There is something kind of horny-janky about this game that I like way more than I should. It looks like somebody found an old fetish toy in the back of a browser and just said “yeah fuck it, ship it.” You get this goth hentai mascot girl, basically Zone-tan flavor, purple hair, smug little smile that says she knows exactly what you’re loading this page for, and then the tentacles crawl in and the whole thing turns into a live-action menu. You don’t really play, you poke. Actions on the left, reactions on the right. Sometimes the tentacle just wraps around her boots first, like it is teasing the camera, and I swear that tiny detail did more for me than half the hardcore clips on Pornhub. The boots are shiny, tight, and they stay on while she gets stretched, which is honestly the right choice. Naked from the neck to the thighs but with those big stompy boots still on? Yeah, that scratches a very specific brain itch. I was listening to old YMCK tracks on Spotify while watching her get titfucked by a veiny purple noodle and it synced in this really stupid way during the loop, like the moan hit on the snare. Completely accidental, or maybe I just need sleep.

The best part is how the game kind of pretends to be a game. There is a “fail” screen, like you’re supposed to do something “right”, but there is no right way, only tentacles in every hole they can find. You poke a button, she goes from smug to flushed, and suddenly one tentacle is between her tits pumping lube on them while another one is pushing into her pussy, then it cuts to her ass getting opened way wider than physics allows. It almost feels like those old flash loops where you click one icon and it jumps to a totally different position, only here they call it “actions” and pretend it has some logic. The retry button is broken in this very funny way, it just acts like it woke up on the wrong side of the code and can’t be bothered. I kept clicking it on Chrome and then on Firefox too, like somehow another browser would give me a secret anal scene or something, but no, it just shrugs, reloads weird, and throws me back to the same set of filthy loops. At some point I forgot which action was which and just started treating it like a randomizer: okay, this one is the rough anal, this one is the softer vaginal grind with the tentacle sliding over her clit, this one is the slow titfuck where her tongue is out like she is making fun of you. It’s horny, messy, kind of broken, and feels like you’re clicking through the memory of a flash site that should have died years ago but refuses to. And yeah, I’m definitely bookmarking it instead of deleting my history like a responsible adult.

You ever start a game thinking it’s just another parody and then suddenly you’re watching Delia Ketchum bend over a lab table like she’s about to teach anatomy class the hard way? Yeah, that’s this one. It starts all innocent - Pallet Town, sunshine, that “I overslept again” energy - and then, bam, you’re in Professor Oak’s lab snooping through his stuff and learning he’s been researching... let’s just say “human-pokemon compatibility” in a way no academic journal would publish. The tone flips faster than a Tinder match gone wrong. One second you’re pretending to care about rare species, next second you’re covered in way more than curiosity.

Delia, though - holy hell. They made her look like the definition of “MILF who knows exactly what she’s doing.” She’s got that soft mom energy but says things that would make even Team Rocket blush. The scenes with her feel weirdly personal, like the game’s reading your dirty thoughts out loud. There’s a part where she leans in too close, her voice dripping honey and sin, and you just *know* this isn’t about Pokémon anymore. The writing’s cheeky as hell, half jokes, half filthy confessions, and somehow it works. You’ll laugh, you’ll groan, you’ll maybe question your childhood a little.

The pacing’s messy in that good kind of way - it doesn’t care about logic, just about pushing you deeper into its horny fever dream. You might roll your eyes at the story, but then the next scene hits and suddenly you’re invested in seeing how far the “research” goes. Controls? Who even cares, you’ll figure ‘em out with one hand anyway. It’s trashy, it’s fun, and it’s got that nostalgic kick twisted into something you definitely can’t talk about in polite company. Kind of like if Pokémon grew up, got divorced, and started posting thirst traps at 2 a.m. on Twitter.

Con-Quest is one of those horny little browser things that looks kind of silly at first, then three minutes later you’re way too invested in whether some half-naked Pikachu cosplayer is going to stomp you or blow you a kiss. It plays like an RPG that forgot to be serious, which is good, but if you care about accessibility like I do, it also kinda forgot blind and low-vision players exist. The whole game is just walls of small bright text on bright backgrounds, no text size slider, no contrast options, no colorblind presets, nothing. I tried zooming in with Chrome and Firefox, had to keep dragging the screen around like some weird porn spreadsheet. And yeah, I know, you came here to jerk off, not to read a UI audit, but still. When Vanilla storms around the convention hunting the money thief, you get these fun, snappy lines, but if you have any reading difficulty or ADHD it turns into “click, click, where was I again.” They sped up the text speed which sounds good, until your eyes are slower than the horny dialogue and you’re chasing every line like it is Snapchat. At least the animated portraits are nice and expressive, Ivy’s smug grin is perfect when she’s basically edging you with teasing comments, but they don’t help when you can’t tell which character is speaking because the name text is tiny and there is zero voice indication.

The lewd part is funny and stupid in a good way. You’re running around this con full of cosplayers who clearly did not come for child friendly content. There’s a Meowth girl who basically flirts by bullying you, dressed in ears, tail, tight little outfit that clings like latex, and the “reward” is you humiliating her through battle and then getting this multi-stage animated scene where she goes from cocky to absolutely ruined for you. It is not subtle. Pokemon parody everywhere, bootleg mons jokes, sexy Flygon girl pinned into this “oops I fell on you” pose, Mia and Nia doing this twin act that feels like it wants to be wholesome and still ends up about you undressing them with stickers. The sticker book is basically your porn gallery, of course, but cycling characters with keyboard or screen reader? Forget it. I tried NVDA and JAWS out of habit, they both just saw a pile of unlabeled buttons and decorative images. No alt text, no focus order that makes sense, just “button, button, button” so if you play by ear it is like trying to masturbate while somebody reads you the settings menu of Microsoft Word. The new second floor is fun to explore, the whole “Vanilla might have this thief killed” plot gives her a mean streak that is kinda hot, kinda scary, but if you’re sensitive to flicker or fast motion, the quick sliding portraits in dialogue and sudden UI shifts can be a bit much and there is no toggle. Funny thing is, they clearly know how to tweak code, optimize performance, hook up animated rewards, tease you with topless alt portraits, but a simple “bigger font” button or high-contrast mode is still missing. I keep grumbling about that while also chasing every new horny cosplayer quest like a dog with a bone, which probably says more about me than about the game.

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Tags: mature, visual novel, lesbians, cg hentai, milf, teen, old and young, lesbian