs, and casually goes, "Captain, the sea took your fear, but I’ll take something better," and it sounds corny written down, but in context, with the animation and her eyes shining a bit too bright, it just clicks. I kept thinking, "this is trashy," while clicking to the next sex scene as fast as possible. That contradiction kind of is the mood of the whole thing. Wet Sand is messy, horny, sometimes dumb, sometimes weirdly tender, and it keeps shoving you into the role of this clueless guy who stumbles from pirate drama to monster girl oral like it’s the most natural path.