You start out as this total nobody who smells more like a stable than a royal bedroom, and somehow you end up wearing a young noble’s clothes that definitely cost more than your whole miserable life. It feels a bit like borrowing someone’s expensive Steam account and hoping they never log in again. One minute you’re just trying not to starve, next minute you’re sitting at a fancy medieval court pretending you know which spoon to use while your dick is trying to salute every pair of tits in the hall. And there are a lot of tits. Big, soft, gravity-challenging tits stuffed into tight dresses that were clearly not designed by someone thinking about “modesty”.

The game basically throws you into this court full of horny problems. You’ve got sharp-tongued noble ladies, a redhead who looks like she could stab you or ride you, maybe both, blondes whose boobs arrive in the room three seconds before the rest of their body, and that one proper-looking girl who blushes hard when you say something dirty but doesn’t actually walk away. You move scene to scene like a visual novel, picking choices, trying to sound like a real noble while secretly thinking about what those huge asses look like out of the gown. Some scenes are all politics and “my lord, the harvest this, the taxes that”, and then you blink and suddenly the count’s niece is on your lap, breast pressed in your face, asking if all commoners are as “strong” as you. That particular achievement should be called “From Beggar To Boobjob in 5 Dialog Options”.

It looks more like a fantasy porn comic than a game sometimes, with these 3D-style images where the curves are turned up to eleven. The girls have those big round asses that stretch the fabric so much you’re sure the seams are one hip sway away from turning into a live sex show. I kept pausing just to stare at the way the light hits the side of a tit popping out of a corset. Someone clearly spent too long sculpting nipples. Not that I’m complaining. Ok, I’m complaining a bit: there’s this one background that repeats in a couple scenes and every time I noticed the same stupid candle on a table and it pulled my brain out of the moment for half a second. Anyway.

Best moments happen when the game makes you choose between being a smooth fake noble or a greedy bastard. One path, you talk nice, keep your disguise safe, slowly build romance with a girl who actually trusts you. Next path, you go full perv, corner the busty blonde in a quiet corridor, and let the “wrong” choice lead to her on her knees with her dress half off and lipstick smeared across your cock. I liked how a small choice in a boring court talk suddenly unlocks a filthy scene much later. Like, there was this time I backed up a certain lady in a land dispute just because her cleavage distracted me, and much later she “rewarded” my loyalty by riding me in a barn, moaning loud enough the horses probably got jealous. On another run I pissed her off and that whole route just died quietly, which hurt more than it should.

The writing swings between playful flirting and straight-up porn dialogue. One minute you’re talking about alliances between houses, next minute she’s gasping “fill me up, my lord” while her huge breasts bounce in detailed CG. It’s kind of funny how serious the story pretends to be when everybody is just a few lines away from getting railed. And yeah, you do get that sweet “I might actually care about her” romance feeling with some of the girls, right before the scene turns into a sweaty tangle of limbs, cum and messy hair. If you’re the kind of player who tries to see every ending, this thing is like a maze of boobs, choices and save files. My advice: abuse multiple saves like a degenerate archivist, chase every suspicious dialog option that sounds like it might lead behind a locked bedroom door, and never trust a redhead offering you wine while sitting a little too close.

Stormhill looks fancy at first, all gold roofs and clean streets, but the game makes it feel dirty in a good way pretty fast. You’re the spoiled heir everyone secretly hates, walking through this city like you own every brick, and yeah, you kind of do. But the best parts are when that rich boy attitude crashes right into raw, sweaty street sex. One moment you’re being polite in some high-class hall, the next you’ve got a girl with ridiculous tits bent over a balcony while the whole district is right under you. The camera loves to sit a bit back, like it’s peeking, so half the time you feel like a creep watching your own scenes. There’s this bit early on where you corner a girl who pretends she’s too proud for you, all noble and cold, and then two lines later she has your cock in her mouth, mascara smudging while you hold her head and just use her throat. I thought it would feel generic, but the way she slowly stops pushing your hands away and starts going deeper on her own… yeah, that stuck in my head way too long. I still hate the font they use in the dialogue though. It’s stupidly small on mobile and I keep squinting, then forgetting I was even mad once her ass jiggles again in the next animation.

What really works is how the “gang building” thing is just an excuse to collect a harem that all needs to be put in their place. They say you’re trying to escape your father’s control, but half your choices are about how hard you’re going to control everyone else. There’s this scene in a dusty warehouse where you’re “negotiating” with a rival’s girl. Negotiation ends with her pinned against some crates, panties pushed to the side, and you sliding into her while she’s still trying to talk big. You grab her tits, they’re huge and soft, and you can watch the exact second she breaks, legs wrapping around you while you pound her ass so hard the boxes behind her start shaking. The game lets you choose to finish in her or pull out, but be honest, nobody is pulling out here. The creampie close-ups are stupidly detailed, like the camera gets almost too close, cum leaking back out while she’s still trembling and whispering your name. Later, there’s an alley scene where you’re supposed to just watch two side girls fool around, licking each other and grinding, and I swear I was planning to keep it “romantic”, then the option to join pops up and suddenly you’re shoving your dick into one while the other sits on your face. I think I hated that scene. Yeah. Totally hated it. The anal bits hit harder than I expected too, especially one rooftop moment where you press a girl against the railing, slide into her pussy first, get her all wet and noisy, then slowly push into her ass while she claws at the stone and begs you not to stop. It’s rough, it’s messy, and the game loves to linger on your hands groping every curve like they belong to you already. I opened it “just to test it” on my phone while waiting for a food delivery, and fifteen minutes later I’m hunched over my screen, thumb tapping through dialogue, completely forgetting I even ordered anything. The story tries to play deep with empires and politics and all that, but it honestly works better when it drops the serious act and just lets you be the absolute bastard king of a city full of big tits, big asses, and mouths that keep saying no while their bodies do something very different.

Game starts in that slow, sweaty way where you think it will just be training and grinding stats with your sensei, and then suddenly everything goes to hell. Two royal looking bitches crash into the dojo, collars and heels and smug faces, and you barely have time to breathe before you and your teacher are chained up like trophies. The story pretends to be about “rescuing your sensei” but most of the time it feels like you are the one who keeps getting captured, toyed with, pushed around. Which is good. And horrible. And good again.

Every new zone feels like walking into another woman’s fantasy of power. One world is all silk and red curtains, older women lounging around like bored queens, judging your body with lazy eyes while they decide if you’re going to be a servant or a toy. Another one is cold stone, iron cages, boots echoing on the floor while some empress type makes you kneel just to talk to her. The game really loves that moment where a woman leans close, voice soft, and tells you exactly how small and pathetic you are, then uses your dick anyway like it is royal property. If you like being in control, you’re going to hate this. Unless you don’t. I tried to play “dominant” the first run, choosing the most defiant answers, and the game almost laughed at me. One milf slapped my choices away with a single line and pinned my arms like they were decoration, rode me like she was proving a point, then called it “training” with this mock-sweet smile that actually made my stomach twist.

The 3D models are messy in a way I ended up kind of liking. Tits are big but not all perfectly symmetrical, faces change expression mid scene in slightly off timing, physics sometimes look like they are drunk, yet it all fits this weird dream feeling. There is one empress with this strict haircut and huge chest who leans too close during interrogation and her nipple clips through the armor a bit. It annoyed me, then suddenly I could not stop staring only there, reloading the scene in incognito Chrome like a complete idiot. The adventure bits are surprisingly not lazy: walking through ruined temples, desert palaces, corrupted gardens, picking choices, losing fights on purpose because you want to see what humiliating thing they do when you fail. Combat is not deep, you mash through and then you lose or win, but the punishment scenes carry it. One of my favorite moments was getting captured by a “priestess” who looked gentle at first, then strapped me to some ritual thing and edged me while reciting sacred lines about male obedience, only letting me cum when I begged in a way she liked. Another time, an older queen made me lick the dirt from her heel before she even allowed any nudity, which felt oddly more intense than the full-on sex that came later. Not everything hits: a couple of zones feel like filler, one character just loops the same “I own you” line until it loses bite, and the pacing around the middle drags because you walk too long between scenes. But then you meet another cold eyed ruler who treats your whole heroic quest like a joke, sits on your face like you are just furniture, and suddenly you forget you were annoyed five minutes ago. The game keeps doing that. It stumbles, then grabs your hair and pulls you right back into it.

Vault 69 feels like somebody took a Fallout parody, spilled a full Pornhub search history on it, and then said “yeah ok, this is the plot now”. You play as the only useful dick in an underground vault that ran out of common sense and condoms at the same time. The Overseer basically pats you on the shoulder and says “go breed, champ”, while the whole place is full of desperate, half-broken, half-horny people that somehow still find time to argue about rations and power supply. It’s not subtle. It’s not trying to be smart. It just throws you into a post-apoc mess where your cock is both resource and weapon. You walk around the vault, talk to girls who are clearly one bad day from snapping, and every choice is like a weird mix of dating sim and HR management, if HR was about who gets to swallow and who only gets it up the ass.

What I liked is that the game doesn’t pretend sex is soft or romantic. It’s rough, dirty, and sometimes a little fucked up in the head. You’ve got big-titted slaves, “volunteers” that are clearly not okay, raiders topside who think “negotiation” means forcing the protagonist to prove his value by breaking in new captives. One scene had me trying a pickup line like “Let’s save humanity together” and the girl actually laughed at me before forcing me to go down on her as “practice” for future breeding candidates. Another time I tried a more aggressive line, something like “Bend over the desk, I’m tired of talking”, and she just locked the door and went full dom on me instead, using my face on the chair and calling it “evaluation”. The game loves flipping your expectations like that. Sometimes your cheesy line works and opens a new hardcore scene, sometimes it gets you punched, sometimes it triggers a weird management event about population stress where you’re suddenly filling forms after filling holes. And yeah, those stupid little stat prompts that pop up on screen, they feel like Excel sheet made horny. I hated it. I also kind of liked it. I don’t know.

Outside the vault it gets nastier and funnier at the same time. You meet wasteland chicks who are way more dangerous than the gun they’re holding, and somehow the dialogue still makes room for cringe pickup attempts. Had a moment where I tried to be smooth with a raider girl, something like “You look like trouble, I like trouble”, and she just put a boot on my chest and told me I’ll “earn the pussy” by bringing her slaves to trade. Next thing I know, I’m back in the vault doing this awkward loop of cold resource management and hot, brutal sex, trying to decide who gets treated like a person and who gets used like equipment. The violence can be a bit much sometimes, honestly, but the world is so broken it weirdly fits. I wish there were more soft scenes where characters just fuck for fun, not duty, but this setting is not really about cozy cuddling anyway. It’s about mouths full, asses sore, power plays everywhere, and you stuck in the middle pretending your shitty pickup lines are actually saving civilization. At least when I alt-tabbed to check Discord after a particularly harsh anal scene, my brain needed a second to remember that in real life, people don’t usually ask “What’s your breeding quota today?” so I guess the immersion works a little too well.