Samus already had my attention when I saw “lost a fight” and “humiliated in front of everyone” in one line. It hits that really trashy fantasy button where the strong, proud heroine just gets absolutely ruined, and yeah, it’s messed up and that’s why I clicked. You start right after she’s beaten, all suited up in that iconic armor, but it’s useless now, she’s not the badass bounty hunter here, just a toy. Crowd around, arena vibe, like a twisted Smash Bros match that nobody on Twitch is allowed to see. Charizard is not some cute little fire lizard here, he’s a full on hentai monster with a cock way too big for any kind of real logic, and the game doesn’t pretend to be realistic. That part I liked, actually. If I’m watching Samus get *** by a dragon, I’m not here for realism anyway.

What really got me was how they lean hard into the anal angle first, like her ass is the main event, not just a bonus. She’s bending over, still wearing parts of that blue suit, ass exposed, trying to keep her dignity, while this huge dragon pokes his head between her cheeks, and she knows exactly what’s going to happen. There’s no soft romance build up, no “are you sure?” Just raw domination. He shoves into her ass in one brutal push, and you get this kind of ugly, hot mix of pain and forced pleasure. She’s trying to keep her face strong but you see the moment her eyes roll a bit, and that fucked me up in a good way. She was always this cold, untouchable blonde warrior and now she’s gasping and moaning while this Pokémon breaks her backdoor. You get pussy shots too, with his balls slapping against her, wetness dripping even though storywise she “should” hate it, and that dirty contradiction made it hotter for me. I say I prefer consent, but then I’m here jerking to a dragon pounding Samus until she can’t stand. So I don’t know, my morals are a bit lost.

Later he flips her, uses her pussy too, and that’s when the whole “won’t stop until he cums inside” part really kicks in. You see his fat tip stretching her, sliding in and out, Samus biting her lip and shaking, like she wants to push him away but her legs stay open anyway. They really make the creampie feel like a goal: his thrusts get faster, her voice gets more desperate and high pitched, and when he finally unloads, it just spills out of her, both from her ass and her pussy, white dripping everywhere, like he’s marking a new territory right in the middle of a Nintendo arena. It’s nasty in a very specific way, like watching your childhood cartridges get thrown in a blender full of porn mags. I kinda wish they played a silly Smash announcer voice in the background saying something like “Samus defeated!” or whatever, but they don’t, and I kept waiting for some little game sound that never came. Even so, the whole thing feels like a dirty secret page torn from a hentai doujin you shouldn’t be reading at all, but you keep going back to it when horny and lonely and tired of swiping left on fucking Tinder. Honestly, if your brain is wired like mine where “strong blonde space hunter gets turned into a breeding toy by a giant dragon” pushes your buttons, this thing crawls under your skin in the worst possible way and refuses to leave.

This one feels like someone took a horny sketchbook from a convention hotel room and just clicked “play”. No build up, no romance, just straight to cartoon creatures fucking, like your childhood monster-catching games got drunk and took their clothes off. As a lingerie designer I was watching it with my usual brain turned on, thinking, ok, what kind of body is this, what kind of mood, how would I dress this girl on top if I had to sell panties inspired by her. And then, ten seconds later, I am not thinking about lace anymore, only about how hard she is riding him. The girl-on-top energy is strong here. She is not shy, not soft, more like “shut up, lie down, I’m using you”, which I appreciate a lot. It has that raw fan-art vibe: not much story, not much context, just “you know these creatures, now see them fuck”. For me that works, because I already have nostalgia for this universe, all those evenings with Game Boy and later pretending I’m too adult for that while still scrolling Pokémon and Digimon fanart on Instagram.

The actual “game” part is tiny, but kind of like playing with straps on a bra: you have just a few sliders, and if you know what you like, that’s enough. You take control of the pace, move from slow grind to fast pounding, then decide when to let him cum. It is basically a creampie simulator with decision of “how desperate do I want her hips to look before he explodes”. When she drops her weight on him and you push speed up, it hits that nice point between funny and filthy. There is this moment where her tail flicks a bit and her tits bounce off rhythm, and I paused like, ok, that’s the pose I want in a lookbook, but maybe not with cum dripping out. Or maybe yes. I keep saying I want more options, like position changes, different partners, maybe some teasing, but at the same time, if they added more, it would lose that dumb, quick, “I’m horny, click-click, cumshot, bye” feeling that actually makes it charming. Colors are bright in that Saturday-morning-cartoon way, which clashes hard with the very not-child-friendly pounding, and that clash is exactly why my brain stays awake. I do wish the sound design had a bit more depth, the moans sometimes feel like they come from TikTok instead of a thick furry girl riding like she means it, and the loop is short enough that my designer side starts noticing tiny things, like how her back arch could be stronger or how the male body feels less cared about than her curves.

Still, if you go in like it’s a one-night stand with a familiar fantasy, it treats you right. Don’t expect romance, don’t expect complex choices or big evolution trees. It’s more like: pick your pace, watch this hungry little monster girl milk him, enjoy the sticky finish, close the tab, pretend you were answering emails on Gmail. Best way to get the most out of it? Take your time the first run, start slower than you think, watch how her expression shifts when you build the rhythm instead of smashing max speed from the start. Then, next round, go completely feral and crank everything up just to see how messy you can force that final creampie to feel. Play with it like you play with lingerie in a fitting room: twist, adjust, pull the straps a bit too far, see what breaks. Here nothing breaks, only he does. And that’s kind of the whole point.

Con-Quest is one of those horny little browser things that looks kind of silly at first, then three minutes later you’re way too invested in whether some half-naked Pikachu cosplayer is going to stomp you or blow you a kiss. It plays like an RPG that forgot to be serious, which is good, but if you care about accessibility like I do, it also kinda forgot blind and low-vision players exist. The whole game is just walls of small bright text on bright backgrounds, no text size slider, no contrast options, no colorblind presets, nothing. I tried zooming in with Chrome and Firefox, had to keep dragging the screen around like some weird porn spreadsheet. And yeah, I know, you came here to jerk off, not to read a UI audit, but still. When Vanilla storms around the convention hunting the money thief, you get these fun, snappy lines, but if you have any reading difficulty or ADHD it turns into “click, click, where was I again.” They sped up the text speed which sounds good, until your eyes are slower than the horny dialogue and you’re chasing every line like it is Snapchat. At least the animated portraits are nice and expressive, Ivy’s smug grin is perfect when she’s basically edging you with teasing comments, but they don’t help when you can’t tell which character is speaking because the name text is tiny and there is zero voice indication.

The lewd part is funny and stupid in a good way. You’re running around this con full of cosplayers who clearly did not come for child friendly content. There’s a Meowth girl who basically flirts by bullying you, dressed in ears, tail, tight little outfit that clings like latex, and the “reward” is you humiliating her through battle and then getting this multi-stage animated scene where she goes from cocky to absolutely ruined for you. It is not subtle. Pokemon parody everywhere, bootleg mons jokes, sexy Flygon girl pinned into this “oops I fell on you” pose, Mia and Nia doing this twin act that feels like it wants to be wholesome and still ends up about you undressing them with stickers. The sticker book is basically your porn gallery, of course, but cycling characters with keyboard or screen reader? Forget it. I tried NVDA and JAWS out of habit, they both just saw a pile of unlabeled buttons and decorative images. No alt text, no focus order that makes sense, just “button, button, button” so if you play by ear it is like trying to masturbate while somebody reads you the settings menu of Microsoft Word. The new second floor is fun to explore, the whole “Vanilla might have this thief killed” plot gives her a mean streak that is kinda hot, kinda scary, but if you’re sensitive to flicker or fast motion, the quick sliding portraits in dialogue and sudden UI shifts can be a bit much and there is no toggle. Funny thing is, they clearly know how to tweak code, optimize performance, hook up animated rewards, tease you with topless alt portraits, but a simple “bigger font” button or high-contrast mode is still missing. I keep grumbling about that while also chasing every new horny cosplayer quest like a dog with a bone, which probably says more about me than about the game.

Con-Quest feels like somebody spilled horny fanart, con smell and old school RPG rules into one messy bowl and then forgot to clean the edges. You start in this convention that already looks like the morning after a hentai signing event, and the whole place is cursed so all the girls in their cute pokemon-ish cosplay are turning into monsters that want to either wreck you or ride you or both. You walk a few steps, boom, there’s a girl in a too-tight Umbreon outfit, face flushed, tits practically falling out, talking like she’s in a shitpost thread while also trying to murder you with turn based attacks that sound like they were balanced at 3 different points in the dev’s life. The vibe is very “this is stupid, I love it, please don’t fix it”. Spells hit harder if somebody is wet or on fire or shocked or whatever, and half the time I was just clicking the same spell again to see if the next rip of the costume leaves more underboob or more thigh. And when the battle zooms in for the next “rip state” of the cosplay, it actually feels like a reward, even though the camera move is very simple, almost clumsy. But that clumsy is kind of hot here. The art is the star, and it knows it: every girl looks like she got lost between DeviantArt, Newgrounds and some dead Tumblr porn blog in the best way, with bright colors, round soft bodies and those expressions that are like 60% horny, 40% “how did I end up tied up in this hallway”.

Cutscenes are where my animation brain goes “ok, you guys are filthy, but you actually care”. They’re not smooth movie-level scenes, they’re more like short, looping moments that hold just long enough for the joke or the tit flash to land. The Eevee animation having two parts is such a tiny thing, but it changes the whole flow: first you get the tease, then there’s a more explicit follow-up, and the cut is almost rude, like the camera wants to stay longer but someone yanked it away. I like how some shop scenes pop randomly after you rescue new cosplayers; one moment you just want to buy potions, next moment the clerk is leaning over the counter, boobs squished together, doing this awkward flirty banter that sounds like a horny Discord mod trying to be charming. The humor hits that weird sweet spot of being self-aware but not trying too hard. It throws you dumb puns about types and status effects, then you realize the same status effect is also a way to get more clothes off in the next fight, so you start planning your battles like a pervert accountant. The breasts sometimes sit a bit weird on the torso in certain angles and there’s one idle loop where the bounce looks like two jelly blobs slightly out of sync, which drove me crazy in a way that absolutely no one else will care about, but I kept noticing it like a stuck pixel. And the camera zoom when clothes tear is so rough it feels hacked in at the last minute, but I caught myself waiting for it every time. That’s the thing with this game: it looks janky in spots, the animations are simple, the dialogue is dumb and horny and then suddenly you get a perfect frame where the cosplayer is blushing, half naked, smirking at you after losing, and it feels more honest and sexy than a lot of “polished” adult games that forgot how to be fun.