This thing calls itself “Life is Vanilla” but it’s really that messy, horny, half-true story everyone swears they’ll never tell in public, then dumps in a group chat after three beers. You’re in control of this awkward 18-year-old guy who talks big, watches way too much porn on his phone, and still loses eye contact whenever a girl actually pulls her top halfway up. It has that vibe of early uni convention season, where you’re juggling class, cheap weed, cosplay plans and wondering how the hell other people are already fucking in bathroom stalls while you’re arguing about Marvel canon. The tone jumps a lot: one moment it’s goofy jokes and dumb memes, then suddenly you’re watching your character get his first handjob in a cramped room and the camera just stays there, way too intimate, like you accidentally opened someone’s private Snapchat. It’s all 3D styled in a way that sometimes looks hot as hell and sometimes looks like everyone got slightly too much botox, but somehow that kinda fits the awkward sex energy. And yes, there is a lot of focus on big tits and big asses, not “tasteful” or subtle, more like the game knows exactly why most people click it.

What actually works for me is how it treats virginity and cheating in the same universe without pretending to be moral about it. Early on you’re still a clueless virgin who freaks out when a girl starts slow teasing, grinding on your lap while still fully dressed, just her shirt riding up and your brain short-circuits. Then later, you’re in these situations where some girl who absolutely should not be touching you is doing it anyway, like a “I have a boyfriend but he’s boring” type, sliding her hand into your pants while she keeps talking about totally normal stuff so no one notices. The game doesn’t pause to judge her, it just lets you enjoy the fucked up thrill. There is a scene in a shared apartment kitchen that really stuck with me, the kind of fake-casual exhibitionism where she “accidentally” bends over a bit too far, no panties, pretending to search a lower cabinet while the MC is desperately hiding his boner behind a cereal box. It makes group sex later on feel like a natural train wreck of all the small bad decisions. Of course there’s oral, creampies, clothes coming off in the worst possible order, that thing where a girl spits on your cock first and smiles like she just discovered a cheat code. Weirdly, the only thing that really annoyed me was one shirt texture on a side girl’s outfit that looked cheap as hell. I kept staring at it every time she stripped, which is the most unsexy complaint to have, but it just pulled me out of it and then I’d forget what line I was even reading in the scene. Anyway, it all plays like someone’s overconfident memory of their youth, mixed with shit that obviously didn’t happen, and that chaotic mix is kind of the whole charm, even when it’s trying way too hard and somehow not trying at all at the same time.

You wake up in this cheap looking lakeside cabin, phone still in your hand, and the first thing on the screen is that stupid little trivia app they make you use. At first you think it is just some normal quiz thing, like the junk you play in the bus, but it starts asking really pointed questions. Sex stuff, movies, some random history, then suddenly “what color panties are you wearing” and the MC in game actually looks down to check. That is when it clicks that the questions are not just text, they control what happens in the room. Every right answer gives you a little power, every wrong answer strips another piece of her dignity away, piece of clothing after piece of clothing, with this quiet lake outside the window like it is judging everything.

The main girl has this huge ass that the camera just keeps loving. You answer one stupid question about geography wrong and boom, shorts gone, and she is there in tight panties that are clearly not built for hiding anything. You cannot even pretend you are here for anything except watching her slowly lose the fight. The quiz keeps escalating. First it is light trivia, then it becomes stuff where you are half guessing, half trying to aim the outcome. Like, you know the answer, but you kinda want to see what happens if you “fail”. I had one moment where I purposely picked the wrong capital city just to see if the game really would make her walk to the door and peek out into the night in just her bra. It did. She opens it a crack and you get that side-shot of her big tits barely contained, nipples poking the fabric, and the dark outside like someone could be spying. Maybe they are. The game never fully says, and I like that. Or maybe I hate that. Not sure.

Thing is, it pretends to be “just a trivia test” but actually it is more like a slow, mean strip show mixed with some voyeur stuff. The phone becomes this nasty little host, asking if you want “another round” and flashing wrong answers in big letters so she blushes even more. Sometimes the app vibrates when you answer, totally pointless detail, but somehow made me feel like I was actually messing with her through the screen. I kept trying to get a perfect run and at the same time I kept sabotaging myself because the view when she bends over to pick up her top from the floor is insane, that ass is ridiculous. I left the sound on my own phone in real life by accident and the little notification ping from the in-game quiz overlapped with my Telegram pings, confused me for a second, kind of funny, kind of annoying, and then I forgot about it. The tension is not from big plot twists or something deep, it is just “how far is this girl willing to go if the questions keep coming” and “what if somebody at the lake house is actually watching from the trees while you push her into more and more public exposure.” It feels trashy and clever at the same time, which makes no sense, but that is exactly why I could not stop tapping through questions, half trying to protect her, half trying to see what happens when you fail her on purpose.

Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed a crime thriller with a horny family soap and then forgot to take out any of the messy bits. You play this young guy who is supposed to be a smooth criminal, sneaking around a city full of cameras, cops and idiots, but somehow most of your “heists” end with a naked ass pressed against something expensive. One second you’re planning a break in at a fancy apartment complex, studying guard routes on a shitty tablet UI, the next second you’re peeking through a door and catching your voluptuous “relative” bent over the couch, skirt around her waist, boobs swinging while she fingers herself to some cheap porn audio. Game just lets you stand there and watch, zoom in on her big tits, listen to all those needy little moans, while a small timer in the corner is like “leave before she notices”. Of course you don’t. You stay, you get caught, you get called a pervert, and then five dialogue lines later she’s pressing your hand between her thighs and asking if you’re “as hard as you look”. Morals die very fast here.

The pacing is weird in a nice way. You’re supposed to be building a crew, doing jobs, choosing who to trust, but the real choices feel more like “do you grope her on the bus or wait until she’s in the shower” and somehow both paths end in a blowjob anyway. There is a whole school arc where you pretend to be a normal student, but half the time you’re staring at thick asses in too-tight uniforms, helping some innocent looking girl “practice stripping” for a party that obviously turns into a private dance for you. Clothes slide off, bra hits the floor, she tries to act shy while her nipples are already hard and your hand is under her skirt. The animations are not perfect, sometimes the hips move like they forgot basic physics, but when she’s on her knees and you see that slow, wet handjob morph into sloppy oral, with drool on her chin and this lazy eye contact, it suddenly doesn’t matter. You get a lot of teasing too, women grinding on your lap during group meetings, lips brushing your ear while they talk about “targets” and really mean your cock. There is milf content all over the place, thick moms with heavy tits who pretend they’re oh so worried about your criminal life and two scenes later they’re riding you in the kitchen, tits bouncing, calling you their “bad boy” like that excuses the incest vibes at all. Vaginal, oral, mutual masturbation, some voyeur stuff when you spy on more than one person at once, it all stacks up until the actual robbery feels like a polite excuse to get everyone naked in the same room. I kinda hate how one of the best animated scenes is just a small thing in a stairwell where you pin her against the wall, yank her panties aside and slide in while she tries not to be loud because the rest of the crew is right below you. Also the save menu icon is ugly as fuck and I think about it every time I climax and then forget what I was mad about.

You start as this broke student drowning in debt, already kinda fucked by life before any actual fucking happens. Then this smug, gorgeous succubus basically walks into your shitty situation and goes “yeah, you’re a mess, but I can use that.” She throws you into this weird gig where your job is to sexfight girls from other worlds. Not “flirt then fade to black”, I mean full-on, turn based fights where every move is some horny bullshit. Strip her, grope her, tease her, get her horny enough that she can’t think straight, while she’s doing the exact same thing to you. If she makes you cum first, you’re done, and sometimes it really feels unfair because you’re there planning tactics and she just grabs your dick at the perfect moment and your whole “strategy” dies instantly.

The main loop is kinda evil in a fun way. You’re juggling money, training, and your stamina like some degenerate version of a mobile game. One moment you’re in a fight trying to decide if you focus her nipples or her thighs to break her composure, next you’re in her world visiting her on a casual date that starts normal and ends with her grinding on your lap in some alley. Fights are turn based, but they feel more like dirty chess, where every piece is either a mouth, a hand, or someone’s dripping crotch. You pick moves that focus different weak spots, stack arousal, push them closer to orgasm, all while watching your own bar go up and thinking “shit, I can’t take one more blowjob move or I lose everything.” I legit had one match where I was one turn away from victory, went greedy with a deep thrust option, she reversed, pinned me, and milked me with this slow oral scene that made me actually pause my Chrome tab because it was way hotter than I was ready for.

Each girl’s world is what hooked me more than I expected. You’re not just grinding them like generic NPCs; you go to their places, do small activities, and it weirdly turns into a messed up dating sim. One monster girl wants you to help with some “ritual” that’s pretty much an excuse to tie you up and ride you stupid. Another looks all tough in combat, then you hang out with her and realize she blushes the second you kiss her neck, and next fight she suddenly has new moves that are basically her trying to get you to breed her on the arena floor. There’s futa content thrown in, sometimes out of nowhere, like you’re expecting soft petting and then her cock is brushing against your lips while she pretends it’s no big deal. The art is simple but horny as fuck, especially when you finally strip them completely and the CG changes with their pose, drool, wetness, that kind of detail. It’s not all vanilla either: anal, oral, grinding, being overpowered by a monster girl who pins your arms, making a whole harem of different races who all want a piece of you, it adds up. And in the middle of all that, the game quietly reminds you there’s something darker going on with the succubus and the “contract” you signed, like your life actually depends on how well you make these girls cum, which is honestly the dumbest and also hot idea I’ve seen in a while.