HeartProblems looks like one of those games you open just to “check it for five minutes” and then suddenly you’re clicking through scenes like a horny raccoon searching in the trash. On the surface it’s the usual porn VN setup: young guy, dead parents, moves in with uncle, house full of women that absolutely should not be as hot as they are. Milf energy in the kitchen, stacked bodies, tight clothes, that kind of slow-burn teasing where nothing “really” happens at first but your brain is already writing fanfic. Feels a bit like when you open X and see one “harmless” clip, then the algorithm decides you’re never seeing normal content again.

What sells it for me is how dirty it gets while pretending to be wholesome. You start as this awkward dude just walking around the house, talking, doing little choices that look innocent: help with the laundry, watch TV together on the couch, massage a sore back. The game loves to put you in those “accidental” skin contact situations. Hand brushing over that thick ass when you squeeze past in the hallway. Waking up with her on the sofa, your face basically in her tits, and she acts annoyed but does not move away. Corruption here is not some instant switch, it’s death by a thousand horny cuts. One day she slaps your hand for groping, later she just sighs, later she pretends not to notice, and then suddenly her leg is opening a bit more when you sit down. I caught myself saving before every dialogue just to try the slightly more perverted line and see if I can push one step further without getting shut down.

The 3D style is a bit uneven, which somehow fits. Some scenes look like they belong in a premium Patreon post, others feel like they were rendered while the dev was alt-tabbing to Telegram. Tits are huge, unapologetically so, bouncing and squeezed into outfits that clearly lost the fight with gravity. Asses too, like, “there is no way this character can find jeans in her size” big. Sometimes the proportions feel almost too much, but that might be exactly why it works. It reminds me of those cursed TikToks where the filter stretches everything and yet people in comments still type “link?” The humiliation angle hits when the MC gets caught peeking, or when one of them talks to him like he’s still a kid while his dick is obviously reacting in the shot. There’s a really fun scene where you get caught staring at her cleavage at breakfast, and the way she leans forward, half mocking you, half secretly enjoying your discomfort, is actually hotter than the later explicit stuff. And the mobile build is nice; playing this in bed with brightness low like some shameful little goblin feels exactly right. It’s weird, messy, sometimes clunky, and that’s kind of perfect for what it is.

Guy wakes up as the only dick in a whole village of monster girls and somehow this is considered a “problem” that needs to be solved. The goddess of fertility looks at this scrawny orphan warrior and goes: yeah, you, go breed a thousand girls, that’ll fix it. No ceremony, no romance, just straight up “go fuck until my numbers look good again.” And the crazy part is the game actually treats that like a main quest, not just flavor text. Every scene, every cut-in, every little turn-based fight is quietly ticking that counter up, like you’re grinding EXP but the EXP is how many times you’ve blown a load inside some thirsty monster girl with ridiculous tits.

The start makes you think it’s going to be generic: small village, tutorial fights, “you’re still a virgin” jokes. Then you walk outside and the first monster girl that tries to kill you is also begging to be filled once you beat her. The combat is that old school turn-based stuff, nothing fancy, but it works because half your brain is already planning how you’re going to break her in after the last hit lands. You pick skills, poke weaknesses, manage a simple party with that elf girl and that demon girl trailing behind you, pretending this is some heroic journey, while actually they’re just lining up to be next on the breeding list. One moment you’re counting damage numbers, next moment you’re watching a creampie scene where the camera just stays there a bit too long on the cum slowly leaking out of her pussy, like the dev was a little too proud of that detail. And the pregnancy thing isn’t just a joke line either. Girls talk about it, worry about it, beg for it. You finish inside, belly twitches, and she’s already talking about giving the goddess more kids while your character is still panting.

Weird thing is, it’s horny but kind of cozy. You go from village to village, collecting monster girls like you’re building a harem-shaped party menu. Lamia with heavy tits, shy slime girl that clings to you, grinning demon chick that treats every fight like foreplay. The elf is supposedly the “serious” one, but she’s the first to moan like crazy when you finally fuck her on some random forest path after a boss fight, legs shaking while you pump her full and the game quietly updates that invisible “mission for the goddess” shit. On mobile it actually plays fine, tapping through combat, then using the same hand for, well, not combat. Pornhub on one tab, this in another, and suddenly you’re way too invested in whether knocking up a dragon girl gives better dialogue than the cow girl you bred earlier. It’s not classy, it’s not subtle, but when the main loop is “win, pin her down, slide in raw, fill her up, move on,” you don’t really need subtle. You just need your battery charged and maybe one more round with that smug demon girl who keeps calling you a weakling until you’re pushing her into the mattress and spilling inside her anyway.

Your dad bails to the Caribbean with his side piece and a bag full of stolen cash, the house is basically broke, and the only thing he leaves you is a mess of women, old feelings, and a mortgage-sized headache. That is literally your “welcome home” after college. You roll back into this big family place that used to feel safe and suddenly it has to become a half-legal college dorm full of horny students, stressed milfs, and people who remember you way too well. Some of them remember you as the sweet kid, some as the idiot who left town, some as the virgin who never got to finish what you both started. Now everyone is older, hotter, more desperate, and the walls are thinner than you remember. It starts slow, just little teasing looks, sleepwear that is way too short, “accidental” gropes when you squeeze past in the hallway. Then the game throws you straight into this mix of romance, messed-up family tension, and filthy humor that honestly feels a bit too real sometimes. One minute your stepsis is mocking you for still blushing at a footjob joke, the next she’s planting her heel in your lap under the table while your “aunt” with the huge tits talks about rent and pretends not to see anything.

What I liked is how the game leans into the awkwardness instead of pretending everyone is some perfect porn robot. There is actual teasing. Like, she will jerk you off halfway and then stop just because you picked the wrong dialog line two scenes ago and she still remembers you flaking on her date in high school. The POV stuff really hits when you’re lying in bed and a girl you kind of grew up with quietly slips under the sheets, thinking you’re asleep, grinding against you in the dark. No loud music, just breathing and half-whispered curses. If you play as a good guy you can wake her gently and turn it into this soft, romantic thing. If you lean into corruption, you pretend to be asleep and let her keep going, or grab her hips and push it further than she expected. There are scenes where the twins tag-team you with this fake innocent attitude, one riding your face while the other milks you, and then they start arguing about who gets your “first” creampie like you’re their personal trophy. There is a milf who is stressed about money, leaking milk through her shirt while she tries to stay professional, and the game does not shy away from that. You can help her, comfort her, or push her into this messed up lactation scene on the couch in the living room, with you switching between titfuck and oral while the TV is still on. Some routes will let you slowly turn the house into your own harem, from anal with the cocky college girl in the guest room to raw vaginal sex with the girl who swore she’d never forgive you, and yeah, pregnancy is on the table if you lean into it. The netori angle is also there: you seduce women who technically shouldn’t be yours, some already taken, some kind of “spoken for” by your missing father, and the game knows exactly how dirty that feels. It’s not subtle about incest themes either, but it wraps them in this weird mix of love, guilt, and constant horny tension that fits the whole “dysfunctional family home turned sex dorm” vibe. You get multiple endings depending on who you focus on, who you knock up, who you ignore, and whether you keep pretending you’re the good guy or finally accept that your new life is just one long, fucked up, very hot line you crossed without ever going back.

This whole thing feels like someone took every anime waifu you've ever crushed on and threw them into a blender with gacha mechanics. Pocket Waifu's got everyone - Megumin doing her explosion thing, Lucoa being all thicc dragon energy, even Tatsumaki looking perpetually annoyed while somehow being incredibly fuckable. The clicking gets mindless fast but honestly? That's kinda the point. You're not here for complex gameplay, you're here because seeing Rias Gremory in progressively skimpier outfits while numbers go up hits some primal part of your brain that retail therapy usually handles.

The progression system is whatever - click, level up, unlock scene, repeat. But fuck me the variety is impressive in a chaotic way. One minute you're getting a titjob from Lucy Heartfilia, next you're balls deep in some Nikke girl whose name I can't pronounce. The animations aren't groundbreaking but they get the job done, especially when Erza's doing that thing with her tongue or when Hinata finally stops being shy and goes full slut mode. Rosa from Pokemon looking absolutely stacked was not something I expected but here we are. The costumes unlock pretty regularly which keeps things fresh - nothing beats seeing Darkness in a maid outfit begging for it.

What's wild is how they managed to cram so many different series together without it feeling completely schizophrenic. Though honestly the Kobayashi dragon maids feel a bit out of place next to the more explicitly sexual characters, but whatever, Ilulu's tits make up for any tonal inconsistencies. The anal scenes with Sakura Matou hit different when you're three hours deep into idle clicking. Sometimes I forget I'm supposed to be managing resources and just end up staring at Yor Forger's ass physics for way too long. The mobile interface works fine but occasionally the click detection gets wonky during the more intense scenes which is annoying when you're trying to... multitask.