Bayonetta always had this “I could crush you with a heel and you’d say thank you” vibe in the original games, and here that energy is just stripped of pretense and pointed straight into your crotch. The whole thing feels like someone took the idea of a serious witch story, got bored halfway, and said “fuck it, let’s just make her ride this poor bastard until he forgets his name.” You start with the usual set up, some flimsy excuse of a narrative about demons, contracts, sexy power, all that. You can read it if you’re in a mood, or just hammer the next button like a horny squirrel trying to open a nut. There’s this fun moment where she’s mid-dialogue, talking like she owns the whole damn universe, and you cut her off by skipping the text and jumping straight into her grinding her hips down, and it almost feels wrong, like interrupting a priest. A very stacked, very evil priest who calls you a pervert while bouncing on your cock.

What I liked most is how the customization is stupidly simple but still hits hard. You tweak her hair, maybe loosen the outfit a bit more, change tiny things in her look and suddenly she feels like a different flavor of the same dangerous milf. Sometimes I spent longer in those menus than in the actual “action” parts, just nudging sliders, going “nah, more cleavage, no, even more, yeah, that’s it,” like I was sculpting a sin. There’s this one scene where her glasses are slightly different and for some reason it made the rough sex moment feel way more personal, like this was my private version of Bayonetta that Nintendo would absolutely sue over. The sex itself is straight to the point, almost rude about it. She talks like she knows exactly how pathetic you are, rides you, slaps, squeezes, grabs, and the game is shameless about throwing you into the cumming part without long foreplay if you want. Sometimes it’s actually too fast. You click through the “porn bastards” style story, tweak her look a bit, and boom, she’s already on top and you’re finishing before your brain even catches up. It’s like ordering a huge meal and the waiter just slams dessert on your table first.

There’s rough moments that feel really good in a way that’s not nice at all. She chokes you with her thighs, calls you something filthy, arches her back, and you get that rush that only comes when a character looks like she could ruin your life and you’re begging her to. I kind of wish there were more positions, or at least one scene where she actually slows down and teases instead of just pounding like a cursed metronome, but that’s not what this thing is aiming for. It’s more like a quick, nasty fan fantasy where Bayonetta stops pretending to be a stylish superhero and just becomes the terrible idea you jerk off to after too much Reddit and horny Twitter art. The parody side is fun too, you recognize the attitude, the poses, the way she moves her hands like she’s still summoning demons, except now the “demon” is basically your dick and she’s casting the same spell over and over until you give in. If you want to squeeze every drop out of it, don’t rush the first run. Play with her look, read at least some of the dirty story, then, when you feel that edge starting to creep in, kill the self-control, skip everything, and slam your way straight to the ending scene. Treat it like a one night stand where you already know her name but pretend you don’t.

Right next door lives a brunette enchantress - a woman dripping with style and mystery. Her eyes hold secrets deeper than any spellbook. You know she can take control, teasing you so hard you'll bleed for more.

Pretend you're the kind of man who worships heavy riffs and arcane rites. Tonight, you’re not just some guy - you’re the hunter chasing her wild, untamed lust. You’ll crank up the volume, let the pounding beats fuel your hunger, and fuck her with a primal intensity that echoes through the halls.

Seduce her with whispered promises and rough hands that explore every curve. Her gothic style only deepens the darkness you’re about to unleash together. You’ll play cat and mouse across dimly lit rooms, chasing moans and stolen kisses.

Get under her skin, make her crave your touch like a forbidden elixir. This isn’t just sex - it’s a dark ritual where pleasure bleeds into obsession. Are you ready to turn this quiet neighborhood into your private hell of desire?

This thing feels like somebody took a horny Pokémon fanfic, smashed it into an old-school RPG maker project, and then just never stopped adding weird jokes and half-dressed cosplayers. You’re basically wandering around this goofy anime-style world, bumping into girls who are very clearly “cosplaying” Pokémon, except their outfits look like they were designed by a hentai artist who got bored of subtlety. The nurse one is the funniest mess. She’s supposed to be this shiny Nurse Joy cosplayer, but she’s standing there in this tight pink outfit that looks one size too small, stockings gripping her thighs, boobs pushed so high it’s almost uncomfortable to look at… and the game treats her like prey you “save” by beating the shit out of horny monsters. It keeps winking at you every time you get a new ripped state on her clothes, like: “oh no, look what happened, her top is torn again, what a tragedy.” The camera zooms in when the clothes get shredded more, and it’s so obvious what they’re doing with that, but you still lean in, like a clown. And when her portrait switches to the topless version it just hits that Pokémon-center-but-not-really kink super hard, like yeah, you’re getting treated, but not your HP.

The battles themselves are that weird mix of simple and actually kind of tactical. You’re juggling lightning, grass, fire, trying to abuse those status things. You shock something, then suddenly lightning slaps extra hard, but if you got that healing scissors curse on you, it kinda sucks instead. Fire gets stronger if they’re already on fire, grass loves when the enemy’s got a big HP pool, and then you realize you’re not even paying attention to the health bar anymore because the Umbreon cosplayer pops up and she’s ultra rare and dressed like a goth club pet. Dark stockings, tiny tail, ears that shouldn’t be that sexy, purple lingerie that pretends to be “armor” but no one believes this. You’re sitting there on your phone, Chrome eating battery, with one hand switching spells and the other just kinda hovering because that idle animation is really fucking distracting. Her clothes rip slower, piece by piece, each “state” almost like a different fanart. I actually missed a spell input because I was staring at how her sideboob appears first before the full topless scene. And then the game suddenly decides “you can’t run from this boss now, enjoy” like it knows you won’t, because why would you, you came for this.

The best part is you keep stumbling into these weird little shop scenes after you “save” a girl. You just enter the shop and boom, the Eevee cosplayer is there doing something stupidly cute, like trying to act all brave and failing, ears drooping while she’s half naked and pretending nothing’s wrong. She’s uncommon, so when she shows up you feel weirdly lucky, like when you finally catch an actual shiny after too many encounters. Except now the “shiny” thing is just code for “her outfit is even sluttier than usual and might fall off if she breathes wrong.” The shopkeeper just plays along, dropping one-liners, like they’re aware they trapped a bunch of horny cosplayers inside some cursed Pokémon porn convention. Some of the humor really lands, like the little gag where there is this Patreon input and if you type “friendzonedagain” everything goes back to clothed portraits. It’s such a petty joke, like the dev is roasting you directly for wanting the spicy versions. I hated it, but also I tried it, then instantly regretted it, then refused to admit it to anyone. The music kicks in with this fake Sun & Moon boss vibe and for a second it almost feels like a real intense fight, then you remember you’re basically grinding for better chances at making a nurse lose her top. And the game is absolutely not balanced in the usual sense; sometimes your spells just feel weak, the damage scaling is all over the place, and you don’t even care because the main tension is “will this next rip state finally show nipple or just more torn fabric teasing me like some kind of pervert Pokémon League?”

Horny Pokémon comedy is kind of a cursed idea already, and this thing leans into it like it lost a bet. You start off thinking “ok, funny parody, some lewd jokes, fine,” then five minutes later you’re arguing with a half-naked cosplayer in a fake court trial while an Umbreon does this slow, smug ass-wiggle in a reward scene that’s way too lovingly animated for something that was probably drawn on a Tuesday night. The whole thing feels like someone mashed a shitpost thread, a cheap casino, and a con artist trainer campaign into one chaotic little adventure. You run around this con-style hub, poking into rooms that look innocent until you notice the posters on the wall are absolutely not PG, and every “NPC” is either trying to flirt with you, scam you, or bait you into some risky bet just to unlock another naughty picture. It’s not classy. It’s not pretending to be classy. It’s more like “hey, remember when you were a kid collecting cards and now your brain is rotten? Good. Have some lewd stickers and half-dressed trainers.”

The cosplayers are the real meat here, if we can call it that. You’ve got this whole thing where some are common, some are rare, and then there’s that ultra rare James cosplayer that the game treats like a shiny legendary with a daddy kink. You bump into them and suddenly you’re in this silly half-serious situation, almost like a mini side quest, and if you manage to “save” them you get a secret reward lurking in the shop later that basically screams “yeah, you worked for this thirst, now enjoy it.” I kinda love that the game is horny but still laughs at itself. There’s this court trial mini game where you’re clicking through dialogue trying to ace the logic while the characters are wearing outfits that would get you banned from most servers, and I swear I missed a key piece of testimony just because I was staring at a cleavage window that looks like it could cut glass. Then you’ve got the casino, tossing coins around just to find some rare book, and the payoff is another slice of erotic nonsense that somehow feels earned, even though you literally just gambled until RNG liked you. I wish the UI didn’t feel like it was found under someone’s bed along with the old doujins, but whatever, it works. The Umbreon animation is honestly too smooth for how janky some of the menus are, which is weirdly charming and also annoying as hell. And the sticker sets? They feel like the devs were just doodling horny fanart during class and then dumped it all into the game, which, to be honest, is exactly the vibe this mess needed.