Fairy tales in this thing start out pretty normal, like you might really think “ok, I know where this is going, princess, castle, hero, bla bla,” and then suddenly the hero is face first between some witch’s thighs, licking like his life depends on it while three other girls watch and comment on his tongue skills. The tone is funny and horny at the same time, which is weird, because sometimes I was laughing at a joke about a sloppy blowjob right when the girl is drooling all over the guy’s cock and gagging on it. Text often plays around, like it knows you read a lot of porn games already, lots of small jabs at “brave chosen one” clichés, then you click one more choice and the “brave chosen one” is on his knees, sucking a futa knight’s cock clean after she wrecked his ass. I liked the humor, or maybe I didn’t, I still can’t decide, but it stuck in my head. Feels like those late-night fanfic binges on AO3 where the author is clearly horny and also a bit too online.

Scenes lean heavy into bodies, big asses everywhere, thick thighs wrapped around heads, girls grinding on each other like they just skipped ten pages of plot. You pick a path and it can go soft or totally filthy pretty fast. One moment you’re in a “pure” fairytale forest, next moment the “pure” elf princess is riding the MC’s face while her maid fingers her own ass in the background like it’s totally normal housework. The group scenes get pretty chaotic in a good way: two girls kissing on the side, another one jerking the guy off while he is balls deep in someone else, hands wandering, someone always groping someone. Lesbian stuff is not just a warm-up either, sometimes the guy is basically furniture while the girls are grinding and licking, then when they finally remember him, they use his cock just to finish the job, with creampies as a sort of final stamp. As a pacifist player I skipped everything that looked like “challenge” and just spammed through to see how many times I could push characters into “ok, one more round” sex. It’s kind of funny that the story talks about fate and quests, but I spent half the time checking if I could get one more anal scene out of the same character instead. And I still feel low-key annoyed by that one scene where the camera lingers on a plate of food on the table instead of the girl swallowing a mouthful of cum, like who thought that was the important part to show.

Lucio’s whole life is basically tits, cards, and terrible business decisions, and the game just throws you in the middle of that mess like “yeah, good luck, boss.” You’re this guy who somehow owns a brand new casino and has no idea how to not fuck it up. Every choice you make swings between “professional owner” and “degenerate perv” and the girls react to that. The casino feels like your hunting ground and your prison at same time. One minute you’re pretending to care about revenue and poker odds, next minute you’re staring at a redhead dealer trying to remember how to speak because her shirt keeps slipping lower every time you raise the bet. It’s very much a visual novel brain, so you’re clicking through dialogue, watching CGs pop up, choosing lines that range from smooth to “wow, I should be arrested for saying that.” The humor is stupid in a good way, like the game is constantly winking at you. It knows you’re here to see big tits and big asses bouncing around the poker tables, and it doesn’t try to be high art or some shit. The AI CGs sometimes look a little too clean, like the girls are models in some weird casino catalog, but that actually kinda works with the parody vibe.

What I liked most is that the “romance” is horny as hell but still feels like a slow burn, especially if you’re the type who plays solo and reads everything like it’s your personal soap opera. Teasing is the main dish here. Girls lean in close, whisper bullshit in your ear, bend over to pick up cards, pretend they don’t notice your eyes are stuck to their cleavage, then pull back right before you think “ok, now we fuck.” Clothing disappears step by step. First jacket, then the tight shirt, then the bra just slightly moved so you see the side of the nipple in one CG, then next scene she’s sitting in your lap in only panties talking about “raising the stakes” and you’re like yeah ok I guess productivity is dead today. I had one scene where I kept winning at poker against this stacked redhead, and every time she lost she had to remove something. The way the camera slowly goes lower, from her smug face to those heavy tits squeezed in a bra that’s absolutely losing the war, to her ass pressed against the chair, was way more exciting than just “here’s full nudity in 2 clicks.” And at the same time, sometimes the transitions between scenes are really abrupt, like you go from joking to almost sex in a single text box and it feels like the script skipped a page, but then she cracks a dumb joke about your “poker face” and it somehow fits again. It’s messy, it’s horny, it’s half-romance half shameless strip show, and the whole casino feels like it exists only so Lucio can surround himself with a mini harem of big tit redheads and other walking distractions while pretending it’s all about the cards.

Ash is a horny idiot in this one, and I mean that in a good way. The whole thing feels like someone took the old Pokémon anime, mixed it with a dumb meme thread from Reddit, then said “ok but what if it was all about fucking Sarena instead of catching anything.” You start as this slightly older Ash, already a trainer, already a bit cocky, but still dense as hell about romance. Sarena is glued to him, you can see she wants his dick from like the first scene, and he’s out here talking about training strategy while her skirt keeps riding higher. The game keeps playing with that contrast. One moment they’re arguing about which move is best for a gym fight, next scene she’s pressing him against a wall in some random Pokémon Center corridor and asking very clearly if he wants her. It sort of pretends to be wholesome romance for like one scene, and then the clothes just… vanish.

What caught me off guard is how the “puzzle” stuff is not really about brain work, it’s more like soft foreplay with extra steps. There’s one scene where you’re moving little icons around, matching types and moves, and the more correct chains you make, the more Sarena’s outfit changes. At first it’s just a jacket off, then stockings get ripped, then suddenly she’s in this insane lingerie that no normal trainer would wear outdoors. I actually got stuck on a really simple tile rotate thing because I was looking at her ass on the side panel, twitching every time the CG updated. It annoyed me so much because the rotation was like 90 degrees off and I kept misclicking, and the game never explains the rules properly, it just expects your horny brain to figure it out. Then, right after you finally solve it, the reward scene is Sarena pushing Ash down on the grass and riding him like he’s a mount, all while teasing him about being better at “other kinds of training.” That whole bit is ridiculously hot and also kind of stupid, in a good way. Or maybe not good, I’m not even sure.

Combat is there, but it’s basically foreplay with hit points. You pick moves, watch a short sequence, and the actual important part is that Sarena comments on how “worked up” he gets when he wins. There’s this one battle where if you choose a more reckless, high damage combo, Sarena later pins Ash to a tree and says she likes his aggressive side, then starts rubbing him through his pants while talking about strategy like nothing is happening. And if you play it safer in that same fight, she instead cuddles up in the tent afterward and slowly talks him into undressing, like a slow burn scene that suddenly turns filthy when she climbs on top and starts using her mouth first, then more. The game pretends your choices matter a lot, but actually the result is always Sarena getting fucked silly, only the route to reach that changes a bit. I loved that, and at the same time it made everything feel cheap, like “wow, my big moral choice just decides if she rides him facing forward or backward.” Still, when Ash finally grabs her hips and slams into her from behind while she’s half bent over her travel bag, moaning about how she doesn’t care about badges anymore, only him, I completely forgot I wanted something smarter from it. He is still a virgin idiot in some scenes, and somehow also a sex god in others, but whatever. It’s horny Pokémon parody brain, not science.

Holy Shaft feels like somebody mashed together a horny visual novel, a shitty elevator safety video and a humiliation kink discord, then forgot to proofread anything and just shipped it. Which kinda works, somehow. You start in this janky little elevator that looks like it should be going to the office, but instead every floor is a new “what the hell did I walk into” situation. It’s not long-winded at all: door opens, you get smacked in the face with a scenario, you pick your poison, you get either sex, pain, cringe, or all three at once. Then ding, next floor. I was basically treating it like an achievement hunt: “ok, what do I have to say or click here to get her to pull out the toys instead of just slapping me and kicking me out again?” That kind of vibe. Sometimes the game rewards you with a proper scene, sometimes it feels like you got blueballed by the script, but you can kind of see the invisible flowchart in your head after a few runs and it becomes this weird puzzle of horny cause and effect.

What stuck to me most are those tiny branching moments where you think “this answer is stupid, no one picks this,” and of course that’s the one that opens the best scene. There’s this one floor where you can either play it polite or lean into being a complete degenerate. The polite path gives you like two lines and a half-assed tease. Go full trash, and suddenly she’s got a toolbox worth of sex toys out and you’re watching her decide if you deserve the vibrator or the paddle first. The animation is simple but it hits the important parts: jiggle, impact, expressions that actually change when you mess up or push too far. I liked how some characters take your earlier choices personally. Humiliate someone on one floor, then later you see her again and she’s way more rough with you, like she’s keeping score. Or you play submissive all the way and some of them switch into this mocking, playful bullying that feels like soft degradation porn. Sometimes it looks a bit cheap, like “Unity test build with horny plugin” energy, and some punchlines fall flat like an old meme, but then you get a scene where the spanking rhythm syncs with the sound and suddenly it’s way hotter than it has any right to be. The multiple endings thing, honestly, feels more like a set of “you were a good little perv / you were a trash fire” medals than big cinematic finales, but if you’re like me and have a notepad in Google Keep with “ok, Floor 3: choose rude option twice, then agree, then don’t back out” scribbled down, it scratches that completionist brain hard enough you keep riding that cursed elevator again and again.