This thing calls itself “Life is Vanilla” but it’s really that messy, horny, half-true story everyone swears they’ll never tell in public, then dumps in a group chat after three beers. You’re in control of this awkward 18-year-old guy who talks big, watches way too much porn on his phone, and still loses eye contact whenever a girl actually pulls her top halfway up. It has that vibe of early uni convention season, where you’re juggling class, cheap weed, cosplay plans and wondering how the hell other people are already fucking in bathroom stalls while you’re arguing about Marvel canon. The tone jumps a lot: one moment it’s goofy jokes and dumb memes, then suddenly you’re watching your character get his first handjob in a cramped room and the camera just stays there, way too intimate, like you accidentally opened someone’s private Snapchat. It’s all 3D styled in a way that sometimes looks hot as hell and sometimes looks like everyone got slightly too much botox, but somehow that kinda fits the awkward sex energy. And yes, there is a lot of focus on big tits and big asses, not “tasteful” or subtle, more like the game knows exactly why most people click it.

What actually works for me is how it treats virginity and cheating in the same universe without pretending to be moral about it. Early on you’re still a clueless virgin who freaks out when a girl starts slow teasing, grinding on your lap while still fully dressed, just her shirt riding up and your brain short-circuits. Then later, you’re in these situations where some girl who absolutely should not be touching you is doing it anyway, like a “I have a boyfriend but he’s boring” type, sliding her hand into your pants while she keeps talking about totally normal stuff so no one notices. The game doesn’t pause to judge her, it just lets you enjoy the fucked up thrill. There is a scene in a shared apartment kitchen that really stuck with me, the kind of fake-casual exhibitionism where she “accidentally” bends over a bit too far, no panties, pretending to search a lower cabinet while the MC is desperately hiding his boner behind a cereal box. It makes group sex later on feel like a natural train wreck of all the small bad decisions. Of course there’s oral, creampies, clothes coming off in the worst possible order, that thing where a girl spits on your cock first and smiles like she just discovered a cheat code. Weirdly, the only thing that really annoyed me was one shirt texture on a side girl’s outfit that looked cheap as hell. I kept staring at it every time she stripped, which is the most unsexy complaint to have, but it just pulled me out of it and then I’d forget what line I was even reading in the scene. Anyway, it all plays like someone’s overconfident memory of their youth, mixed with shit that obviously didn’t happen, and that chaotic mix is kind of the whole charm, even when it’s trying way too hard and somehow not trying at all at the same time.

Guy gets flattened by discount Truck-kun, respawns in horny Narnia, and the first thing the gods hand him is not wisdom or justice, it’s a cock and plot armor. That’s basically the energy here. You start as this broke college grad who literally failed at life, then wake up in Evenralm where everyone has either massive tits, a perfect ass, pointy ears, horns, or some combo of all three, and nobody owns a bra that actually fits. The world looks like one of those fantasy gacha ads where you pretend you’re there for “story” while one-handed scrolling on your phone. Except here you’re the main character, not the guy who dies in the prologue to motivate someone else. You walk into a random village and every girl talks to you like you’re the only male protagonist on the server. Which, to be fair, you kinda are.

It sells itself as Harem King journey, but the real plot is “how many girls can I accidentally seduce while pretending I’m saving the world from the Demon Lord”. You go from “I can’t pay rent” to “I guess I have to share a campfire with elf mage with big tits and dragon girl with stupidly big ass, oh no, what a tragedy”. Routes feel like scuffed dating sim logic: give wrong answer, girl still blushes, give right answer, she blushes harder and suddenly you’re getting a blowjob behind a tavern after some “training” quest. The animated scenes are the kind where the dev definitely paused a lot of JAV to get angles right. Mouths actually move on oral scenes, hips grind properly during vaginal, thighs jiggle in that “the physics are almost too honest” way. Sometimes the MC talks in the middle of sex and you’re like “shut up dude, nobody came here for your motivational speech”, but then the camera pulls in on an elf riding you like she’s trying to erase your spine and your brain forgives everything again. There’s this one camp scene where half your party is asleep and one of the girls sneaks into your bed, climbs on top, and the only sound is her wet squelch and those tiny gasps, and I swear the text box could have been blank and it still would work. The funny part is I kept telling myself “I’ll just check one more event” and three boss fights later I’m min-maxing affection points like some horny accountant. If you want the good stuff, be weirdly nice in dialog, always pick the slightly pervy joke, and never skip “optional” side quests, because that’s where the thickest scenes hide. Treat every fetch quest like foreplay and every camp chat like a chance to unlock another girl sitting on your face. Do that and the game basically rewards you for being a patient little degenerate.

Game hits you in a funny soft spot right away: you’re this dude sneaking out of engineering into art like it’s some kind of perverted witness protection program. That feeling when you pretend to be “normal” nerd and all you really wanna do is draw pretty boys with stockings and girls with hard cocks sitting on your face? Yeah, they bottled that. Classrooms feel more like stages than actual school, every desk and easel is just a possible place to bend someone over. I kept thinking “this is exactly the kind of college I wish I fucked up my life in.”

What really got me is how erotic the whole art thing becomes. Not just sex slapped on top of story. You’re sketching, they’re posing, and slowly the poses stop being safe. A “tasteful nude study” turns into “can you open your legs more, I need to see the angle of your… spine.” There is this one moment where the childhood friend thinks she’s helping you “practice anatomy” and suddenly she is on her knees, hand around your cock, asking if she is holding it right for the drawing. Of course you don’t draw. Of course you shove that sketchbook aside and let her slobber on you. And the game actually makes the scene feel like it came from your little pervert artist brain, not from a porn script copy paste. Animations are not perfect but they wiggle just enough. Hip movement, fingers sliding, tongue flexing over the tip during oral. I watched a simple handjob way too long just because of how her thumb kept teasing that one spot like she was bored and mean at the same time. Tiny detail, but I couldn’t stop staring.

Then there is the femboys and traps and futa stuff that kinda crawls up on you. At first you look at this “cute boy” in class and think “ah, standard pretty twink, I know this gacha.” Then the game pulls the shirt a bit higher, the skirt a bit shorter, and you notice the outline that is not really hiding anything. There is an exhibitionism scene where this soft, shy “guy” is pushed into posing for you after hours in the empty studio, naked except for a collar, and instead of being embarrassed you are the one sweating, trying to keep the brush still while his cock twitches every time you step closer. It feels cruel and kind at the same time. Humiliation and praise mixing like bad cocktails. And when the power flips, when you are the one on your knees under the table, sucking while someone explains color theory above you, it hits that heavy fetish vibe hard. The game doesn’t bother to explain why the protagonist suddenly agrees to be choked with a belt during anal, it just puts you there, cheeks pressed against cold floor, someone’s foot on your head, and your brain goes “yeah, okay, this makes sense actually.”

I also liked that domination is not stuck in one lane. One scene you are pinning a smaller boy against the lockers, hand under his skirt, groping his ass until he whimpers and pushes back, pretending he doesn’t like it. Next, a tall girl with “I own this place” eyes drags you into the storage room, orders you to take out your cock and strokes you so slow it feels like torture, spitting on it, smirking when you leak all over her fingers. She makes you hold the door while she rides you, whispering that if anyone hears, it’s your fault. The game jumps between male and female domination like it can’t decide what gets you more: being used or using someone. Sometimes it even blends, like that threesome where a futa girl fucks you from behind while you jerk off a femboy in front, your body just a bridge between two horny monsters. You feel like art supplies. Like a brush and canvas at the same time.

I wish the dialogue was less “anime horny” in a few scenes, it leans a bit too much into cheesy lines that no real person would say with their mouth full of dick, but then there is this one brutal little bdsm moment where someone tells you “you’re only good for making me cum” and it cuts deep enough to forget all the cheesy stuff. Some camera angles feel a bit stiff, then a random shot of fingers spreading slick cheeks or lips grazing the tip in close-up suddenly looks like something straight from a high quality clip I’d save on my phone next to my secret Pinterest board of ropes and stockings. The whole thing feels like a messy sketchbook full of porn doodles that someone grew into a real game: uneven, kind of clumsy, but dripping with ideas. Makes you wanna grab your tablet, open Procreate, and start drawing collars and blushing traps until your hand gets tired for a very different reason. Dare to open it in a quiet room and see how long you last before alt-tabbing to Pornhub “for research.”

Caelus here is not the soft idiot from canon. The game basically asks, "What if the Trailblazer actually used all that cosmic bullshit to do the one thing everyone writes in fanfic but Hoyoverse pretends doesn’t exist?" and then never pulls back. Nanook is not some gloomy destruction god, he is straight up horny cosmic troll, like a drunk Archive of Our Own tag come to life. Plot is thin in a good way: every excuse to bend another Star Rail girl, and sometimes literally, into whatever shape your pervy little brain asked for the first time you saw her on a limited banner and thought “yeah I’d roll on that.”

What works weirdly well is how the game treats the whole “canon vs fanon” thing. Half the scenes feel like they were ripped straight from those long smut fics where the author clearly has a spreadsheet for everyone’s kinks. You know those 70k word monsters that start “slow burn” and then chapter 3 is already double penetration and mind control? Same energy here. One minute you are talking about Aeons and Paths, next minute Nanook just snaps reality and suddenly a proud Valkyrie type is on her knees giving this messy, noisy blowjob that would get a Twitch VOD nuked on sight. Then the scene pretends like nothing happened and jumps back to sci fi chatter. It feels wrong in a fun way. Or maybe in a stupid way. I liked it anyway.

The sex itself hits pretty much every checkbox people keep sneaking into tags: sloppy oral that really leans into the sounds, handjobs with way too much focus on fingers and precum, anal scenes where the camera insists on hanging on that first push a bit too long, and then stuff like footjobs that come out of nowhere. I mean it, you are casually abusing some broken mind controlled girl for exhibition in a public corridor, and suddenly she is using her feet like it is the most natural thing in the galaxy, with Nanook commenting in your head like a hentai Reddit thread. It is over the top and sometimes kind of dumb, but in a charming “this is clearly made by a guy who knows every Honkai subtag on Rule34.xxx” sort of way. The harem idea is full power, too. Caelus walks around like the universe itself is his brothel, and the girls, even when they resist at first, end up folded into this obedient, fucked-out collection entirely under his control. The mind control is not subtle. He rewrites them to love being toys, to show off outside with clothes barely hanging on, to beg him to use every hole in the worst moments, during missions, in front of cameras, whatever. And yet in the middle of all that excess, I got really annoyed that one small VFX on a cumshot looked like cheap soap. It bothered me the whole time and yeah, the game never fixes it.

What surprised me is how casually the game mixes sci fi nonsense and raw filth. You get “superpowers” here but not for saving worlds. Caelus uses cosmic energy to freeze time just to keep a girl’s mouth wrapped around his cock at the perfect angle, or to hold her asshole open while he decides if he wants to go back to her pussy or not. Sometimes reality bends so hard two girls exist in the same “moment” giving alternate versions of the same scene, one obedient, one still fighting, and you can flip your attention back and forth like changing tabs in Chrome. It sounds fancy, but in practice you are just clicking through dialogue while the game finds new ways to show spit, tears, ruined makeup and gaping. There is this one exhibition bit where a character is pretended to be fully in charge in front of a crowd, proper captain pose, and then in the next “layer” she is actually riding Caelus, forced to keep a perfect public speech while getting filled and emptied again and again. It is clever. Or maybe it is trash. Kind of both. Fantasy fans will notice half the lore is slightly off too. Some names are wrong, affiliations twisted, like the developer half remembered wiki pages and then said “eh, who cares, she is naked now.” Honestly, they were right.

If you ever read a “what if the Stellaron messed with their libido instead of destiny” fic and thought the author chickened out before the real filth, this is that same story but the brakes got removed, burned, and then fucked.