My kid found this. I mean, I think he found it, the browser history was a mess but the tab was still open. It's called something like Golf With Cue or whatever. The whole thing looks like it was made in a weekend by someone who just learned what a mouse is. The models are these blonde women, real photos I guess, but they just sort of appear on a flat background. The golf course is a pool table. You use a billiard cue to hit a golf ball. I spent twenty minutes just trying to figure out the power bar, it's this thin little thing that flickers and sometimes the ball just rockets off the table into the void. No reset button, you just have to miss a shot to get it back.

The point is to get the ball in the hole, obviously. When you do, the woman does a striptease. The animation is... it's like someone dragged a jpeg around with their finger. Her top comes off in one jerky motion, then the skirt, then she's just standing there in her underwear looking at you with this blank expression. The whole thing feels like a fever dream. There's no sound except this one golf clap sound effect that plays every single time you hit the ball, even if it just taps the rail. Tap. Clap. Tap. Clap. For an hour.

I don't know what's more confusing, the sport mashup or the fact that the ball physics change every round. Sometimes it's like hitting a brick, other times it's a balloon. The models are pretty, I'll give it that, but the whole thing is so aggressively unpolished it circles back to being almost hypnotic. My son says he doesn't know how it got there. Right. The golf girls are ready to strip, that's what the little text box says at the bottom, but honestly the real challenge isn't sinking the balls, it's not closing the tab out of sheer bewilderment. The arcade part is just a timer counting down for no reason, it doesn't even end the game when it hits zero. You just keep playing. Forever, maybe. I need to go clear some cookies.