There is this pretty ordinary looking bar game that kind of pretends to be about “business” and “renovation” and whatever, but honestly it is about staring at hot women in tight clothes while pretending you care about paint colors. You play this guy who comes back to his hometown to reopen his dad’s old place, and right away the game starts mixing that “I want to make my father proud” vibe with “I want to fuck basically everyone who lives under this roof”. Very Greek tragedy, if Euripides had a Pornhub premium account. The whole thing feels like a visual novel that accidentally read too much Bukowski and then watched hentai compilations on Twitter. Most scenes are from the hero’s POV so you’re not just watching, you are literally stuck behind his eyes while he tries not to stare at asses and obviously fails. It’s that slow teasing that gets you: brushing against a thigh “by accident”, a too-long hug in the kitchen, a towel slipping just enough when she bends to pick something, the camera angle doing 90% of the work.

The game likes to pretend it’s romantic, and sometimes it really is. There are these quiet moments where you sit with the MILF character on the couch, she talks about regrets and age and the bar’s past, and you almost forget you spent the previous scene with your hand on her ass while she “helped” you clean the counter. Then it goes from emotional to horny in one line of dialogue. You’ll be talking about invoices and suddenly you are in the stockroom, her back against the crates, your hand under her shirt, groping her tits while she bites her lip and tries not to moan too loud because someone might walk by. The animations sell it pretty hard: hands actually squeeze, hips grind, mouths open and drool a bit when they lose control. First time you push a girl to a messy ahegao during a handjob and she looks half broken, half delighted, it’s like some weird crossover between Joyce’s stream of consciousness and “oh shit, she’s actually into this”. The voyeurism stuff sneaks up on you too; one night you wander the house, see a door slightly open, and you can just stand there and watch her on her bed, fingers buried between her thighs, whispering your name while you do nothing but breathe. Or you do something. The game lets you decide if you stay in the shadows jerking off silently, or you step inside and end up with her mouth full of you, warm spit running down your shaft while she stares up, eyes watering, waiting for that mouthful of cum like some bizarre holy communion.

Sex scenes escalate in a way that feels messy and human instead of clinical. The first time you finally fuck one of them, it is not Olympic porn star performance. It starts with awkward kissing, some shy oral where she tries to take you deeper and gags, pulls back with tears in her eyes and then insists she wants it again. You get that clumsy first vaginal sex where she’s still technically a virgin and keeps telling you to go slow, nails digging in your shoulders when you push in all the way. Later she’s riding you on a barstool, panties pushed to the side, your cock sliding in and out while you try to keep quiet because, yes, the front door is not locked. Anal comes in as this “we really shouldn’t” moment after she’s already dripping from regular sex; you spit in your hand, rub her tight little hole, she curses you in that half joking way and then you press in and feel her whole body shiver in the animation. Creampies happen a lot, probably more than is medically responsible. You finish inside, watch the cum slowly leak out of her swollen pussy, sometimes from her ass, sometimes filling her mouth until she gives you that stupid happy ahegao face and swallows with a loud gulp. There’s humour everywhere, dumb jokes about drink names while her hand is stroking you under the counter, flirting that feels like those horny Discord servers where everyone pretends to be ironic and then starts cybering anyway. It’s not subtle, it’s not elegant, it’s just this strange mix of romance, filth, and renovation spreadsheets that somehow works until you catch yourself caring which wall you paint while replaying the memory of her moaning your name in your head.

Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

Christmas porn games almost never hit me in the right way. Mostly some lazy elf tits and a looped jingle that makes you want to mute your whole PC. This one actually felt like somebody drunk and horny tried to write a cheesy holiday romcom and then kept adding filth on top until it turned into a mess that somehow works. You show up in your hometown with this whole “I will fix my dad’s bar, I will be serious adult entrepreneur now” idea in your head, and five minutes later you’re basically Santa’s pervy helper, stuck in a house with three women who all have different ways to fuck with your brain and your dick. One is that soft “I remember when you were a cute kid” type, but now she bends over in yoga pants and you get these POV angles like the dev wants you to suffer. Another one is clearly trouble, all flirting and teasing, sitting on your lap “as a joke” while you try not to nut in your pants. The last one has that older woman energy, like she’s tired of the world, but every time she gives you that half smile you just know she’d ride you slow while drinking wine and pretending it’s nothing.

What I liked is how it mixes horny and stupid little holiday moments. One scene I had the dude sneaking out at night, spying through a cracked door while one of them is in this cheap sexy Santa outfit, touching herself on the couch with the tree lights blinking behind her. It’s dirty and kind of romantic at same time, which pisses me off because I came to jerk off and now my feelings are in the way. Maybe I’m just weak. The game throws these choices at you like “be a decent guy” or “grab that ass right now” and I swear sometimes the “good” choice feels more perverted because the camera lingers longer when you try to hold back. There is a handjob in front of the Christmas tree that escalates into a full blowjob and a messy mouth finish, and the way she looks up with that ahegao face is so over the top I actually laughed. Then kept clicking. Then hated myself a bit. And then clicked more. I tried to play it cool and go for slow romance at first, but the first time she presses that warm thigh against the MC under a blanket while snow falls outside, it’s like the game whispers “you’re not here for emotional growth, shut up and click the lewd choice.”

Sex scenes feel like a reward and also like a punishment. You get those nice close shots when you finally push into her, and the animation is not perfect at all, sometimes the movement looks kind of stiff, but that almost turns me on more, because it feels like a dirty fan project instead of some glossy studio thing. There is vaginal, there is anal if you push things far and play your cards like a little manipulative shit, there is this Christmas morning moment where she wakes you up with a slow blowjob that turns into you painting her face like it’s a “special gift,” and yeah, I screenshotted that. On the other side, some pacing is weird: one minute you’re having a pretty honest chat about your dead dad and the weight of the bar, next minute she’s grinding on your lap in leggings, moaning in your ear, and you’re choosing between creampie and pulling out on her back. I kinda wish the game let you be more of a voyeur for longer before things go full-on porn, but it rushes sometimes, then drags in random spots like a drunk Santa stuck in a chimney. Also there is this one Christmas jingle that loops a bit too much and now it lives rent free in my brain, like a cursed TikTok sound. Still, when she leans in, whispers she’s never done it like this before, and you watch her stretched around you from that tight POV angle, with the garland lights flickering on her skin, you forget all small problems and just go along, like an idiot who came home to fix a bar and ended up fucking half the holiday spirit instead.

Rotten city, busted neon, dead things screaming somewhere you don’t wanna look, and in the middle of that mess you’ve got this guy who still thinks with his dick half the time. That’s the vibe here. It’s not heroic, not clean, not “sexy apocalypse” like some gacha trash on mobile. It feels closer to those old grimy doujin games from the early 2000s, the ones that looked a bit cheap but had that weird soul. You walk around making choices that actually screw you over. One second you’re trying to save ammo, next second you’re pinned between a broken wall and something hungry and not exactly human. And the game just calmly gives you the option to grab a milf survivor with a huge ass and use her as a distraction, or risk yourself like some wannabe hero. The sex doesn’t come out of nowhere; it slides in when you’re already tense, like your brain is confused between fear and horniness. Kinda like watching an old guro OVA but then there’s soft tits bouncing in front of your face and you forget you’re supposed to be scared.

The big thing for me is how dirty the intimacy feels without going full edgy teen nonsense. You’ve got this thick milf with wide hips trying to keep morale up, teasing the MC to calm him down, letting him stare when she changes clothes behind half-broken blinds, pretending she doesn’t notice. There’s a scene where she’s leaning over a dusty sink, water barely running, washing blood off her hands, and you catch the reflection of her big tits moving in the cracked mirror. You can pretend you’re a gentleman and look away, or stay there, just watching, crotch getting tight while something crawls outside the door. Later she calls you out on it, very quiet, half smiling, half pissed, and depending on what you say she either lets you grope her against a boarded-up window or walks off and you end up jerking yourself in a dark corner, listening to undead moaning through the walls while you try not to groan too loud. That masturbation scene hit weirdly hard, actually, because it reminded me of sneaking eroge on an old CRT monitor, volume at 2, scared parents would hear, except here it’s monsters instead. The group sex stuff hits at the worst possible times, like when everyone’s half insane from stress and a monster attack just ended, bodies shaking, and suddenly you’re shoving your cock into a wet cunt while somebody else fills her ass, her voice cracking between sobs and pleasure. It’s hot, fucked up, sometimes too much, sometimes weirdly tender, and it never really stops feeling like you’re peeking at something you shouldn’t see. The horror is actually scary in some parts, which makes the lesbian shower scene behind fogged glass even more intense, the way their fingers slip between each other’s legs while they argue about whether they should just give up on being “good people” anymore. It’s not polished at all, animations are a bit stiff, some faces look strange in a frame or two, but honestly that almost helps. Like old 3dcg H-games that tried their best on a shitty PC, where the jank makes it feel more personal. I kept thinking I’d quit after one nut, but I kept clicking, just to see who breaks first, the monsters or the last bits of human decency in that house. Spoiler, it’s the panties. Every time.